A DIETER'S CHRISTMAS

[Guest guest]

" A Dieter's Christmas "

'Twas the night before Christmas and all around my hips,

were Fannie May candies that sneaked past my lips.

Fudge brownies were stored in the freezer with care

in hopes that my thighs would forget they were there.

While Mama in her girdle and I in chin straps

had just settled down to sugar-borne naps.

When out in the pantry there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.

Away to the kitchen I flew like a flash,

tore open the icebox; then threw up the sash.

The marshmallow look of the new-fallen snow,

sent thoughts of a binge to my body below.

When what to my wandering eyes should appear;

a marzipan Santa with eight chocolate reindeer!

That huge chunk of candy so luscious and slick,

I knew in a second that I'd wind up sick.

The sweet-coated Santa; those sugared reindeer;

I closed my eyes tightly but still I could hear;

On South Beach, on Stillman, on Atkins, on TOPS,

a Weight Watcher dropout in sugar detox.

From the top of the scales to the top of the hall,

now dash away pounds, now dash away all.

Dressed up in Lane from my head to nightdress,

my clothes were all bulging from too much excess.

My droll little mouth and my round little belly,

they shook when I laughed like a bowl full of jelly.

I spoke not a word but went straight to my work;

ate all of the candy; then turned with a jerk.

And laying a finger beside my heartburn,

I gave a quick nod toward the bedroom I turned.

I eased into bed, to the heavens I cry,

if temptation's removed I'll get thin by and by.

And I mumbled again as I turned in for the night,

in the morning I'll starve... 'till I take that first bite!

~ " We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a

little of each other everywhere. " ~ ~ " If I could reach up and hold a star for

every time you've made me smile, the entire evening sky would be in the palm of

my hand. " ~