I Read It On The Internet!!!

[Guest guest]

I was on my way to the post office to pick up my case of free M & M's (sent to me

because I forwarded an e-mail to five other people, celebrating the fact that

the year 2000 is " MM " in Roman numerals), when I ran into a friend whose

neighbor, a young man, was home recovering from having been served a rat in his

bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken (which is predictable, since as everyone knows,

there's no actual chicken in Kentucky Fried Chicken, which is why the government

made them change their name to KFC).

Anyway, one day this guy went to sleep and when he awoke he was in his bathtub

and it was full of ice and he was sore all over and when he got out of the tub

he realized that HIS KIDNEY HAD BEEN STOLEN. He saw a note on his mirror that

said " Call 911! " but he was afraid to use his phone because it was connected to

his computer, and there was a virus on his computer that would destroy his hard

drive if he opened an email entitled " Join the crew! " He knew it wasn't a hoax

because he himself was a computer programmer who was working on software to

prevent a global disaster in which all the computers get together and distribute

the $250.00 Neiman-Marcus cookie recipe under the leadership of Bill Gates.

(It's true - I read it all last week in a mass e-mail from BILL GATES HIMSELF,

who was also promising me a free Disney World vacation and $5,000 if I would

forward the e-mail to everyone I know.)

The poor man then tried to call 911 from a pay phone to report his missing

kidneys, but a voice on the line first asked him to press #90, which unwittingly

gave the bandit full access to the phone line at the guy's expense.

Then reaching into the coin-return slot he got jabbed with an HIV-infected

needle around which was wrapped a note that said, " Welcome to the world of

AIDS. " Luckily he was only a few blocks from the hospital - the one where that

little boy who is dying of cancer is, the one whose last wish is for everyone in

the world to send him an e-mail and the American Cancer Society has agreed to

pay him a nickel for every e-mail he receives.

I sent him two e-mails and one of them was a bunch of x's and o's in the shape

of an angel (if you get it and forward it to more than 10 people, you will have

good luck but for 10 people only you will only have OK luck and if you send it

to fewer than10 people you will have BAD LUCK FOR SEVEN YEARS).

So anyway the poor guy tried to drive himself to the hospital, but on the way he

noticed another car driving without its lights on. To be helpful, he flashed his

lights at him and was promptly shot as part of a gang initiation.

Send THIS to all the friends who send you their junk mail and you will receive 4

green M & Ms -- if you don't, the owner of Proctor and Gamble will report you to

his Satanist friends and you will have more bad luck: you will get sick from the

Sodium Laureth Sulfate in your shampoo, your spouse/mate will develop a skin

rash from using the antiperspirant which clogs the pores under your arms, and

the U.S. government will put a tax on your e-mails forever.

I know this is all true 'cause I read it on the Internet.

~ " We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a

little of each other everywhere. " ~

~ " If I could reach up and hold a star for every time you've made me smile, the

entire evening sky would be in the palm of my hand. "