Re: How to ask for what you want in a relationship...its hard

[Guest guest]

I just want to thank everyone for the insight on relationship

experience. It really helped. I think. I say that because its over with

someone that I thought I loved because I thought I knew him. Thought he

was being honest. Well, I thought wrong. But I figure I'll see

eventually, and see a glimmer of now, that its better that it ended now

rather than later when more hurt would come about. Not to say there's

not hurt now. There is. But as the rest of you KO's know, hurt is

something we have experience in handling. Bleh.

It still hurts.

And the poster was right that said " red flag " because I already saw

that as a red flag and hearing someone else outside my life say it kind

of helped me see I wasn't just being a wussy...it really was a red flag.

So thank you, all of you that responded earlier.

e

[Guest guest]

e,

I'm so sorry to hear about the ending of your relationship. I'm sure

it does hurt a lot right now, but you are right. It will hurt worse

later on when you know he's not the right one for you. I'm hoping

you come to a peaceful understanding of why this person was in your

life and what lessons you were suppose to learn that only he could

have taught. I had to kiss a few frogs before I got the right one and

those other relationships were not a waste in the overall picture of

my life. They taught me who I was and who I was not, what I would put

up with and what I would not put up with, that while love has

passion, it also needs a lot of friendship and integrity and

commitment and humor, that I don't need a joint-partnership as much

as soulmate who understands 'we' vs you and me. A lot of people don't

get that and that sucks when you do and they don't and you can still

love them and see good things about them.

Kerrie

>

> I just want to thank everyone for the insight on relationship

> experience. It really helped. I think. I say that because its over

with

> someone that I thought I loved because I thought I knew him.

Thought he

> was being honest. Well, I thought wrong. But I figure I'll see

> eventually, and see a glimmer of now, that its better that it ended

now

> rather than later when more hurt would come about. Not to say

there's

> not hurt now. There is. But as the rest of you KO's know, hurt is

> something we have experience in handling. Bleh.

> It still hurts.

> And the poster was right that said " red flag " because I already saw

> that as a red flag and hearing someone else outside my life say it

kind

> of helped me see I wasn't just being a wussy...it really was a red

flag.

> So thank you, all of you that responded earlier.

> e

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you Kerrie, and Greg...yeah you're right, its taught me a lot

of things I'm glad for. The biggest one being that I know I'm capable

of trusting a man. Of taking risks. I wasn't sure about it before. it

was scary to try but I did. i'm glad for that.

And yeah, not getting what you want sucks. so having it end is a lot

better than just settling. I've seen some of that already in me and

him talking thru the end of this. I'll see more in time I'm sure.

Thanks guys...

e

> >

> > I just want to thank everyone for the insight on relationship

> > experience. It really helped. I think. I say that because its

over

> with

> > someone that I thought I loved because I thought I knew him.

> Thought he

> > was being honest. Well, I thought wrong. But I figure I'll see

> > eventually, and see a glimmer of now, that its better that it

ended

> now

> > rather than later when more hurt would come about. Not to say

> there's

> > not hurt now. There is. But as the rest of you KO's know, hurt is

> > something we have experience in handling. Bleh.

> > It still hurts.

> > And the poster was right that said " red flag " because I already

saw

> > that as a red flag and hearing someone else outside my life say

it

> kind

> > of helped me see I wasn't just being a wussy...it really was a

red

> flag.

> > So thank you, all of you that responded earlier.

> > e

> >

>

[Guest guest]

In spite of all the evil my mentally ill parents have perpetrated

against me, I have learned the following from healthy people who do

love me:

I have a great capacity to love.

I have the ability to trust in spite of my trust having been abused.

I am compassionate.

I am wise.

I share my gifts with others who need them and appreciate themn.

I am very much worth loving. I am loveable.

I am worth others making sacrifices to give me what will please me.

I am a good person.

I am trustworthy.

I have gifts to give others that nobody else can give them.

I am not afraid to love myself.

I am not afraid to love others.

I can receive love and not be afraid it will hurt me like I was hurt

before.

Love heals all wounds.

My pain, although terrible and undeserved, has given me things that I

can now see and help me to be able to accept the horrible

mistreatment. Its so hard to have pain and not see any good purpose

come from it. To see good come from horrible pain has got to be one

of the most wonderful things we can find in this hard life we all

endure.

I just had to put these words out there to someone, someone who can

appreciate the hard struggle it is to learn the things I'm learning

about myself after having been tortured by unimaginable abuse and

pain. I am a survivor.

e

[Guest guest]

Keep going, e. You're doing great even when it hurts.

Greg.

phoenixsilverfire wrote:

In spite of all the evil my mentally ill parents have perpetrated

against me, I have learned the following from healthy people who do

love me:

I have a great capacity to love.

I have the ability to trust in spite of my trust having been abused.

I am compassionate.

I am wise.

I share my gifts with others who need them and appreciate themn.

I am very much worth loving. I am loveable.

I am worth others making sacrifices to give me what will please me.

I am a good person.

I am trustworthy.

I have gifts to give others that nobody else can give them.

I am not afraid to love myself.

I am not afraid to love others.

I can receive love and not be afraid it will hurt me like I was hurt

before.

Love heals all wounds.

My pain, although terrible and undeserved, has given me things that I

can now see and help me to be able to accept the horrible

mistreatment. Its so hard to have pain and not see any good purpose

come from it. To see good come from horrible pain has got to be one

of the most wonderful things we can find in this hard life we all

endure.

I just had to put these words out there to someone, someone who can

appreciate the hard struggle it is to learn the things I'm learning

about myself after having been tortured by unimaginable abuse and

pain. I am a survivor.

e

---------------------------------

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[Guest guest]

Yes! Good advice!

My therapist has given me this advice as well -- she said write down

a sentence or two that declares your " mission statement " . And make

it your own, positive statements (instead of " Well, I don't want

nada's drama anymore " ...etc.).

Since many of us are in danger of being enveloped by FOG, writing

these things down -- even memorizing them -- helps us stay on track

and step over their landmines.

-Kyla

> I just want to thank everyone for the insight on

relationship

> experience. It really helped. I think. I say that because its over

with

> someone that I thought I loved because I thought I knew him.

Thought he

> was being honest. Well, I thought wrong. But I figure I'll see

> eventually, and see a glimmer of now, that its better that it

ended now

> rather than later when more hurt would come about. Not to say

there's

> not hurt now. There is. But as the rest of you KO's know, hurt is

> something we have experience in handling. Bleh.

> It still hurts.

> And the poster was right that said " red flag " because I already

saw

> that as a red flag and hearing someone else outside my life say it

kind

> of helped me see I wasn't just being a wussy...it really was a red

flag.

> So thank you, all of you that responded earlier.

> e

>

>

>

>

>

>

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