RE: My Husband Just Dosent Get It!!!

March 31, 2004

In a message dated 31/03/2004 18:24:17 Central Standard Time,

carol@... writes:

>

> Maybe you can email him links about autoimmune diseases, pain, and anemia.

> Once you see a rheumy and he / she has an idea of what might be the cause,

> your husband will probably come around.

Not to be disrespectful, but I was thinking more along the lines of " maybe

you should whack him upside the head!!!!!! " heehee Cary

March 31, 2004

((((((((((((((((((((((( Gail ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I’m so sorry to hear about your husband, but you should know that it’s not

uncommon. My husband is fairly understanding, but he’s said some

insensitive things in the past. Like you, if I really want to do something,

I can. But it takes so much energy, and puts me in so much more pain, that

I conserve my energy on a day to day basis. I was diagnosed with RA a

little over 2 years ago, but I had symptoms for years prior to that. It’s a

very frustrating situation, but little by little I have learned to

restructure my life to work WITH the RA, rather than against it. Our very

own Iris helped to teach me about it. Example, I started a business where I

can work from home. Also, I do charity work on a cause dear to my heart,

but much of my group’s activities are online. I go visit my family in

Atlanta, but I plan for the exhaustion and pain that follows. When I clean

the house, I take frequent breaks and I do it over 2 days. I don’t make

appointments before 10 AM because of my morning stiffness. I try to have

convenient, healthy food in the house. When I go out to run errands, I

consolidate them to save energy. I’ll bet you do a lot of that already.

Maybe you can email him links about autoimmune diseases, pain, and anemia.

Once you see a rheumy and he / she has an idea of what might be the cause,

your husband will probably come around. Because I waited until I could

hardly function, I was diagnosed almost immediately. I was so relieved to

have a name for what was wrong, but my happiness was short lived. After

that, the realization that this is something that I will have for the rest

of my life was hard to get past. I’m a very religious person, and even I

started to get a rebellious heart I couldn’t understand why the Lord would

put this obstacle in my path, after my just getting over another one. I

still prayed and was active in church, but that self pity was always in the

background. Be prepared for the emotions if you’re diagnosed.

In the meantime, don’t let your husband shame you about an illness that is

hard enough to cope with. If he walked one day in your shoes, most likely

he’d not be able to cope. Men don’t handle illness as well as women, as a

general rule (sorry,Alan, my dear friend!) Keep your perspective and I hope

you are on the road to feeling better soon!

Love and hugs,

Carol in FL

[ ] My Husband Just Dosent Get It!!!

Hey Everyone, Its Gail in Georgia, I finally got my e-mail fixed and

Im back in the group,, Finally,, Ive missed you all.

I have a little story to tell you all: Last night my husband and I

were talking and I was telling him about all the fatigue and joint

and muscle pain I've been in.... and HE Said,, Well thats strange how

you fit your illness to accomidate things you dont want to do.

He says, If I want to go out to dinner, I go, If I want to go to a

movie with a friend,, I go,,, If I want to go to Savannah to see my

sister with my mom, I can go,, But Yet, you cant get the laundry

done, and you cant fix a big meal at night, and you sleep all the

time.,

My Husband says,, I think your just a Lazy hypercondriac..!! well

people I blew my top! He says, If Im so sick why is it the doctors

cant put a name to it. What is it he says, Fibro? Arthritis? Lupis?

I told him that Thats why I was seeing a Rhumy to find out! It really

hurts my feelings that my husband after 16 years of marriage thinks

Im faking and am lazy!

You see, HIS family has never been sick in a day of there lives, He

cant fantom the idea of someone being chronically tired and weak all

the time.

Is anyone else having problems with getting spouces and family

members to understand what were going through?

Now Because Im so Upset at him im having a really bad flair up today!

Depressed, sad, mad and feeling let down!

Gail in Ga.

March 31, 2004

Dear Gail, I am so sorry that your going through such a time at

home. I do know what your talking about, I go through the same thing

with my husband. He just don't get it, it seems like he puts more on

me now since I am not able to work.

I am so glad that you are back, and able to get support from all of

us. I know that you are upset and hurt for all the things he said to

you, I'm sure he is sorry for what he did say to you.

It is hard I suppose for family members to realize what is going on.

If you don't look like your on a death bed, they think you are fine.

They never stop to realize what it must be like for us. You just

keep your chin up, and know that we are all hear for you, hugs Tawny

> Hey Everyone, Its Gail in Georgia, I finally got my e-mail fixed

and

> Im back in the group,, Finally,, Ive missed you all.

>

> I have a little story to tell you all: Last night my husband and I

> were talking and I was telling him about all the fatigue and joint

> and muscle pain I've been in.... and HE Said,, Well thats strange

how

> you fit your illness to accomidate things you dont want to do.

>

> He says, If I want to go out to dinner, I go, If I want to go to a

> movie with a friend,, I go,,, If I want to go to Savannah to see my

> sister with my mom, I can go,, But Yet, you cant get the laundry

> done, and you cant fix a big meal at night, and you sleep all the

> time.,

>

> My Husband says,, I think your just a Lazy hypercondriac..!! well

> people I blew my top! He says, If Im so sick why is it the doctors

> cant put a name to it. What is it he says, Fibro? Arthritis? Lupis?

>

> I told him that Thats why I was seeing a Rhumy to find out! It

really

> hurts my feelings that my husband after 16 years of marriage thinks

> Im faking and am lazy!

>

> You see, HIS family has never been sick in a day of there lives, He

> cant fantom the idea of someone being chronically tired and weak

all

> the time.

>

> Is anyone else having problems with getting spouces and family

> members to understand what were going through?

>

> Now Because Im so Upset at him im having a really bad flair up

today!

>

> Depressed, sad, mad and feeling let down!

>

> Gail in Ga.

March 31, 2004

Loved ones experience the profound loss of who we were before, and

they go through a grieving process. Unfortunately, anger seems to be

the most accessible emotion for many men. I believe the deeper

feelings are sadness and fear.

Sierra