Re: Notes....that make you wonder.

[Guest guest]

Jan,

This is hillarious! I have just spent the last couple of weeks in a

hospital (not as a patient) and this reminded me of some of the

things I read and wrote with all of the comotion going on around the

floor. YOu write funny things when you are trying to do 3 things at

once!

Thanks for the laugh!!!

McK in VA

> THESE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE ACTUAL DOCTOR'S NOTES.

> Is it any wonder we have problems finding a capable doctor?

>

> 1. The patient refused autopsy.

> 2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

> 3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

> 4. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with

only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

> 5. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she

was very hot in bed last night.

> 6. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a

year.

> 7. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it

disappeared.

> 8. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears

to be depressed.

> 9.The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

> 10. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.

> 11. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but

forgetful.

> 12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

> 13. She is numb from her toes down.

> 14. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

> 15. The skin was moist and dry.

> 16. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

> 17. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

> 18. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

> 19. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life,

until she got a divorce.

> 20. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for

physical therapy.

> 21. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

> 22. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

> 23. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

> 24. Skin: somewhat pale but present.

> 25. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

> 26. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

> 27. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

>