BPD Won........

[Guest guest]

Hi Everybody,

I am in need of support b/c I am pretty down right now. - have been for about 2

weeks.

I found out in an F'ing email to me and my nada and my brother (from SIL - they

are still married, living in the same house) that my oldest nephew was diagnosed

with PDD-NOS, Pervasive DEvelopmental Disorder - Not Otherwise Specified. = a

type of autism. PDD-NOS is like a dumping ground dx until further testing

specifies what exactly is wrong. My SIL has been trying to find something

wrong with my oldest nephew since the arrival of her second son. Her behavior

encompasses 8 of the DSM-IV-TR for BPD. My brother was diagnosed with NPD.

(isn't it weird how often these two go together?) I read and reread through the

criteria for autism and PDD-NOS and I see only one - language development; but

he is learning chinese and english at the same time. She doesn't spend any time

with the oldest since the youngest was born. I brought this to both of their

attentions a year ago. Now my oldest nephew is so angry at his mother's

abandonment, he hits her when she chooses to give

him a little attention. I don't blame him, but told him, we don't hit - use

your words, ________. And he would just scream adn cry - HURT, YOU HURT ME! I

want to tear her head off. It makes me so mad that they would create some

disability so she can get more attention. I think my brother is having an

affair again, so this leaves my oldest nephew on his own too much.

My brother has called me 7 times in his life - always needing something. I'm

the one that always calls. I even went 6 months before as a test and not called

and never heard from them. And I would have to leave 8 to 12 messages over a

period of a month to two months to " finally " get a hold of him. SIL always says

" we're ssssssssssssooooooooooooo busy, Greg. You don't know how hard it is.... "

Thanksgiving is next week. No answer. I did, however, get a call from my BPD

nada's boyfriend's daugher last week inviting me to thanksgiving. They live

about 20 minutes from my brother. I didn't realize that by saying no to them,

I was saying no to my brother, I guess. And guessing is all Ihave to go on b/c

there is NO COMMUNICATION!!!

So I can't see my nephews, I finally get that my brother is NPD(my old

psychiatrist met with him several sessions when they were living with me after

our dad died and no more platinum credit cards - just me to support them for 5

months- and dx'd him), my SIL meets 8 of the 9 criteria for BPD, and I can't

protect my nephews. Despite telling my SIL that I have no contact with my nada

and to not send me stuff that involves nada, she keeps sending emails about how

much $$$ nada is sending them for this and that. You know, not once have any of

them asked " HOw are you doing, Greg? " since I moved here. It has all been about

them. So I am not going to keep calling anymore. (God do I sound Pathetic!!)

My nephews will have to understand one day (I have a feeling that within a

couple of years my brother and his wife will be getting divorced) that I did the

best I could legally.

Started the MS Contin a week ago yesterday. It is too low of a dose; pain and

break through pain is way too high. I saw my doc Monday in the hall of his

office while making an appointment to see him on Friday and he told me that to

jump to 3 pills a day would be a large leap. I talked to the pharmacist, who

asked a ton of questions about how long have you been on the old short acting

opiods, etc. She said that 90mg a day is standard, especially having been on 6

short acting opiates for 4 yrs. Talked to my psychiatrist about it yesterday

and he seemed to think that my other doc would up it on Friday/tomorrow. The

very first dose I took right after taking the last of the old regimen, brought

back this guy that was me before the doc dropped the drill onthe right side of

my spinal cord. There was no euphoria, which I was thankful for, and instead, I

had all this energy and my pain went to 0-1!! I started making lists like I

used to do, like: Call for a date, get

resume to ______, exercise at ________, cleaned my apt in 45 minutes - which

normally takes two days b/c have to divide the vacuuming from the other chores;

all these things that I couldn't do before. I could even see how I would have

the energy (which I have been praying to God about) to work full time and go to

school at night. So I pray that he will adjust the dose. It amazes me how

intractible pain actually takes away more energy than they warn you about these

pills making you tired.

It has just been a week and a half where I have cried everyday, especially about

my nephews and now the loss of my brother. I have no family left. BPD is so

pervasively distructive. More accurately, BPD and NPD mixed together rivals the

atom bomb in family dynamics. Thanks for reading all of this. Feedback is much

appreciated.

All my best,

Greg.