Re: I am trying to NOT let her get to me but I need some encouragement

[Guest guest]

Wow, , I am so sorry. I don't know what to say, except I'll

keep you in my prayers. You don't deserve this. I applaud and admire

your ability to stay firm on the phone and not let the FOG guilt you

in to giving in, going to see her, etc. I am so sorry.

Thanks for your reply to my post.

I don't see our nadas ever changing. It's awful.

I'm pretty down today, I wish I could be more of an encouragement to

you. Keep posting, and I too am thankful for this group.

Grace

>

> OMG, I am so glad this board is here. I am so grateful to be able

to express these

> emotions to people who I know will understand me.

>

> So quick rehash, I have been NC since mid-October now, when nada

moved from 90 miles

> away to about 5 miles away, promptly melted down and attempted

suicide. We spoke a

> few times during her first hospital stay and she was so abusive

that I went completely NC,

> blocking calls, changing numbers etc. A week later she apparently

attempted suicide

> again and did major damage to the point where she cannot walk.

She was in hospital for

> three weeks or so, and she was on the med ward and then the psych

ward where she was

> finally officially diagnosed BPD. I know this info. b/c her

doctor called me, and I made

> clear to the Dr that I wanted and required complete NC for my own

health and the health

> of my unborn son.

>

> Interestingly my brother spoke to the social worker at the same

hospital and agreed to

> help nada but under his conditions which were that the social

worker, psychiatrist, nada

> and he all sit down in one room and discuss nada's treatment

plans. He wanted to see a

> real commitment from her, and confirm follow-up before he would

get involved. I said

> bravo, you go for it, I still don't want to be involved. He

agreed that at 8 mos pregnant I

> should stay out of it.

>

> A few days later the social worker called him and left a message

saying 'well we discussed

> it and we think that instead of all of us meeting to discuss

treatment,it would be better if

> you could come here and run some errands for your Mom. So come

get her apartment

> and mail key and get her check and deposit it in the bank, and

write out her bills and blah

> blah blah blah... " My brother was incredulous! He erased the

message and never called

> them again. Total and complete disregard for his boundaries.

What is he, her gopher?

>

> So nada called him a million times and left all these messages to

which he never replied.

> Don't forget she can't call me at home b/c her number is blocked,

and she does not have

> my new cell number. So she apparently got out of the hospital on

Wednesday and

> promptly called my desk. I, having been recently lulled into

comfort by NC, didn't even

> look at the caller ID before I picked up. There she was, crying

hysterically, and the first

> thing she says is " I'm home from the hospital and I can't walk " I

thought: SO WHAT YOU

> DID THIS TO YOURSELF, but I didn't say anything. I just sat there

dumbfounded and so

> mad at myself for not looking at the FREAKING CALLER ID!!!!!

>

> " please help me, I 'm all alone and I am terrified of being

alone

>

> Well maybe you should learn how to treat people better. You are

an adult and you need to

> learn how to take care of yourself. I cannot take care of you.

>

> I don't expect you to take care of me,

>

> I have been taking care of you my whole life, I am DONE, I am OVER

IT. You have to learn

> how to do it yourself, you have to grow up.

>

> I can't take care of my self, I just can't (sobbing). I dont

remember what I did or what I

> said, I took all those pills.

>

> I'm not talking about last month, mom, I am talking about my whole

life. I have to take

> care of my self and my baby. I cannot talk to you, it hurts me.

Please leave me alone.

>

> I didn't mean to hurt you and your baby. Don't you know me better

than that? You are all

> I have. Can't you just come see me?

>

> I do know you and that is why I cannot be around you. These are

my boundaries and you

> have to respect them. The only reason I haven't hung up is

because I am not rude like you

> are. I am at work, I cannot get stressed out right now, it is bad

for me and for the baby.

> Please do not call here again. Goodbye. "

>

> This morning I got a message from a suicide hotline. I can't

decide if I should call them

> back. I can't get guilted into contacting her. Apparently they

called my brother too. It is

> really getting her goat that she has driven us all away and that

noone will listen to her

> whining and crying and come to her rescue. None of her old

tactics are working anymore

> and she is desperate to hoover us back in. She would settle for

any one of us but noone is

> biting the bait, not my dishrag (they are divorced and he has a

clue now since i sent him

> SWOE last month), not my brother, and for sure not me.

>

> I just need some support. I refuse to let her get to me but I

feel upset anyway. I really just

> want her to go away and leave me alone and stop dragging me into

her quicksand, but I

> know that she'll never be OK, she will never stop torturing us,

she will never GO AWAY.

> This is never gonna end, not until she is dead, and feeling like

that about ANYONE,

> especially my own mother, feels terrible. But it's true, and now

she is only 5 miles away.

> SIGH I HATE her so much...and it does not feel good at all. It

hurts my heart.

>

> God, give me strength....I feel like I am at the end of my rope.

>

> ~

>