First Non-Attendance at Foo Event (Yeah) & First Contact from Nada (Boo)

[Guest guest]

I got home last night to a phone msg from Nada in a nutshell telling

me that she still " loves me, " that we could still " act " like family,

and that I still had a chance to please her by attending my fada's

65th birthday party tonight (the whole reason I started down the path

of NC). Well the pleasing bit was beneath the words.

I notice how none of the msg was about my feelings or offering

anything for me. My DH also noticed how the last bit she let down

her guard a bit and showed a bit of anger in her voice.

The msg made me sad and cry at first because the usual msg of how hurt

she was by me. I don't like to hurt people, probably because I'm

tired and sad of her doing the crying, injured party routine with me.

I've gotten to the anger and humor stage, so I think that's more

healthy.

I'm glad I've read a lot of posts on this site because I realize

although I say no contact, our nadas who couldn't respect boundaries,

hence the no contact status, aren't going to respect the no contact

boundary either. Ai ya! That's probably why I drempt of

strangling her last night, but even in my dreams I couldn't completely

stop her from talking or cut her off completely.

Anyway...I'm going to dinner with my real family tonight and letting

my FOO bond on how terrible I am and eat birthday cake.

LOL,

e

[Guest guest]

Kyla,

You are the Architect of YOUR LIFE. You made some Super Wise Choices and you

are going to have a Party Holiday Season.

Greg.

Re: First Non-Attendance at Foo Event (Yeah) &

First Contact from Nada (Boo)

I'm totally with you on this one. My fada is trying to paint this

into me as being the architect of this rupture in the family, when

really, I'm just not participating in nada's dramas anymore. I guess

not rushing to her side to comfort her and make her the center of

attention is pissing my fada off, and he needs to make this all about

me and my petulant child behavior.

But you and I and all of our fellow posters know that these

disinformation campaigns are all part of their well-honed defense

system, and we must soldier on in our newfound path of independence.

Good for you for withstanding a FOO family function without you being

there (BPDs are all about appearing as a healthy family, not actually

BEING one, so your non-participation in the charade exposes that it's

a CHARADE! That's terrifying to the BPD system!)

Your ability to survive it has given me hope, as we enter the holiday

season.

Thank you,

-Kyla

>

> I got home last night to a phone msg from Nada in a nutshell telling

> me that she still " loves me, " that we could still " act " like family,

> and that I still had a chance to please her by attending my fada's

> 65th birthday party tonight (the whole reason I started down the

path

> of NC). Well the pleasing bit was beneath the words.

>

> I notice how none of the msg was about my feelings or offering

> anything for me. My DH also noticed how the last bit she let

down

> her guard a bit and showed a bit of anger in her voice.

>

> The msg made me sad and cry at first because the usual msg of how

hurt

> she was by me. I don't like to hurt people, probably because I'm

> tired and sad of her doing the crying, injured party routine with

me.

>

> I've gotten to the anger and humor stage, so I think that's more

> healthy.

>

> I'm glad I've read a lot of posts on this site because I realize

> although I say no contact, our nadas who couldn't respect

boundaries,

> hence the no contact status, aren't going to respect the no contact

> boundary either. Ai ya! That's probably why I drempt of

> strangling her last night, but even in my dreams I couldn't

completely

> stop her from talking or cut her off completely.

>

> Anyway...I'm going to dinner with my real family tonight and letting

> my FOO bond on how terrible I am and eat birthday cake.

>

> LOL,

> e

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks, Kyla, for turning this around and seeing it as a msg of hope.

Happy Holidays. =D