Holiday Eating Tips (ot)

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Holiday Eating Tips

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows

nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately.

Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly! Like fine single-malt scotch,

it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it

any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000

calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an

eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have

two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy.

Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed

potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole

milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an

automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your

eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's

food for free. Lots of it. Hello!!!! It's FREE?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You

can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for

long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a

10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted

Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them

and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of

attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind,

you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if you

don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When

else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory

celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up

from the table, you haven't been paying attention.

Reread tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

~ " We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a

little of each other everywhere. " ~ ~ " If I could reach up and hold a star for

every time you've made me smile, the entire evening sky would be in the palm of

my hand. " ~

~ " We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a

little of each other everywhere. " ~ ~ " If I could reach up and hold a star for

every time you've made me smile, the entire evening sky would be in the palm of

my hand. " ~