1) Belief: if people don't enjoy themselves at my party it means I am not good enough.

[Guest guest]

1) Belief: if people don't enjoy themselves at my party it means I am

not good enough.

1) Is it true?

Yes.

What's the reality of it?

People may or may not enjoy themselves at my party, and I am still the

same person... whether they do or they don't.

- Whose business is it?

Theirs.

2) Can you absolutely know it's true?

No.

- And it means that...

I am not likeable enough, which means I will be lonely, which means I

will be in pain. (OK... I know that's not true. It is an irrational

fear. I know that I am, in fact, likeable, and will not be lonely

because people don't want to be around me.)

- What do you think you would have?

I would have the feeling that I'm popular and that I'm skilled in the

art of party giving. (God... who cares about that? I'm realizing just

how irrational this fear is! I already feel likeable enough, and have

enough friends... so what am I worried about? This is very

interesting... I *used* to be insanely shy and worry I wasn't able to

make friends, but I am so over this.)

- What's the worst that could happen?

If people came to my party, had a bad time, the worst that could happen

would be that there would be a lot of awkwardness. Really nothing more.

These people would still like me. It wouldn't mean anything about my

future party giving abilities. If anything, I might learn something.

- What's the should?

People should have fun at parties.

- Where's your proof?

1) people spend money on it.

2) people take time out for it.

- Find your proof of truth.

People spend money on things to make them happy.

People take time to do things that are fun.

3) How do you react when you think that thought?

Omg, I get so stressed out. I take an inordinate amount of time to make

sure everything looks perfect, tastes perfect, IS perfect. Then at the

party I stress about people being late because I think it won't be fun

if there aren't enough people. I stress about enough people coming. I

stress about people looking bored. I stress about having enough

activities... about people not talking to eachother enough... I

basically have a terrible time. I usually only begin to enjoy myself

when people start leaving.

4) Who would you be without that thought?

Oh man... I could finally RELAX! I could enjoy having people over...

which is the whole reason I do it! They could enjoy me! Which is my

whole fear. Goodness gracious. I could prepare as well as I have time

for, and then just let events unfold without trying to control them to

unfold only in my way. Maybe happy surprises would happen? And if people

didn't enjoy themselves, I could see it as their business, or just a

normal part of life (not every party that is ever given is going to be a

smashing success). And, honestly, when I think about parties I've really

enjoyed, it's rarely about the host or the food or the decor... it's all

about how much I click with the other guests. Ahhh... what a relief.

Turnaround

to myself:

if I don't enjoy themselves at my party it means I am not good enough.

(Yes... in the sense that the only judgement that really makes me feel

not good enough is my own. I never truly know what others are feeling).

to the other: if people don't enjoy themselves at my party it means they

are not good enough. (That's true, too... in the sense that it is their

own story, and expectations that are causing them to have a bad time...

I can't make anyone have a bad time, even if I wanted to).

to the opposite: if people don't enjoy themselves at my party it means

I am good enough. (Yes... because it is not my 'fault').

For others... I am willing to/ I look forward to...

People not enjoying themselves at my party.