Humor- What Doctors Say v. What They Think

[Guest guest]

What Doctors Say vs. What They're Really Thinking:

" This should be taken care of right away. "

(I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month, but this is so easy and profitable

that I want to fix it before it cures itself.)

" Welllllll, what have we here...? "

(He has no idea and is hoping you'll give him a clue.)

" Let me check your medical history. "

(I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending any more time with

you.)

" Why don't we make another appointment later in the week. "

(I'm playing golf this afternoon, and this is keeping me from the links.)

" We have some good news and some bad news. "

(The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you're going

to pay for it.)

" Let's see how it develops. "

(Maybe in a few days it will grow into something that can be cured.)

" I'd like to prescribe a new drug. "

(I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig.)

" If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call. "

(I don't know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.)

" That's quite a nasty looking wound. "

(I think I'm going to throw up.)

" This may hurt a little. "

(Last week two patients bit off their tongues.)

" Well, we're not feeling so well today, are we...? "

(I'm stalling for time. Who are you and why are you here?)

" This should fix you up. "

(The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe this stuff.)

" Everything seems to be normal. "

(Rats! I guess I can't buy that new beach condo after all.)

" I'd like to run some more tests. "

(I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one.)

" Do you suppose all this stress could be affecting your nerves? "

(You're crazier than an outhouse rat. Now, if I can only find a shrink who'll

split fees with me...)

" There is a lot of that going around. "

(That's the third one this week! I'd better learn something about this.)

" If those symptoms persist, call for an appointment. "

(I've never heard of anything so disgusting. Thankfully I'm off next week.)