The Pain Endures

[Guest guest]

Hello, all!! I need to vent a little. I went back to work this past

September after being off for 6 months due to surgical

complications. Things were a little rough there in the begining. I

was dependent on high doses of steroids to get me through the day

because the Remicade failed me after 9 months and Kineret was

worthless for me. The MTX isn't as effective and the plaquinal

doesn't seem to do much either. Any way, I got started on Enbrel

and, after 2 weeks, I was surprised at how effective it was. I

didn't realize how miserable I was until I had some relief. I

started out slowly with work. A few hours a week to kind of break

me in. Now, I used to to 12 hour shifts 3x a week or more. My

orthopedist didn't want me to do that cbecause he felt that an 8

hour shift 5x a week would be easier on me with the RA and FM. I

agreed. Of course, my manager has found a way to let that bite me

in the butt! She decided the 8 hour day I would work would be from

11am to 730pm. I like that I can sleep in, but I have found that

when I am working or doing something stressful, 12 noon seems to be

the witching hour for me. At that time I can feel the fatigue

kicking in, though it is managable. By 4 or 5pm, I am completely

spent. I tried the shift for the first time last week and I know it

isn't going to work out for me. I have been with the same hospital

for 12 years now. I have been in the same department for the last 8

years. I love what I do and I know that I will have to give it

eventually. The Enbrel hasn't been as effective as it was in the

begining. I know that it is in part do to the increased physical

and mental stress at work. Working 5 days a week with those hours

means that I have Saturday and Sunday to recover. My manager says

she has to cover those hours because we are so busy in the later

hours. As soon as she fills the 3 12hour shifts that are now

available, or at least one of them, I can go to days. Of course, I

have to wait until they go through their orientation first.

Depending on their experience it could take as long as 8 months. I

don't think I will live that long. I have tried to find a position

in other departments, but the only ones available would put me in a

worse position. I can't afford to go on disability at this time. I

have to bee off for 4 consecutive months before I can collect long

term disability. In August, I will have enough time built back up

to allow me to go on disability (short term). I don't know if I

will make it. Unfortunately, my RA (dx 2 years ago) has been very

agressive. I have damage to many of my joints. The worse being my

right hip. It has been causing such severe back pain that I feel

like my hip and back are going to give out on me. I go see my rheumy

in a few weeks. I know he will listen and advise me well. I just

feel so frustrated and broken down, both physically AND emotionaly

Thank you for listening. It is so theraputic talking to those who

go through the same thing or at least similarly enough. Blessed

Be...Marina in Oh