Re: Loving what is...really?

[Guest guest]

I worked at the exact same problem but with my daughter. Since you really

can't know what is fully going on in everyone's head and you also cannot

know if your daughters as well do not need to have him in their life just as

much as whatever he is doing for some " God known reason " it seemed to me

also an impossible task. Here are some of the turn arounds I came to as

well as some reasons they could be true. My daughter should display her

anger. She might need that inborn strength to be what she needs to be in

life (a soldier, corrections officer, policeman, mom, bodyguard). She might

need a harder lesson in controlling it and just has not gotten there yet.

My three other children need to learn what to do in the face of my daughters

anger. My daughter may need to know that we will all still love her no

matter what she does. Maybe in the future her strength is what will help

them get out of a situation. The other kids might need to learn how to deal

with violent people. My son who was very timid has gotten much " stronger "

because of having to defend himself against her. He now is not such a

" wimp " . Also we have a rule around my house. The hitter and the hitee both

get punished, always. I have seen it happen, usually everyone is at fault

at least partially. It might be just a " look " or a " tongue out " or a " nana

nana " and they will get slapped, pushed, etc. I tried telling her that her

punishment (hitting them) didn't fit the crime (tongue out) and I would just

punish her because she already did my job by punishing her sibling. I was

then sucked into the argument of " he stuck his tongue out at me " and when I

would ask the other one they would say " no I didn't " and she would say " yes

he did " and on and on. So since I don't think that anyone is completely

innocent my other children have learned not to " piss her off " because if

they do they will be grounded too. It has worked very well.

Just a suggestion to get you going so you can give the three reasons that

the turn around can be just as true when you get there.

_____

From: Loving-what-is [mailto:Loving-what-is ]

On Behalf Of sandralzires

Sent: Tuesday, February 12, 2008 4:33 PM

To: Loving-what-is

Subject: Loving what is...really?

Hi again,

Is it really possible to love what is all the time? I am really

struggling with that concept as it pertains to violence in the home.

My 9 year old son's behavior is very difficult (hitting, cursing,

bullying etc...) I have been working with him on his anger issues

(which I modeled while he was young).

I completely love and accept him; however I am sad that my daughters

are experiencing violence on a daily basis. That is the really hard

part for me. I see my daughters suffer his wrath and I feel

frustrated and down right violent myself.

My son is violent.

I find that hard to love even though I realize that he is where he

is for a reason- his highest good.

How about my responsibility to make sure that everyone is safe in my

home, which is not an easy job.

Thanks,

[Guest guest]

Exactly my point - it has to be genuine, or it isn't real. And it's only

genuine when it is :-) I'm thinking of what BK said about not pretending

yourself beyond your own evolution.

Love

H

AW: Loving what is...really?

Nah... go for " loving with all of your heart " ! Don't settle for mediocracy.

:-)

Remeber the meditation card: " When they attack you and you love them with

all your heart, your work is done. " ;-)

And this is about genuine love. Nothing less.

Love,

----- Ursprüngliche Mail ----

> Von: Starke <reiki_in_girvan@

<mailto:reiki_in_girvan%40btinternet.com> btinternet.com>

> An: Loving-what- <mailto:Loving-what-is%40yahoogroups.com>

is

> Gesendet: Mittwoch, den 13. Februar 2008, 10:21:54 Uhr

> Betreff: RE: Loving what is...really?

>

> I suppose it depends on what you mean by " love what is " . To me there's an

> element of " striving to tolerate " behaviour/s which you're not happy about

> - and I don't think this is about trying to be happy about something that

> you're not happy about.

[snip]

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[Guest guest]

Hi there,

Thank you very much for the thoughtful reply. I am coming to terms with

my thoughts on violence and feeling much better. I really appreciate

your words. They have helped.

Blessings,

[Guest guest]

, you say directly that you are struggling with the concept of

" loving what is. " The word " struggle " sounds like an indicator of a

fruitful area to do The Work.

Start with this, if it resonates:

You are supposed to love what is. Is it true?

I'd suggest writing down your stressful thoughts about " loving what

is " and question them one by one.

My take is that " loving what is " is 's description of her own

experience, not a command.

>

> Hi again,

> Is it really possible to love what is all the time? I am really

> struggling with that concept as it pertains to violence in the home.

> My 9 year old son's behavior is very difficult (hitting, cursing,

> bullying etc...) I have been working with him on his anger issues

> (which I modeled while he was young).

>

> I completely love and accept him; however I am sad that my daughters

> are experiencing violence on a daily basis. That is the really hard

> part for me. I see my daughters suffer his wrath and I feel

> frustrated and down right violent myself.

>

> My son is violent.

> I find that hard to love even though I realize that he is where he

> is for a reason- his highest good.

> How about my responsibility to make sure that everyone is safe in my

> home, which is not an easy job.

>

> Thanks,

>

>