Unsure of myself

[Guest guest]

I have what is a problem to me that I'd like some advice on.

Like pretty much everyone here, I have good days and bad days.

Unfortunately, there have been a lot more bad days recently than good ones. I

have meds I can take, but tend to be cautious about narcotic painkillers. I

also have muscle relaxers for my fibro, and valium for my AS when the

inflammation starts pinching the nerves. I try to take only what I need to

bring it down to a tolerable level. Sometimes, even 2 Percocet doesn't have

much of an impact. And that's something I rarely do - take 2 of a med.

So, on the trally bad days, when it hurts just to walk, I'll go back to bed

and put on a relaxing CD. Sometimes, I'll end up spending most of the day in

bed.

And I feel guilty when I spend a lot of time in bed. I think it goes back

to my childhood when I was told literally every day that I wasn't good enough

and I would never be good enough. Spent 15 years in therapy getting rid of most

of the " ghosts " .

I was also taught that there was always someone worse than I was. My Dad

was fully fused from AS and worked full time. Of course, he took massive amount

of prednisone and painkillers to be able to do so, and died at age 51 from the

side effects of all those meds. It's one of the reasons I watch my meds.

But I know there are people all over the world who have many, many more

problems than I do, and a lot of them have no meds to help them out.

So, the bottom line is that I don't know if I should be pushing myself more

than I do on the bad days, or if I should find a way to stop feeling guilty for

resting on those days.

Any help would be most appreciated.

Dix