IMPORTANT HEALTH INFORMATION...PLEASE READ!

[Guest guest]

IMPORTANT HEALTH INFORMATION

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it. Don't waste them

on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not

make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by

driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn

And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient

mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system.

Need grain?

Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass, a green leafy

vegetable. And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily

allowance of vegetable slop.

Q: Is beer or wine bad for me?

A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As we all

know, scientists divide everything in the world into three categories:

Animal, mineral, and vegetable.

We all know that beer and wine are not animal or mineral, so that only leaves

one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and a beer and enjoy your

vegetables.

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one.

If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise

program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good.

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. How

could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should

only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO .... Cocoa beans. another vegetable!!! " It's the best

feel-good food around! "

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food

and diets. Now relax and have a cookie...

One more thing. " When life hands you lemons, ask for tequila and salt. "

~ " We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a

little of each other everywhere. " ~

~ " If I could reach up and hold a star for every time you've made me smile, the

entire evening sky would be in the palm of my hand. "

~ " We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a

little of each other everywhere. " ~

~ " If I could reach up and hold a star for every time you've made me smile, the

entire evening sky would be in the palm of my hand. "

[Guest guest]

Thank you Jan - I needed a smile today -

God bless,

Althea

--- In , " Jan =^..^= " <azmomacat2@y...>

wrote:

> IMPORTANT HEALTH INFORMATION

>

>

> Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is

this true?

>

> A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it.

Don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually.

Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like

saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster.

Want to live longer? Take a nap.

>

>

> Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

>

> A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat?

Hay and corn

>

>

> And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an

efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system.

>

>

> Need grain?

> Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass, a green

leafy vegetable. And a pork chop can give you 100% of your

recommended daily allowance of vegetable slop.

>

> Q: Is beer or wine bad for me?

>

> A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and

vegetables. As we all know, scientists divide everything in the

world into three categories:

>

>

> Animal, mineral, and vegetable.

>

> We all know that beer and wine are not animal or mineral, so that

only leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and a beer

and enjoy your vegetables.

>

>

> Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

>

> A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is

one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

>

> Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular

exercise program?

>

> A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No

Pain...Good.

>

>

> Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

>

> A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable

oil. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

>

>

> Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around

the middle?

>

> A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger.

You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

>

>

> Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

>

> A: Are you crazy? HELLO .... Cocoa beans. another

vegetable!!! " It's the best feel-good food around! "

>

> Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have

had about food and diets. Now relax and have a cookie...

>

> One more thing. " When life hands you lemons, ask for tequila and

salt. "

>

>

>

> ~ " We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go,

we take a little of each other everywhere. " ~

> ~ " If I could reach up and hold a star for every time you've made

me smile, the entire evening sky would be in the palm of my hand. "

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> ~ " We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go,

we take a little of each other everywhere. " ~

> ~ " If I could reach up and hold a star for every time you've made

me smile, the entire evening sky would be in the palm of my hand. "

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>