Returning to the scene of the crime

[Guest guest]

I just had a very shocking thing happen to me, and I need to vent...so here

goes.

My oldest daugther is a cheerleader at the same high school i attended. She

told us last night that she is cheering for wrestling tonight. (Something

new...they usually just cheer for basketball) All of a sudden I became

flooded with emotions and began to sob and shake uncontrolably. You see..

when I was in high school I had this boyfriend. We dated for 4 years....he

was the captain of the wrestling team and I was the team manager. He was

the love of my life...my prince charming. We had so many happy memories....

most of them revolved around wrestling season. He was such a fabulous

wrestler...the star of the show....always. My nada totally ruined my

relationship with him. Making accusations about him....saying horrible,

horrible things. He finally got a scholarship to the college he dreamed

about attending. It was such a huge accomplishment....very early on in our

relationship he had a terrible accident and spent almost a year in shock

trauma. I stayed with him every moment...reading to him, feeding him...

encouraging him to walk and talk. He had to learn all over again. We were

so completely and utterly in love....it was like from a storybook...complete

with wicked witch. His senior year he won states....when they delared him

the winner of the match he ran over to where i was sitting picked me up and

carried me back to the center circle where he got down on one knee and

proposed. I was elated....Nada was enraged. She came down off the

bleachers and snatched the ring out of his hand...she raced out the doors

and threw my engagement ring in the pond behind our school. The next night,

a friend of mine snuck me out of my house and I met my boyfriend at the pond

We exchanged wedding vows...it wasn't a legal ceremony of course, but it

meant the world to us. After a couple of days the word spread about what

happened and my nada came up with the most vindictive plot of her entire

life. Either I broke it off with him or she would call the college he had

his scholorship for and tell them that he had anger issues and that he had

beaten and raped me. She convinced me that the accusation alone would lose

him his scholarship....and I believed her. His happiness and fulfilling his

dream meant so much to me....I just wasn't willing to risk his dream...i

loved him too much. So I broke it off....and we haven't spoken since. I

run into his Aunt all the time....and every time I see her she just hugs me

and starts to cry...she just keeps repeating " you were the one...you were

the one that my Leonard was supposed to spend his life with....his

heart died when the two of you broke up...he is just a shell of a man now...

you wouldn't like him now...remember him the way he was when he was with you

...that is how i try to remember him. " Every time...i get the same speech...

i'm just glad my husband is so tolerant....i don't think i would handle

something like that as well as he does if the shoe were on the other foot.

Just thinking about walking into that same gym....with the mats and the

crowd...i can feel it just thinking about it...it's like i'm there again...

witnessing the murder of my happiness at the hands of nada. The emotions

are just all over the place.....i'm still that love struck 17 year old girl.

...but i'm now in touch with nada's sickness and my hatred for her. I wish I

had allowed myself to hate her back then. I wish I would have stood up to

her manipulation and recognized this sickness. Last night I had a dream

that I went to school to pick up my daughter....only i couldn't get in...the

doors were locked. I went around back and saw a man standing by the pond...

..it was my boyfriend...he was standing there, smiling at me.....but before I

could even speak he turned and walked away...disappearing into the woods...

fading out like a ghost. Ugggh....I hate her! I hate that she has scarred

me like this! I hate that because her HER picking my daughter up from

school is so distressing for me. So tonight I will return to the scene of

the crime.....I hope I can hold it together.

Kisses and Nibbles,

Bunny