A Flare For Cooking? Plus Recipes for Chops 'n Kraut, Crockpot Cola Ham, Tex-Mex Chili, AZ Chuck Wagon Beans

[Guest guest]

A Flare for Cooking?

1.. You consider it a culinary success if the Pop-Tart stays in one piece.

2.. Your dog goes to the neighbors' to eat.

3.. Your family buys Alka-Seltzer and Kaopectate in bulk.

4.. When you barbecue, two of your kids hold water guns and the third stands

ready by the phone with 911 on speed-dial.

5.. Your family automatically heads for the dinner table every time they hear a

fire truck siren.

6.. The E.P.A. insists that all your garbage cans be marked with biohazard

symbols.

7.. Your microwave display reads " TILT! "

8.. Your two best recipes are meat loaf and apple pie, but your dinner guests

can't tell which is which.

9.. Your pie filling bubbles over and eats the enamel off the bottom of the

oven.

10.. You've used three boxes of scouring pads and a bottle of Drano and a

crowbar, and that macaroni and cheese still won't let go of the pan.

11.. Pest control companies keep pestering you for your recipes.

12.. You make tuna noodle surprise and the surprise is that it glows in the dark

and melts the silverware.

13.. Your family prays AFTER they eat!

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Chops 'n Kraut

6 boneless pork chops

27 oz. can sauerkraut

4 potatoes; peeled, chunked

Layer chops, sauerkraut and potato chunks in Crockpot, finishing with sauerkraut

on top.

Cover and cook on LOW 8 hours or HIGH 4 hours. Makes 6-8 servings.

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Crockpot Cola Ham

1/2 cup brown sugar

1 tsp. dry mustard

1/4 cup cola (Coca Cola or Dr.Pepper, etc.)

3 - 4 pound pre-cooked ham

Combine brown sugar and mustard.

Moisten with cola to make a smooth paste.

Reserve remaining cola.

Score the ham with shallow slashes in a diamond pattern.

Rub ham with mixture.

Place ham in Crockpot and add remaining cola.

Cover and cook on high for 1 hour, then turn to low and cook for 6-7 hours.

Serves 9-12

A 5 pound ham could be cooked in a larger Crockpot.

Cook for 1 hour on high, then 8-10 hours on low.

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Slow-Simmered Tex-Mex Chili

1 pound ground beef round

1 1/2 cups finely chopped onions

1 clove garlic, minced

1 can (15 ounces) reduced-sodium tomato sauce

1 cup reduced-sodium salsa

1 1/2 tablespoon chili powder

1 tablespoon cider vinegar

1/2 tablespoon packed brown sugar

2 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce

1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper

3 cans (15 ounces each) no-salt-added kidney beans,

rinsed and drained

2 cups frozen whole kernel corn

Place the beef, onions and garlic in a large no-stick skillet.

Cook over medium-high heat, breaking up the beef with a spoon.

Cook until beef is browned and vegetables are tender.

Drain mixture in a strainer or colander, transfer to large plate lined with

paper towels.

Blot the top of the mixture with additional paper towels and return it to the

skillet.

Using a Crock-Pot, stir together the tomato sauce, salsa, chili powder, vinegar,

brown sugar, Worcestershire sauce and pepper.

Stir in the beef mixture, beans and corn.

Cover and cook on the low heat setting for 7 to 9 hours.

Cover and store any leftover chili in the refrigerator for up to 4 days for.

Serves 6.

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Arizona Chuck Wagon Beans

1 pound Dried navy or pinto beans

6 cups Water

1/4 pound Salt pork -- diced

1 large Onion -- chopped

1 garlic clove -- minced

1 large Green pepper -- chopped

1 1/2 pounds Chuck steak -- cubed

1 1/2 teaspoons Salt

1/2 teaspoon Oregano -- crumbled

1/4 teaspoon Red pepper

1/4 teaspoon Ground cumin

8 ounces Tomato sauce

Rinse beans well.

Combine beans and water in a large kettle.

Bring to boiling, cover and cook 2 minutes.

Remove from heat.

Let stand 1 hour then pour into slow cooker.

Brown salt pork in a large skillet.

Remove salt pork with a slotted spoon and add to slow cooker.

Saute onion, garlic and green pepper in pan drippings.

Remove with slotted spoon to cooker.

Brown a few pieces of beef at a time in pan drippings.

Remove to cooker with slotted spoon.

Stir in salt, oregano, red pepper, cumin and tomato sauce.

Add more water, if necessary to bring liquid level above beans.

Cook on low 10 hours/high for 6 hours or until beans are tender.

~ " We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a

little of each other everywhere. " ~

~ " If I could reach up and hold a star for every time you've made me smile, the

entire evening sky would be in the palm of my hand. "