Re: Good Daughter (formerly New to group)

[Guest guest]

You describe well my experience, too, . In my FOO, the

words " I love you " were never about love, always about need, and

usually manipulation. My (split/good) younger brother has drunk

that poison, too - saying the most malicous things, followed by " I

love you. " And at his wedding weekend (to a diagnosed BPD, though

he denies it in our FOO), our nada was walking around naked in the

very open upstairs of their house - trying to hug me and others

while naked. Talk about sick and incestuous.

If your gut - or your heart - tells you that affection and love are

absent, even if the words are being mouthed, trust yourself!

>

> I too used to get a horrible, creepy feeling when " putting on the

act "

> - trying to be affectionate when I wasn't feeling it. For me, I

think

> now that that feeling comes from the fact that I am violating my

own

> boundaries by acting something I do not feel.

>

> That unhealthy closeness they want is definitely incestuous - it's

> " emotional incest " . It's the kind of closeness they should be

sharing

> with a partner - but unfortunately due to their inappropriate

> behaviour they cannot get those needs met in such a relationship.

And

> unfortunately for us, we're the available replacements. And our

> wanting to please and help them (putting their needs first) enables

> them in this unhealthy behaviour.

>

> just some thoughts,

>

>

>