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Subject: fractured anguish

The following excerpts are actual answers given on history tests and in Sunday School quizzes by children between 5th and 6th grade ages in Ohio. They were collected by two teachers over a period of three years. Read carefully for

grammar, misplaced modifiers, and, of course, spelling. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Since then no one ever found it.

Ancient Egypt was old. It was inhabited by gypsies and mummies who all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Dessert. The climate of the is such that all the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.

Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandos. He died before he ever reached Canada but the commandos made it.

had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines. He was a actual hysterical figure as well as being in the bible. It sounds Like he was sort of busy too. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them

we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a young female moth. Socrates was a famous old Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. He later died from an overdose

of wedlock which is apparently poisonous. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline. In the first Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled biscuits, and threw the java.

Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out "Same to you, Brutus."

Queen was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted "hurrah!" and that was the end of the fighting for a

long while. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper

which was very dangerous to all his men. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was Shake- speare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only

because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Jefferson, a Virgin, and lin

were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. lin discovered electricity by Rubbing two cats backward and also declared, "A horse divided against itself cannot stand." He was a naturalist for sure. lin died in 1790 and is still

dead. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's Mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands... Abraham Lincoln freed the

slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. They believe the assinator was Wilkes

Booth, a supposingly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from

1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English. He was very large. The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts

and inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine. The invention of the steam- boat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Darwin was a naturalist. He wrote the Organ of the

Species. It was very long. People got upset about it and had trials to see if it was really true. Madman Curie discovered radio. She was the first woman to do what she did. Other women have become scientists since her

but they didn't get to find radios because they were already taken.

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