Thank you to everyone

[Guest guest]

THank you so much for the immeadiate feedback. All of it helps.

I guess im really searching for my own identity again. I spent 11

years in college and 5 years in residency to become a general

surgeon. I had rapidly grown to hate the healthcare system for what

it had become. It was no longer about taking care of patients. I knew

I would have to get out, but never dreamed it would be in this way.

I know I'll never go back to it, the hours, the stress, and the

physical aspcets are too much. Ive thought about volenteering part

time. But if I want to practice any other type of medicine Id have to

go back and do another residency, also im not sure I could make it

through that. Im grateful for the knowledge I gained, and I hope to

put it to use again someday, I'll never be Dr. Bachmann again.

About 5 years ago I started making stained glass windows, in an

effort to replace to ones that had originally been in my home when it

was built a hundred years ago. To my amazement I had artistic skills.

After I had to leave the practice of medicine, I turned it into a

business to make ends meet. And it became sucessful within 9 months,

I had become and artist. Learning the ins and outs of small business

and the legal aspects of it, have added quite a bit of work on top of

the designing and production. Now Im realizing that Im going to have

to back off how much I can put into the business.

Ive been estranged from my family since I was 17. They live 1000

miles away. Ten or twelve years ago I came out to them and told them

I was gay. I attempted to repair the relationship, which ultimately

failed. For me to be healthy I had to stay out of their dysfunctional

ways.

My ex-partner, was arrested two years ago, and then found guilty of

1st degree felony theft a year ago. The crime occured befor we had

met. I went throught greiving over that loss. When he was paroled, I

felt I needed to give him a place to stay to get his feet back on the

ground and find a job. In a surealistic fog, I watched him mentally

deteriorate into depression and psychosis. Eventually leading him to

holding me hostage and threatening suicide, then attempting suicide.

Thank God he was removed from my life for good.

I have a tremendous inner drive to be successful. Ive been given more

gifts than I'll ever know. Nearly everything Ive attemtped (except

relationships) Ive been able to excel in. My drive is fueled by a

passion for doing what is right and helping others. I know none of

the above things, alone define who I am. But as a group they made up,

who I am. Now with so many of them being removed I am floating around

in a void, not sure of who I am. Not sure how to deal with this

radically different future Ive been presented. From, finances, to

relationships, to physical limitation, to altered social

interactions.

Thanks for listening to this long ranting, the dogs (Merrill, Lynch,

and Cuepos) are tired of hearing it.

Larry