BROOKE/ HI I'M CINDI HEIN

[Guest guest]

DEAR BROOKE,

HI, MY NAME IS CINDI. A FEW DAYS OR SO AGO, I SAW YOU POSTED A

LETTER, BUT I WAS IN A HURRY. YOUR NAME - RELFECTIVE POET - CAUGHT

MY EYE, I THOUGHT TO MYSELF, THIS PERSON MUST BE A VERY SENSITIVE

AND INTERESTING PERSON TO HAVE AN ID LIKE THAT. I WISH NOW THAT I

WOULD HAVE READ YOU POST AND WELCOMED YOU HERE AND ANSWERED YOUR

POST. I AM SO SORRY.

I TOO, HAVE CONTEMPLATED AND ALMOST DID COMMIT SUICIDE SO MANY

TIMES. FIRST MY MOM WAS A PRESCRIPTION DRUG ADDICT - SO I HAD A PINK

SHOEBOX AND I WOULD STEAL SOME OF HER PILLS ON AT A TIME HERE AND

THERE. I HAD NEARLY A FULL BOX IN NO TIME. A WHOLE SHOEBOX ! I WAS

YOUNG THEN BARELY IN MY TEENS. I WOULD DO THE SELF-MUTILATION THING

TOO. NOT WHERE ANY ONE COULD SEE, I WOULD SCRATCH MYSELF REALLY BAD,

JUST ENOUGH TO THAT PAIN DISTRACTED ME FROM THE PAIN INSIDE MYSELF.

I WAS THE WORST OVER 6 YEARS AGO. I CUT A SCAR ON TOP MY LEFT HAND

FROM MY MIDDLE FINGER TO MY WRIST. IT IS STRAIGHT AS A

RULER...ITLOOKS LIKE I HAD SURGERY, PEOPLE ASK ABOUT IT NOW. AT THE

TIME I WAS THE LOWEST EVER, I HAD TO GET THE PAIN OUT.

BROOKE, NONE OF THESE THINGS WORK. THEY ARE TEMPORARY FIXES. LIKE MY

SECURITY IN KNOWING THE SHOEBOS WAS THERE HIDDEN IN MY CLOSET IF I

NEEDED IT, LIKE HURTING MYSELF TO LET OFF A LITTLE PAIN. PLEASE,

PLEASE FIND SOMEONE YOU CAN TRUST, SOMEONE YOU LIKE IN HEALTH CARE,

EVEN IF IT IS YOU GENERAL PRACTITIONER, TALK TO THEM. THEY ARE BOUND

BY CONFIDENTIALITY LAWS, THEY CAN ONLY DO, WHAT YOU TELL THEN OR LET

THEM DO. THEY CAN ALSO HELP YOU. THAT IS WHAT HAPPENED TO ME. I

HAD 3 KIDS AND A WONDERFUL HUSBAND. STILL THE AGONY WAS THERE, SO I

ACTUALLY SHOPPED AROUND FOR SOMEONE I FELT COMFY WITH. THEN I GOT

HELP. WHAT YOU NEED RIGHT NOW IS INSTANT HELP AND THEN SOME ONE TO

TEACH YOU COPING SKILLS, THAT TAKES SOME TIME BUT IT IS NOT

UNPLEASANT.

PLEASE BROOKE, INSTANT HELP - THEN COMPASSIONATE OVER TIME HELP. I

DO NOT KNOW HOW OLD YOU ARE. DO YOU MIND TO TELL ME ? OR ANYTHING

ELSE YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT ? I'VE GOT RA, FIBROMYALGIA, AND

NUEROPATHIC NERVE PAIN. IT'S BEEN GETTING PRETTY BAD THIS WEEK AND I

THINK I HAVE TAKEN A NEW TURN WITH MY DISEASES. MY DOCTOR TALKS

ABOUT EXERCISES TOO, ONLY I HURT TOO BAD TO DO ANY.

I WOULD LOVE TO TALK TO YOU BROOKE, ANY TIME - WHY IS YOUR ID

REFLECTIVE POET, IT IS LOVELY.....

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, THE DARK DOES NOT LAST - I CAN PROMISE YOU

THAT FROM BEING THERE MYSELF.

SINCERELY,

CINDI HEIN

heinscsf@...