New to all this and depressed

May 3, 2004

I am 35 years old, am from a farm community in Iowa, live in Tulsa,

OK and have always played sports and been very active. I started

having problems with my feet in Feb. They would hurt when I would

get out of bed for an hour or so. So I figured it was plantar

facitis and changed my shoes. They progressively got worse and

started swelling.

I went to my family md, then to a podiatrist, and finally to a

Rheumy. The blood tests are all in and it is aggressive RA, which

is what my family doctor and podiatrist thought it was. My Rheumy

started me on Methotrexate (10 mg), folic acid (1 mg.), and Bextra.

In the last couple of weeks, it has moved to my hands, shoulders and

knees. At night, I can barely walk, let alone do anything kinetic.

My husband just says that I am too young for this and that the

doctor isn't doing enough. I think that he thinks I am faking it,

so I try and act like it doesn't hurt. I make sure to not say

anything about it around him or any of my friends. I am a care

taker and am not one to let people take care of me. They act like I

am just whining and can not possibly be hurting that bad.

The reality of all of it is beginning to set in and I realize from

reading all of your posts that I will not be able to pretend it

doesn't hurt for much longer. My rheumy says that there is joint

damage occurring in my toes. I am becoming increasingly depressed

about it all. The same questions everyone asks. Why me? What

next? How will I live with this?

You all seem so close and supportive of eachother. Thank you for

being here to vent to, because right now I feel completely alone.

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