pay offs for spouses of BPDs

[Guest guest]

Hi all..

Greg, something you said in this post made me start thinking abou why my

father has stayed with nada all these years...about 30 in their case...dad knows

now that mom is dangerous and suspects that she has BPD...actually my father and

brother are moving into their own place tomorrow...FINALLY!

but the question remains...what is the pay off for partners to stay with their

BPD spouses?? What do you think is was in the case of your parents??

hope you are all taking good care of yourselves...laurel ecmc

G wrote:

Wow, Freda, I'm sorry that your mom is BPD, however,

I'm so glad that you found out early in your 20's. or

20. I'm almost double that and just went n/c Aug.

1st.

also sorry that she stole your and your brother's

education. That is absolutely insane, espcially since

it was a SECOND mortgage!! Your dad must be freaking

out. Yet, I have never met a husband of a BPD that

didnt' finally admit that they knew the dangers. They

have their own payoff for being in that insanity.

I am so happy for you for getting to know all of this

while you are so young and not have wasted 20 more

years!

Greg.

--- Freda wrote

> ive just gone n/c recently. there isnt a right way

> to do it. it all depends on you, how the the BPD

> person is like and the situation. my BPD mother has

> left my dad, after i returned from University for

> the summer and she had wiped my dads account out and

> left him with huge debt. and she now has the cheak

> to ask for a divorce for halve the house when shes

> stolen more than that in the last year, including

> all the second morgage that was meant to put me and

> my brother through uni. it was my dad that found

> out that she has (we believe undiagnosed) BPD with a

> fair bit of pushing from his doctor who revealed to

> my dad, as he realised he could legally, that she

> had taken me, (we believe my brother as well) to him

> because she was convinced that we were mentally

> insane. she now denies it, despite the fact we also

> have proof.

>

> i think this was the last straw for me. added to

> the fact that first my dad and then i, was

> protecting my brother from her all of his life he

> needed to realise what she was actually like and

> that there was/ and is no reasoning with her, that

> and she had left my dad which has enabled him to

> come out of his depression brought on by her, and

> now accepts she has always been like this. i

> decided that all the contact i had with her was all

> about her, she drained my emotionally, with her

> verbal abuse, and manipulation, so i decided to

> restrict her to email, after a long talk in which i

> asked her if she would at least go with me to an

> independant doctor to at least prove me wrong, of

> cource she refused. but she kept ringing my brother

> when she knew i was their . also all her emails

> positevely typical manipulation, so ive just stoped

> responding to her. my dad supports me my brother

> slightly dislikes it but his not saying anything.

>

> its difficult especially with christmass coming

> cause no doubt shes telling her side, all of whom

> are ignoring me or if they do contact me its to

> remind me that shes still my mother. der but i want

> my life im almost 20 and i am only just feel free.

>

> i was slightly lucky cause ive only ever remember

> her as the crazy bitch who thinks im her. but my

> brother remembers when she wasnt as bad, when she

> was still on the pill. so for me going NC is easy

> cause i came to terms with what she was before i

> knew it was an axtual condition. ive had a slight

> sence of grief for what could have been if she never

> had it so bad but my brothers got to realise the

> mother he imagined her to be doesnt exist and she is

> who she is. i think that the only time you can

> easily go N/C is when you realise that nothing you

> could do, no matter how much you love them, they

> wont change unless they want to and by letting them

> do what they do to you your not helping.

>

> i do find it irritating though cause altthough

> there are many who understand why ive gone NC, thers

> always those lovely " helpful " people who try and

> convince you that you should stay in contact with

> your mother " cause you only get one mother " . then

> you try and give them a glimpse of what life is like

> and they just say thats terrible dear but she is

> still your mother. ive decided the best thing is

> to say nothing to them and say " i undertand what

> your saying "

>

> well thats a bit of a rant. hope its of some use.

>

> Freda

>

>

> Send instant messages to your online friends

> http://uk.messenger.yahoo.com

>

> [Non-text portions of this message have been

> removed]

>

>

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