MARINA/CINDI PAIN RELIEF

[Guest guest]

MARINA,

I HEAR YOU, IF ONLY OUR PAIN RELIEF METHODS AND MEDS WERE AS

PLEASANT AS CHOCOLATE, OR AT LEAST NOT AS BAD AS THE PAIN ! YOU HANG

IN THERE GIRL ! I FEEL LIKE I AM NOT GOING TO MAKE IT TODAY THOUGH.

I AM SO SICK FROM MY MTX AND IN A LEVEL 9 PAIN RANGE. SOMETHING WILL

HAVE TO GIVE, IF ONLY I COULD HIDE FROM MY FAMILY FOR A FEW HOURS

AND CRY IT ALL OUT, IT SEEMS LIKE THE LAST WEEK WHEREVER I TURN,

THER IS SOMEBODY IN MY FACE. I NEED SOME TIME TO CRY AND RE-POSITION

MY ATTITUDE AN TIGHTEN MY BELT. PEOPLE DON'T NEED TO SEE ME DO THAT,

NOR COULD THEY HANDLE IT IF THEY HAD TOO. SO - IS MY DILEMA TODAY. I

THINK IT WILL HAPPEN AS I COMPLETELY BLOW, UPSET EVEYONE, SENDING

THEM SCATTERING IN ALL DIRECTIONS AND THEN I WILL FEEL EVEN MORE

GUILTY. LAST NIGHT MY 21 YEAR OLD SON TOLD ME I AM NOT FIGHTING

HARD ENOUGH.

HE SAID IF THIS WERE HIM, HE'D FIGHT HARDER AND DO WHATEVER HE

WANTED TO PHYSICALLY. I LET HIM TALK, IT IS OBVIOUS HE DOESN'T

UNDERSTAND THE PAIN I AM IN, OR THE DISEASE, HE THINKS I SHOULD

NEVER TAKE ANY PILLS, SO I WILL LET HIM STAY IN LA LA LAND. THEN HE

WON'T HAVE TO WORRY LIKE MY HUBBY DOES. JOHNNY TOLD ME THAT MY

HUSBAND GOES APE AT WORK WHEN HE IS WORRIED ABOUT ME, AND NEARLY

BREAKS EVERYTHING HE CAN GET IS HANDS ON AND THEN CALMS DOWN. THIS

REALLY SHOCKED ME TOO, MY LOVEY NEVER SHOWS THIS SIDE TO ME,

SOMETIMES HE IS SO LAID-BACK I THINK HE DOESN'T CARE. NOW, I REALLY

FEEL GUILTY AND BAD. IT IS TOO HARD TO KEEP HIDING MY PAIN AND IT'S

DIFFERENT LEVELS EVERYDAY. MY FAMILY ( I AM SO BLESSED ) THEY DON'T

GET IT, THEY CARE TOO MUCH AND I FEEL LIKE I CAN'T GET THIS BUS ON

THE TRACK, MY POOR HUSBAND, I HAD NO IDEA. I AM A BAWLING WRECK

TODAY.

IT'S GOOD TO KNOW YOU ARE ALL OUT THERE, THANKS MARINA. PRAY I GET A

GRIP HERE, I DON'T WANT TO LET ANYONE DOWN TODAY.

THANKS, SO MUCH CINDI