A Dillard's Tale

[Guest guest]

This could have easily happened here as there the stores mentioned are just

blocks apart.

DILLARDS THIEF-- in San , Texas This is too funny! This could only be

true, you can't make this stuff up. (For those who are not familiar with this

famous Department Store- )

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Clutching their Dillard's shopping bags, Ellen and Kay woefully gazed down at a

dead cat in the mall parking lot.

Obviously a recent hit---no flies, no smell.

" What business could that poor kitty have had here? " murmured Ellen. " Come on,

Ellen, let's just go... " But Ellen had already grabbed her shopping bag and was

explaining, " I'll just put my things in your bag, and then I'll take the tissue. "

She dumped her purchases into Kay's bag and then used the tissue paper to cradle

and lower the former feline into her own Dillard's bag and cover it.

They continued the short trek to the car in silence, stashing their goods in the

trunk. But it occurred to both of them that if they left Ellen's burial bag in

the trunk, warmed by the Texas sunshine while they ate, Kay's Lumina would soon

lose that new-car smell. They decided to leave the bag on top of the trunk, and

they headed over to Luby's Cafeteria.

After they cleared the serving line and sat down at a window table, they had a

view of Kay's Chevy with the Dillard's bag still on the trunk. BUT not for

long. As they ate, they noticed a black-haired woman in a red gingham shirt

stroll by their car, look quickly this way and that, and then hook the Dillard's

bag without breaking stride. She quickly walked out of their line of vision.

Kay and Ellen shot each other a wide-eyed look of amazement. It all happened so

fast that neither of them could think how to respond. " Can you imagine? "

finally sputtered Ellen. " The nerve of that woman! " Kay sympathized with Ellen,

but inwardly a laugh was building as she thought about the grand surprise

awaiting the red-gingham thief.

Just when she thought she'd have to giggle into her napkin, she noticed Ellen's

eyes freeze in the direction of the serving line.

Following her gaze, Kay recognized with a shock the black-haired woman with the

Dillard's bag, THE Dillard's bag, hanging from h! er arm, brazenly pushing her

tray toward the cashier.

Helplessly they watched the scene unfold: After clearing the register, the woman

settled at a table across from theirs, put the bag on an empty chair and began

to eat. After a few bites of baked whitefish and green beans, she casually

lifted the bag into her lap to survey her treasure. Looking from side to side,

but not far enough to notice her rapt audience three tables over, she pulled out

the tissue paper and peered into the bag. Her eyes widened, and she began to

make a sort of gasping noise. The noise grew. The bag slid from her lap as she

sank to the floor, wheezing and clutching her upper chest.

The beverage cart attendant quickly recognized a customer in trouble and sent

the busboy to call 911, while she administered the Heimlich maneuver. A crowd

quickly gathered that did not include Ellen and Kay, who remained riveted to

their chairs for seven whole minutes until the! ambulance arrived.

In a matter of minutes the curly-haired woman emerged from the crowd, still

gasping, strapped securely on a gurney. Two well-trained EMS volunteers steered

her to the waiting ambulance, while a third scooped up her belongings.

The last they saw of the distressed cat-burglar, she disappeared behind the

ambulance doors, the Dillard's bag perched on her stomach.

~ " We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a

little of each other everywhere. " ~

~ " If I could reach up and hold a star for every time you've made me smile, the

entire evening sky would be in the palm of my hand. "

~ " We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a

little of each other everywhere. " ~

~ " If I could reach up and hold a star for every time you've made me smile, the

entire evening sky would be in the palm of my hand. "