Re: preparing to be bad daughter

November 21, 2006

Holly,

OMG!! Not only do YOU sound normal, but your PARENTS almost do

compared to this child's mother! My son is 3 1/2 and I remember him

at 1 1/2. What DH refers to as the " Rambo " years. We're just

beginning to be able to deal with his activity now. The idea of

considering two people in their 70's with ruptured disks, knee

replacement, surgeries in between, as suitable baby sitter's for a

child this young (and this active) is insane. With your own health

considerations, you going over to " help " them out isn't the solution

by any definition. Can you contact the mother, or is she in a

personality disorder area code too?

I think you're right to stay away from this situation, and that

your involvement will just encourage them to, unwisely, proceed with

this, but my main fear is for the baby. What are they thinking?! Why

is the only other person the mother will consider an " out-of-town "

in-law? She REALLY has no one else, or she's just not going to give

up a good-thing?! Full time day-care around us is $600 to $900! a

month-and that's only 7am-6pm on week-days! Maybe if your parents

ask for some compensation, you'll find other suitable baby-sitters

start popping out of the woodwork

Ariel

>

> Hi-

> My parents (age 71 and 76)took on babysitting

> full-time for free for a distant relative, now 1 1/2

> years old. My mom (bpd/co-dependent) is rather

> obsessed with the child.

>

> She had a ruptured disk and finally agreed to physical

> therapy, but didn't want to be away from child. She

> repeatedly lifts the child even thought she is not

> supposed to. She now has to have knee replacement

> surgery and plans to have it over Christmas break when

> the child's mother will be off work.

>

> She plans to be back to babysitting in one week when

> the mother goes back to work. She will still be on a

> walker and my dad will have to take up the slack of

> babysitting. I told them to have the mother get a

> back-up babysitter in town. She will only ask her

> mother-in-law to come from out of town to 'fill in'.

>

> I feel they will ask me to help babysit. I am on

> disability with fibromyalgia and am not able to

> babysit. I feel this situation has gone too far and

> if I help to that extent, I will be enabling my mom to

> go on with her obsession/manipulation, whatever you

> call it.

>

> I feel I will have to let my dad fend for himself and

> not go over there when they have the child. I feel

> guilty and am re-reading all my mental health books.

> If I sound sane, I would appreciate hearing it I

> begin to feel crazy in their atmosphere.

>

> I can read my aol mail at home, but computer is

> antique, so can only read Yahoo mail at the library on

> better computer. Thanks for your patience.

>

> Thank you,

> Holly Chermack

> hchermack@...

> also

> hlchrm@...

>

_____________________________________________________________________

_______________

> Sponsored Link

>

> Compare mortgage rates for today.

> Get up to 5 free quotes. www2.nextag.com

>

November 21, 2006

Holly,

I'm so glad that you wrote in. What ever you parents

do in their life is their buisiness. I liked how you

put it " their atomosphere " ~ you stated that you don't

feel comfortable there and you have your own physical

and psychological needs to tend to first. And as I

reread your first paragraph, I realized something:

your parents are in their 70's. Let them make their

own mistakes. You are not responsible for them. you

can't control what or how they think or do. You are

doing the right thing for your life, Holly.

Keep posting and take good care. Happy Thanksgiving.

Greg.

--- Holly Chermack wrote:

> Hi-

> My parents (age 71 and 76)took on babysitting

> full-time for free for a distant relative, now 1 1/2

> years old. My mom (bpd/co-dependent) is rather

> obsessed with the child.

>

> She had a ruptured disk and finally agreed to

> physical

> therapy, but didn't want to be away from child. She

> repeatedly lifts the child even thought she is not

> supposed to. She now has to have knee replacement

> surgery and plans to have it over Christmas break

> when

> the child's mother will be off work.

>

> She plans to be back to babysitting in one week when

> the mother goes back to work. She will still be on

> a

> walker and my dad will have to take up the slack of

> babysitting. I told them to have the mother get a

> back-up babysitter in town. She will only ask her

> mother-in-law to come from out of town to 'fill in'.

>

> I feel they will ask me to help babysit. I am on

> disability with fibromyalgia and am not able to

> babysit. I feel this situation has gone too far and

> if I help to that extent, I will be enabling my mom

> to

> go on with her obsession/manipulation, whatever you

> call it.

>

> I feel I will have to let my dad fend for himself

> and

> not go over there when they have the child. I feel

> guilty and am re-reading all my mental health books.

>

> If I sound sane, I would appreciate hearing it I

> begin to feel crazy in their atmosphere.

>

> I can read my aol mail at home, but computer is

> antique, so can only read Yahoo mail at the library

> on

> better computer. Thanks for your patience.

>

> Thank you,

> Holly Chermack

> hchermack@...

> also

> hlchrm@...

>

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

> Sponsored Link

>

> Compare mortgage rates for today.

> Get up to 5 free quotes. www2.nextag.com

>

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

Sponsored Link

$200,000 mortgage for $660/ mo -

30/15 yr fixed, reduce debt -

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November 21, 2006

Personally I think that certain ages call for extra help reinforcements.

This includes in my definition not sleeping through the night age, the ages

between walking and four years old, and a few other ages. I recently told my

husband if we have kids, he is getting up in the middle of the night with

them.

Yes, good child care is very exepensive. But so is the cost of redoing knee

surgery.

Do not go over and help- you sound normal to me.

If you can't do it, you can't. Too bad so sad, they will deal.

_Ata

>

> Holly,

>

> OMG!! Not only do YOU sound normal, but your PARENTS almost do

> compared to this child's mother! My son is 3 1/2 and I remember him

> at 1 1/2. What DH refers to as the " Rambo " years. We're just

> beginning to be able to deal with his activity now. The idea of

> considering two people in their 70's with ruptured disks, knee

> replacement, surgeries in between, as suitable baby sitter's for a

> child this young (and this active) is insane. With your own health

> considerations, you going over to " help " them out isn't the solution

> by any definition. Can you contact the mother, or is she in a

> personality disorder area code too?

>

> I think you're right to stay away from this situation, and that

> your involvement will just encourage them to, unwisely, proceed with

> this, but my main fear is for the baby. What are they thinking?! Why

> is the only other person the mother will consider an " out-of-town "

> in-law? She REALLY has no one else, or she's just not going to give

> up a good-thing?! Full time day-care around us is $600 to $900! a

> month-and that's only 7am-6pm on week-days! Maybe if your parents

> ask for some compensation, you'll find other suitable baby-sitters

> start popping out of the woodwork

>

> Ariel

>

> >

> > Hi-

> > My parents (age 71 and 76)took on babysitting

> > full-time for free for a distant relative, now 1 1/2

> > years old. My mom (bpd/co-dependent) is rather

> > obsessed with the child.

> >

> > She had a ruptured disk and finally agreed to physical

> > therapy, but didn't want to be away from child. She

> > repeatedly lifts the child even thought she is not

> > supposed to. She now has to have knee replacement

> > surgery and plans to have it over Christmas break when

> > the child's mother will be off work.

> >

> > She plans to be back to babysitting in one week when

> > the mother goes back to work. She will still be on a

> > walker and my dad will have to take up the slack of

> > babysitting. I told them to have the mother get a

> > back-up babysitter in town. She will only ask her

> > mother-in-law to come from out of town to 'fill in'.

> >

> > I feel they will ask me to help babysit. I am on

> > disability with fibromyalgia and am not able to

> > babysit. I feel this situation has gone too far and

> > if I help to that extent, I will be enabling my mom to

> > go on with her obsession/manipulation, whatever you

> > call it.

> >

> > I feel I will have to let my dad fend for himself and

> > not go over there when they have the child. I feel

> > guilty and am re-reading all my mental health books.

> > If I sound sane, I would appreciate hearing it I

> > begin to feel crazy in their atmosphere.

> >

> > I can read my aol mail at home, but computer is

> > antique, so can only read Yahoo mail at the library on

> > better computer. Thanks for your patience.

> >

> > Thank you,

> > Holly Chermack

> > hchermack@...

> > also

> > hlchrm@...

> >

> __________________________________________________________

> _______________

> > Sponsored Link

> >

> > Compare mortgage rates for today.

> > Get up to 5 free quotes. www2.nextag.com

> >

>

November 25, 2006

My nada does the " last minute " panicked cry for help, too. It's a

manipulation -- the last minute, desperate cry serves to ratchet up

the drama so that ALL of the pressure is on you to say yes.

She did this when she was taking care of her 90 year old mother and

had to accompany my fada to his Dr. appt. Instead of lining it up

with me in advance, she called that day and I went over there.

While it was nice to see my grandmother, I resented being used that

way. It cost me the whole day.

Then the next morning? Same thing -- breathless call for

help.... " someone needs to sit with granny -- she's not feeling

well " ...blah, blah blah. Same thing: sat there all day, unable to

do anything for MY family. Resenting it. (Oh, and by the way,

later in the day I asked granny if she was feeling OK, and she

said " Fine! Why? " )

I look heartless if I say no -- it's a clever trap, actually.

But I've changed since then. Found out about BPD, about BPD

mothers, found this group......my whole childhood and adulthood

makes sense now. I've changed.

That " last minute " crap is a handy tool for the manipulator. We

need to let their " emergency " remain THEIR emergency. We don't have

to make it ours. I'm just now realizing that fact.

> >

> > Hi-

> > My parents (age 71 and 76)took on babysitting

> > full-time for free for a distant relative, now 1 1/2

> > years old. My mom (bpd/co-dependent) is rather

> > obsessed with the child.

> >

> > She had a ruptured disk and finally agreed to physical

> > therapy, but didn't want to be away from child. She

> > repeatedly lifts the child even thought she is not

> > supposed to. She now has to have knee replacement

> > surgery and plans to have it over Christmas break when

> > the child's mother will be off work.

> >

> > She plans to be back to babysitting in one week when

> > the mother goes back to work. She will still be on a

> > walker and my dad will have to take up the slack of

> > babysitting. I told them to have the mother get a

> > back-up babysitter in town. She will only ask her

> > mother-in-law to come from out of town to 'fill in'.

> >

> > I feel they will ask me to help babysit. I am on

> > disability with fibromyalgia and am not able to

> > babysit. I feel this situation has gone too far and

> > if I help to that extent, I will be enabling my mom to

> > go on with her obsession/manipulation, whatever you

> > call it.

> >

> > I feel I will have to let my dad fend for himself and

> > not go over there when they have the child. I feel

> > guilty and am re-reading all my mental health books.

> > If I sound sane, I would appreciate hearing it I

> > begin to feel crazy in their atmosphere.

> >

> > I can read my aol mail at home, but computer is

> > antique, so can only read Yahoo mail at the library on

> > better computer. Thanks for your patience.

> >

> > Thank you,

> > Holly Chermack

> > hchermack@

> > also

> > hlchrm@

> >

>

_____________________________________________________________________

> _______________

> > Sponsored Link

> >

> > Compare mortgage rates for today.

> > Get up to 5 free quotes. www2.nextag.com

> >

>

November 25, 2006

Kyla,

It's a joy to see you grow just in the time that I've

" known " you here. Tell me the truth, you soak your

feets in Miracle-Grow! ;o)

you are so right about that last minute thing being

nothing but drama and manipulation and a test to see

" whoo LOVESSS MEEEEEEE. " Puke.

It's fun to say the adult thing to them like, " Oh, I

would love to help you out, if you only had told me

that you needed help two days ago, an hour ago, 5

minutes ago, as I have a meeting with Keanu Reeves In

NY at the Waldorf. You're welcome to attend

(something impossible) hahah.

or if you want to respond to them the way that they

are going to respond back anyway ~I call it the " Days "

approach.

" Who in the hell do you think you are, Missy, trying

to destroy my home with you last minute demands and

implications!! (Days of Our Lives and other Soap

Opras is where they get so much of this crap) if you

keep this up, I'll tell Luke and and YOU Will

NEVER be invited to their WREATH making contest again!

EVER!! And the ENTIRE TOWN of Quartermaineville WILL

KNOW HOW UNLOVEABLE YOU ARE!! Good-day, MuhhhMAAA

(Click) " [camera pans to BPD woman, breaking the

phone, writing a suicide

note...........pauses...........tears it

up.......laughs like Cruella Devil..........and plots

a smear campaign AT Luke and 's Holiday Wreath

Making Party. Oh the Joy of Being cruel and

destructive in front of others!!!! Yes........[camera

fades out, focusing on a piece of spinach stuck

between her teeth} Commercial break.

;o) LOL

Greg.

Just having some fun with the insanity.

--- kylaboo728 wrote:

> My nada does the " last minute " panicked cry for

> help, too. It's a

> manipulation -- the last minute, desperate cry

> serves to ratchet up

> the drama so that ALL of the pressure is on you to

> say yes.

>

> She did this when she was taking care of her 90 year

> old mother and

> had to accompany my fada to his Dr. appt. Instead

> of lining it up

> with me in advance, she called that day and I went

> over there.

> While it was nice to see my grandmother, I resented

> being used that

> way. It cost me the whole day.

>

> Then the next morning? Same thing -- breathless

> call for

> help.... " someone needs to sit with granny -- she's

> not feeling

> well " ...blah, blah blah. Same thing: sat there all

> day, unable to

> do anything for MY family. Resenting it. (Oh, and

> by the way,

> later in the day I asked granny if she was feeling

> OK, and she

> said " Fine! Why? " )

>

> I look heartless if I say no -- it's a clever trap,

> actually.

>

> But I've changed since then. Found out about BPD,

> about BPD

> mothers, found this group......my whole childhood

> and adulthood

> makes sense now. I've changed.

>

> That " last minute " crap is a handy tool for the

> manipulator. We

> need to let their " emergency " remain THEIR

> emergency. We don't have

> to make it ours. I'm just now realizing that fact.

>

> > >

> > > Hi-

> > > My parents (age 71 and 76)took on babysitting

> > > full-time for free for a distant relative, now 1

> 1/2

> > > years old. My mom (bpd/co-dependent) is rather

> > > obsessed with the child.

> > >

> > > She had a ruptured disk and finally agreed to

> physical

> > > therapy, but didn't want to be away from child.

> She

> > > repeatedly lifts the child even thought she is

> not

> > > supposed to. She now has to have knee

> replacement

> > > surgery and plans to have it over Christmas

> break when

> > > the child's mother will be off work.

> > >

> > > She plans to be back to babysitting in one week

> when

> > > the mother goes back to work. She will still be

> on a

> > > walker and my dad will have to take up the slack

> of

> > > babysitting. I told them to have the mother get

> a

> > > back-up babysitter in town. She will only ask

> her

> > > mother-in-law to come from out of town to 'fill

> in'.

> > >

> > > I feel they will ask me to help babysit. I am

> on

> > > disability with fibromyalgia and am not able to

> > > babysit. I feel this situation has gone too far

> and

> > > if I help to that extent, I will be enabling my

> mom to

> > > go on with her obsession/manipulation, whatever

> you

> > > call it.

> > >

> > > I feel I will have to let my dad fend for

> himself and

> > > not go over there when they have the child. I

> feel

> > > guilty and am re-reading all my mental health

> books.

> > > If I sound sane, I would appreciate hearing it

> I

> > > begin to feel crazy in their atmosphere.

> > >

> > > I can read my aol mail at home, but computer is

> > > antique, so can only read Yahoo mail at the

> library on

> > > better computer. Thanks for your patience.

> > >

> > > Thank you,

> > > Holly Chermack

> > > hchermack@

> > > also

> > > hlchrm@

> > >

> >

>

_____________________________________________________________________

> > _______________

> > > Sponsored Link

> > >

> > > Compare mortgage rates for today.

> > > Get up to 5 free quotes. www2.nextag.com

> > >

> >

>

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

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