Guest guest Posted July 8, 2004 Report Share Posted July 8, 2004 Hey Becky, Don't worry about how you look in the newspaper photo, I'll bet those daycare kids of yours think you are the most beautiful person in the world besides their mommies! Judi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 8, 2004 Report Share Posted July 8, 2004 Thank you, they are very sweet to me, even when I'm having a bad day. We do have fun. Today I painted up a 7 year old with my make up. He looked like a cross between an Indian and a jungle boy! We put him in the dog cage and took pictures like he was in a zoo. I'm making a slide show to e-mail his mom. We have fun a lot of the time. It's easy to just sit but changing diapers and cooking and doing the active stuff is hard. That's why my teenagers help me. They know how to show a good time and they take them outside to play so I don't have to go in the heat! The little ones tell me I'm going to babysit their babies someday if I'm not too old! I try to put on makeup every day and try to fix my hair. Most of the time I put it up in a clip, quick and easy. I also wear cologne or scented lotion so they don't remember a stinky old babysitter when they grow up! Becky [ ] Becky Hey Becky, Don't worry about how you look in the newspaper photo, I'll bet those daycare kids of yours think you are the most beautiful person in the world besides their mommies! Judi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 8, 2004 Report Share Posted July 8, 2004 Becky, I thought you looked just beautiful in the photo-with that great smile the kids must be crazy about you. nonny46 <nonny46@...> wrote: Hey Becky, Don't worry about how you look in the newspaper photo, I'll bet those daycare kids of yours think you are the most beautiful person in the world besides their mommies! Judi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 9, 2004 Report Share Posted July 9, 2004 Thank you, that was nice of you to say that. I needed that. Becky Re: [ ] Becky Becky, I thought you looked just beautiful in the photo-with that great smile the kids must be crazy about you. nonny46 <nonny46@...> wrote: Hey Becky, Don't worry about how you look in the newspaper photo, I'll bet those daycare kids of yours think you are the most beautiful person in the world besides their mommies! Judi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 28, 2004 Report Share Posted July 28, 2004 Dear Becky, I am so sorry that you have had such a hard time with your mom. Sometimes, we have to realize that we can't " fix " our family members and that it will take resources that we don't possess. When we are ill or our children are ill, we have to reach a point where we back off and let the professionals take care of them. My Mom now lives in a retirement home that can take care of her when she is ill. It also has levels of care that will accommodate her as her condition deteriorates. I do worry because she has moved back to where she was born and I am now 6 hours away. I miss who my mom used to be. I was always scared that I would end up like my mom. When I was fifteen and she had a breakdown, I had to grow up and take care of my siblings. It was a very difficult time in my life and since then I have felt that I am responsible for her. I am fortunate to have two sisters who have taken their turn. Please, do not punish yourself with guilt but rest easy knowing that you have cared for her and are now caring enough to let the right people help her. Take care of yourself. Iris --- natesmom4@... wrote: > My mother is a problem too. She is 83 and has heart problems but she can still go to play bingo > and the gambling boats every day, then complain she has no money. She talks about wanting to > die all the time. She was like that when I was little. She is supposed to be taking Paxil but > won't take it, supposed to go to a psychiatrist, but won't. Now she is accusing me of telling > the doctor that she can't drive and that is why the doctor said she can't. She had been a > problem for as long as I can remember and just today I finally decided that there is nothing > more I can do. She can drive, she can do whatever she wants. I quit arguing with her, told her > I will no longer try to help her and she can do whatever she wants as long as my name is not on > her car. I just hung up on the phone on her and that is it. Her sisters keep telling me how > mentally sick she is and I know that and told them I know that. I have power of attorney over > her and I think I will just call the doctors and tell them that since I cannot control her, they > must make a decision as to what to do with her and where to put her, then I will get a court > order and it will be done. She is making our family suffer too much and my son is 21 and is > very ill right now and I can't help her but I need to focus on him now. I'm sure the stress of > it all isn't helping my RA either. It's strange, but I feel like a weight has just lifted off > of my shoulders after this morning. I guess I'm being hard hearted but my children and husband > have suffered enough over her too. > > Becky > Re: [ ] Re: Family Support - Or Lack Thereof - Snowdrift > > > Dear S, > > Is your mom elderly? My mom doesn't like to listen either. If I say anything she just gets > silent > but I still listen to her list. She recently thought she was going to have a spinal tap > because > her white cell count has been low for years. She was telling us all that it was cancer and had > herself convinced. It turned out to be from infection of a tooth and the meds she takes. I had > told her that was probably the case but it was like she wanted it to be cancer. I know that > this > sounds strange, but my mom has wanted to die since my father died twenty-five years ago and > when > she told me that they decided not to do the procedure, she actually sounded disappointed. So, > yes, > when you say that mental health problems might be involved, it is possible. My mother is > bipolar > and suffers from depression and I have to not get upset about the things that she says because > they are not said to hurt me it is just that she feels that way. I learned a long time ago > that I > couldn't change things for her no matter how hard I tried so now I just try to provide > sympathy. > Relationships are so complicated, aren't they? If your family doesn't understand, that's ok > because you have all of us here who do. Take care. Iris > > --- snowdrift52003 <snowdrift52003@...> wrote: > > > > > > Hi Kim, > > > > > > I don't think that you are being selfish by asking this time for a > > little sympathy and reassurance > > > from your family. It is like the male partners in our lives...we > > don't want them to fix it, we > > > just want them to listen. > > > > I told my mom of my RA diagnosis in January. Since then, she has not > > referred to it once--not to ask me how I'm feeling or how my meds are > > working or anything. The reason for this is that she, too, has RA, > > but has chosen to not see a doctor, to hide in her home, and not deal > > with it. She is getting sicker and more disabled, but will never talk > > about it. The whole thing makes me angry and sad. She was a good mom > > to me--she just cannot deal with this. Might be a mental health issue > > complicating matters... > > > > S > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 28, 2004 Report Share Posted July 28, 2004 Thank you, I have released it all now. I have done what I can, I have never been able to change her and it took me 47 years to realize that I cannot change her. She's in a retirement apartment but not one where they can take care of her. She has a call button for help but has to be self sufficient to live there. It's time for the next level up, whatever that may be. Sometimes when I get upset with my 21 year old, I tell him I'm kicking him out to live with grandma! Those two would drive each other crazy! If I had the money I would buy them a little house and they could take care of each other. But, realistically, he will never be able to move away from us. He has his own little apartment in our house and that will be the best that he will be able to do. No room for her, though. Becky Re: [ ] Re: Family Support - Or Lack Thereof - Snowdrift > > > Dear S, > > Is your mom elderly? My mom doesn't like to listen either. If I say anything she just gets > silent > but I still listen to her list. She recently thought she was going to have a spinal tap > because > her white cell count has been low for years. She was telling us all that it was cancer and had > herself convinced. It turned out to be from infection of a tooth and the meds she takes. I had > told her that was probably the case but it was like she wanted it to be cancer. I know that > this > sounds strange, but my mom has wanted to die since my father died twenty-five years ago and > when > she told me that they decided not to do the procedure, she actually sounded disappointed. So, > yes, > when you say that mental health problems might be involved, it is possible. My mother is > bipolar > and suffers from depression and I have to not get upset about the things that she says because > they are not said to hurt me it is just that she feels that way. I learned a long time ago > that I > couldn't change things for her no matter how hard I tried so now I just try to provide > sympathy. > Relationships are so complicated, aren't they? If your family doesn't understand, that's ok > because you have all of us here who do. Take care. Iris > > --- snowdrift52003 <snowdrift52003@...> wrote: > > > > > > Hi Kim, > > > > > > I don't think that you are being selfish by asking this time for a > > little sympathy and reassurance > > > from your family. It is like the male partners in our lives...we > > don't want them to fix it, we > > > just want them to listen. > > > > I told my mom of my RA diagnosis in January. Since then, she has not > > referred to it once--not to ask me how I'm feeling or how my meds are > > working or anything. The reason for this is that she, too, has RA, > > but has chosen to not see a doctor, to hide in her home, and not deal > > with it. She is getting sicker and more disabled, but will never talk > > about it. The whole thing makes me angry and sad. She was a good mom > > to me--she just cannot deal with this. Might be a mental health issue > > complicating matters... > > > > S > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 22, 2004 Report Share Posted August 22, 2004 It just doesn't seem fair. I don't understand why you have to pay him anything. Is there any chance that will change or you can ask for a different judge? Becky [ ] Re: Off-topic posts - To everyone And all of this is > happening while I'm trying to get my divorce finalized and get the > child support that I have to pay my ex reduced since I had to take a > CUT IN PAY to change jobs to one I CAN ACTUALLY HANDLE BECAUSE I > HAVE RA and be able to pick my daughter up at a reasonable time from > her school. Forget that I supported us while my ex went through > graduate school and he just happened to pick a low paying career but > that doesn't matter and so I have to pay all my daugthers expenses > including the $850 average per month (it's $945 in the school year, > less in the summer) preschool and her clothes and my insurance co- > payments and drug co-payments and our health insurance premiums and > everything myself and after all that I have to pay him money too. I > do not make a ton of money! He just makes nearly nothing. And he > doesn't have any disease to deal with but that doesn't matter > either. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 22, 2004 Report Share Posted August 22, 2004 It's actually not a judge that says I have to pay this. Each state has it's own child support calculation - usually performed by a computer program. I live in PA and the way it works here they take your combined income less taxes and estimate an amount that should be spent on raising the child. Then they determine what percentage of the total income you each make, I make about 60% of our combined parental income and he makes 40%. So I am 60% responsible for providing that amount that the calculation said we should be spending on raising her (housing costs, food, clothing, etc.). Since I have her 50% of the time, then I end up paying 10% of that calculated amount (not 10% of my income, just 10% of the amount we should spend to raise her) to my ex to cover his expenses when he has her. So basically, he has her 50% of the time but is only responsible for 40% of the cost to raise her. He gets money from me to cover the other 10%. Confused yet? Then it gets more complicated by daycare costs. It is also income based so I am responsible to pay 60% of the daycare. But we aren't going to each write a check to them every month, so I just pay it directly. His portion of the cost is $340 per month. The child support computer says I should pay him child support of $403 but since I pay $340 to the daycare on his behalf, that leaves $63 to pay to him directly. Of course, then when I start getting bonuses at work I end up making 65% of our combined income, but also the computer will estimate we should be spending more to raise her since there is more income. So my $63 will go up to $175 per month starting in December. If he also gets a bonus at work then it will be a little less. Since it is income based, they don't take into consideration expenses. If I want to live in a place that has a back yard and feels like a home for my daughter, fine, and if he wants to live in a dump to save money, fine too. If I have medical costs for myself, too bad. If they relate to her care, then we would have to share it based on the percentage of incomes, but she is healthy. The costs I have are mine. I do get credit for paying her health insurance premiums but I work for a great company and it's only $22 per month for both her and I. If I had fought it and got custody of her 65% of the time, then I wouldn't have to pay him anything and he'd have to pay his own share fo the daycare cost. But that would be putting money above our daughter's needs (it really is best for her to be with each of us 1/2 time)... and I didn't do that. Jennie > It just doesn't seem fair. I don't understand why you have to pay him anything. Is there any chance that will change or you can ask for a different judge? > > Becky > [ ] Becky > > Up until now > I've had to pay him an extra $155 a month for child support (It was > actually $540 up until June, but the extra was spousal support and > it was temporary). I had to take a small cut in pay when I switched > jobs, so the child support for the rest of this year will only be > $63 but we'll just see how big of a stink his attorney makes about > that next week. Then at the end of this year my bonuses kick in so > it will go up to $175 per month. Not a ton of money but her school > and other expenses eat up everything I have. And I will have to pay > him this money until she is 18 unless he figures out and gets > motivated to actually put his graduate degree to work. It's his > choice to do that or not do that, the court won't force him to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 22, 2004 Report Share Posted August 22, 2004 Oh my, what a complicated situation! You are so kind by doing what you feel is best for your child. Little girl's need their daddies if they are good daddies. My heart goes out to you. Becky [ ] Becky > > Up until now > I've had to pay him an extra $155 a month for child support (It was > actually $540 up until June, but the extra was spousal support and > it was temporary). I had to take a small cut in pay when I switched > jobs, so the child support for the rest of this year will only be > $63 but we'll just see how big of a stink his attorney makes about > that next week. Then at the end of this year my bonuses kick in so > it will go up to $175 per month. Not a ton of money but her school > and other expenses eat up everything I have. And I will have to pay > him this money until she is 18 unless he figures out and gets > motivated to actually put his graduate degree to work. It's his > choice to do that or not do that, the court won't force him to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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