there's something wrong with me

[Guest guest]

I know i've done this one several times before but here it is again..

1, yes there must be if he dumped me

2, no it just happened the way it did.

3, I look over the relationship and i try and pinpoint what it was I did that

made him dump

me, i feel guily and ashamed .I think that I was harsh sometimes with my truth,

I reflect

back on any little thing I did or said over the past few weeks which would have

effcted

him, I tell myself I'm an idoit for not recognising what I had until it was too

late. I chastise

myself for not being loving enough back. I berate myself for chaning my mind and

blowing

hot and cold and I beat up on myself for not making a commitment and for falling

in love

with him just before he dumped me. I try and avoid this sinking feeling I have

by trying to

work out a strategy to win him back. I feel defeated and then I jump into the

next

relationship that I haven't even had yet and I tell myself it will be the same

and what's the

point ..

I feel hopeless. I cry, I curl up in a ball . I look for other people to tell me

i'm ok ..And I

believe most of all that if he would take me back then It would mean I'm ok.

I get to hold the identity of a victim and my mind gets to be right because he

finished with

me and so therefore there must be something wrong with me .. here's my

evidence!!!

the worst thng that could happen without this thought is that I'd never be able

to fix

myself and then i'd always be broken and no it's not working ...

I'm in his business , trying to work out what he thinks is wrong with me in his

mind.

This thought brings me alot of stress

4, I would have woken up this morning , looking fowad to my day rather than

being

obsessed by the day he split up with me .

I would be peaceful and happy, I would happily let go of my love and wished him

the best

of luck, I would be noticing all the love around me and not tring to get it from

someone

who doesn't want to be with me anymore. I would be my own source of love,

sitting in my

divinity, watching as it all unfolds with excitement at what might be my next

step.

I would feel comfortable in my body. Life would be easy, I would embrase every

moment. I

would be one hot momma ...I would be comforatble being angry, sad, crying,

moody,

rude. I wouldn't be focused on Todd, I'd be getting on with my own life.. I

wouldn't be

searching for love from anyone else.

I would look at todd and want for nothing. I would be totally free and loving ..

T.A There's nothing wrong with me

1, I just tried to stay married to my truth in the relationship and I guess that

wasn't how he

wanted it to look.

2, He told me it wasn't that I did something wrong just that he had changed his

mind and

wanted to be alone.

3, It's not personal, only the story he tells himself about me.

4, I'm still breathng, sleeping, eating, picking my nose..

T.A There's something right with me

1, I'm able to get some distance on this and bring myself back to the present

moment on

occasion.

2, I was able to stay with my truth which changed alot for the whole 4 months

we were

together.

3, because I spoke my truth eve on the day we split and told him I loved him and

didn't

blame hm for any of this

4, because I want him to be happy and be in his truth and his truth appears to

be that he

doesn't want to be with me right now.

5, because I'm not pushing down the feelings when they arise, i'm just allowing

them to

have their life.

6, I'm sitting here doing the work on this again because i want to be free

7, because this has inspired me to do the cerification programme and take over

the inquiry

circle.

8, because i was born and so it looks like i'm meant to be here.

9, I know deep in my heart that this is the best possible outcome for both of

us.

10, I had 2 friends wh came and gave me a sandwich hug this morning and told me

how

beautiful, amazing and sweet I was.

11, because I was able to reach out and ask for help

12 because yesterday I was able to have real clarity, be present and see all the

love around

me.

13, i'm still making it to work

14, i have been able to keep up a good routine of self care and honour myself.

15, I look good, am still moving out of my house.

16 because i am looking foward to this time alone to look ater myself

17, because I cook and clean for people everyday and help them out,

18, i pick up hitch hikers

19, i love cooking for people,

20, i have great nutrition skills, i'm a great facilitator.

21, i'm a great dancer

22, i have a very forgiving heart

23, i'm not too messy

24, i can drive

25, i live a wonderful life in hawaii