Please laugh with me on these. (ot)

[Guest guest]

My grandson is a great dramatist and embellisher when little is known or he has

forgotten the whole story. He is also a comedian and I have to listen to things

like this often and with a straight face. He is around people who use the

dictionary or expanded type of vocabulary and doesn't want to be caught short

not knowing what some of the words mean. These statements are no way a

reflection on the school system. Grade school is as the word says Grade school

which takes in in some communities grades K-5. I get a large charge as the

vernacular goes out of statements like this.....Jan

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A compilation of statements from actual grade school papers:

1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in Hydraulics. They

lived in the Dessert and the climate of the is such that the

inhabitants have to live elsewhere.

2. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red sea, where they made unleavened bread

which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to

get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.

3. had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.

4. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have

history. The Greeks also had Myths. A Myth is a female moth.

5. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name.

6. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice.

They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death his

career suffered a dramatic decline.

7. Eventually the Romans conquered the Greeks. History calls people Romans

because they never stayed in one place for long.

8. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The ides of

March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made King. Dying, he

gasped out: 'Tee hee, Brutus.'

9. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw. Finally

Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice for the same offense.

10. Another story was Tell who shot an arrow through an apple while

standing on his sons head.

11. Queen was the 'Virgin Queen.' As a Queen she was a great success.

When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted 'hurrah.'

12. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented

removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of

blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes

and started smoking. Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot

clipper.

13. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was Shakespeare. He was born

in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is

famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and

hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and t are an example of

heroic couplet. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by t.

14. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Cervantes. He wrote

Donkey Hote. The next great author was Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost.

Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.

15. One of the causes of the Revolutionary War was the English put tacks in

their tea. Also the colonists would send their parcels through the post without

stamps. Finally the colonists won the war and no longer had to pay for taxis.

Delegates from the original 13 states formed the contented congress.

Jefferson, a virgin, and lin were two singers of the declaration

of independence. lin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backwards

and declared, 'A horse divided against itself cannot stand.' lin died in

1790 and is still dead.

16. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number

of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his

attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous composer in

the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German and Half Italian and half

English. He was very large.

17. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud

music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him.

Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died from this.

18. The ninteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and inventions.

People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine. The

invention of the steam boat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus

McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred men.

19. Louis Paster discovered a cure for rabbis. Darwin was a naturalist

who wrote the organ of the species. Madam Curie discovered radio. And Karl Marx

became one of the Marx Brothers.

20. The first world war, caused by the assignation of the Arch-Duck by an

anahist, ushered in a new error in the anals of human history.

~ " If I could reach up and hold a star for every time you've made me smile, the

entire evening sky would be in the palm of my hand. "