RE: Southern Girls...OT

[Guest guest]

Someone once noted that a Southerner can get away with the

most awful kind of insult just as long as it's prefaced with the

words,

" Bless her heart " or " Bless his heart. " As in, " Bless his heart, if

they put

his brain on the head of a pin, it'd roll around like a BB on a six

lane

highway. " Or, " Bless her heart, she's so buck-toothed, she could eat

an

apple

through a picket fence. " There are also the sneakier ones: " You

know,

it's

amazing that even though she had that baby 7 months after they were

married, bless

her heart, it weighed 10 pounds. " As long as the heart is

sufficiently

blessed,

the insult can't be all that bad. I was thinking about this the

other

day

when a friend was telling about her new Transplanted Northern friend

who was

upset because her toddler is just beginning to talk and he has a

Southern accent.

My friend, who is very kind and, bless her heart, cannot do a thing

about

those thighs of hers, was justifiably miffed about this. After all,

this woman had

CHOSEN to move to the South a couple of years ago. Can you believe

it? "

said

her friend.. " A child of mine is going to be " taaaallllkkin liiiike

thiiiissss.. " Now, don't get me wrong. Some of my dearest friends

are

from the North,

bless their hearts. I welcome their perspective, their friendships

and

their

recipes for authentic Northern Italian food. I've even gotten past

their endless

complaints that you can't find good bread down

here. And the heathens, bless their hearts, don't like cornbread!

We've already lost too much. I was raised to say " swanee, " not

swear, but you hardly ever hear anyone say that anymore, I swanee

you

don't.

We always said, " Swan. " I swan. And I've caught myself thinking

twice

before

saying something is " right much, " " right close, " or " right good "

because

non-natives think this is right funny indeed. I have a friend from

Bawston who

thinks it's hilarious when I say I've got to " carry " my daughter to

the

doctor or " cut off " the light. She also gets a giggle every time I

am

" fixin' " to do something. How 'bout " d'rectly " ? I'm going to do

that

d'rectly.

And, bless their hearts, they don't even know where " over yonder " is

or

what

" I reckon " means! My personal favorite was my aunt, saying, " Bless

her

heart,

she can't help being ugly, but she could've stayed home. "

Southern girls know bad manners when they see them:

1. Drinking straight out of a can.

2. Not sending thank you notes.

3. Velvet after February.

4. White shoes before Easter or after Labor Day.

Southern girls always say:

1. " Yes, ma'am. "

2. " Yes, sir. "

Southern girls have a distinct way with fond expressions:

1. " Y'all come back! now ya heaah, "

2. " Well, bless your heart. "

3. " Drop by when you can. "

4. " How's your mother? "

5. " Love your hair. "

Southern girls know their three R's!:

1. Rich

2. Richer

3. Richest

Southern girls know everybody's first name:

1. Honey

2. Darlin'

3. Sugah

Southern girls know the movies that speak to their hearts:

1. " Gone With the Wind "

2. " Fried Green Tomatoes "

3. " Driving Miss Daisy "

4. " Steel Magnolias "

Southern girls know their cities dripping with Southern charm:

1. Hotlanta or Adlanna =(Atlanta as outsiders say)

2. Richmon

3. Challston

4. S'vannah

5. Birminham

6. Nawlins'

7. OH! And that city in Alabama? It's pronounced MUNTGUMRY! I tried

saying

it another way. How ELSE can you pronounce it?

Southern girls know the three deadly sins:

1. Bad hair

2. Bad manners

3. Bad blind dates

G.R.I.T.S. = Girls Raised in The South!

Now you run along, Sugah, and send this to someone else Raised In

The

South,

i.e., Southern Belles, or ANY females aspiring to be GRITS. Even the

northern

ones, " Bless Their Hearts " . That Reminds me-I have a rubber stamp

that

says

" Just because your children were born in the South does not make

them

Southerners. After all, if a cat had kittens in the oven, that

wouldn't

make them

biscuits. "

Bless Yer Hearts............!