Re: Imogene/The upheaval around here

[Guest guest]

Hello Imogene,

It's so wonderful to see you here. I know how hard this has all been for you. I

understand

completely. It tears me apart too when Jim brings up going home and I have to

distract him into another conversation. I can't bring him home as often as I did

for the weekends,

because Jim had a blood clot and is on Coumadin now and has to have his blood

drawn every

two days to test it's level of thickness. I can't bring him home for one night

and back the next,

that would really be hard on him. It's better to keep him at the nh. I do take

him out at least 3Xs

a week for outdoor summer concerts in the park or out for dinner or breakfast,

but I bring

him back to the nh.

Imogene, I went through the same emotions that you are going through. It is very

hard and there

is such a void. Jim was acting the same as Don and wanting to come home, that is

how

the DON (Director of Nursing) requested from Medicaid that Jim beable to come

home on

weekends for therapeutical reasons and they accepted the request. I did leave

Jim at the nh

for almost a year (10 months) to acclimate to the nh and get to know the people

before bringing

him home, so it wasn't so hard after he came home on weekends to bring him back

to the nh.

I would visit everyday while he was adjusting to the nh. It is one of the

hardest things I had

to do, so I know exactly what you are feeling Imogene.

Jim seems to be on a down swing and it breaks my heart to see him. He is my

hero, he

is so brave. I tell him everyday that he is my hero. Ever since he has been on

the Coumadin and

having to go through blood draws so often, it seems to have worn him down. I may

just

have  him taken off of it, saving him from blood clots is not going to save his

life anyway, so I

am thinking why put him through this. It's so hard Imogene and it breaks my

heart to see our

LOs suffer through this disease and how we suffer too seeing our LOs so

frail                                                    and being taken away

from us. It makes me tearful speaking about it. Still my hero

struggles                              to stand on his feet to get into the car,

so I can bring him out for a ride. He is getting so weak.                   

Where he finds the strength to get up on his feet, I don't know. He is so

determined. I LOVE THIS MAN!

All you can do is love your man and do as you do. He knows how much you love

him.

Imogene, I can never get out of the house fast enough to race to the nh. There

are so many

errands and things I have to stop and do, because life goes on and all I want to

do is be with

Jim. In my heart I know he is in the right place, and I don't have any guilt

feelings about that. It's

just the void without him near me every minute of the day. I know you are going

through the same

emotions, but in your heart you will know you did the right thing and you will

be able to hold onto

that as hard as it is. We are losing our man(Your man and my man) everyday to

this disease and                      we are blessed that we still have them to

hug and love.

Now on a brighter note: You made me laugh about that bath water. It sounds like

California.                          Only our water main didn't break, we are

put on limited water, because we are in a drought.

A notice came in the mail to only use water for personal cleaning like; shower,

washing clothes

and dishes, but not to water the garden or we will be fined for going beyond the

water limit.

I could no longer watch my plants dying. Jim had a landscaper put them in

several years ago

and it cost a pretty penny. Our automatic sprinkler system is broken, so I

bought a sprinkler                                that I have to move around,

but I can control the time that it is on. A few days ago while

watering,                      I went out to move the sprinkler and the  hose

had a knot in it, so I shut the water off and got the                     knot

out and turned the sprinkler back on and the water pressure made the sprinker

spin around in another direction and the water hit my neighbor working in his

yard on the other side of the fense and the cold water took him by suprise. LOL 

I ran to pull the sprinkler away and it got me drenched from head to

toe                 and just then the mailman walks up and hands me the mail and

I am standing there with the wet T-shirt look!

Today, you will be going to visit Don and it will be a good day because you are

with him.

Imogene, have you looked into independent living apartments for seniors? There

are some very

nice ones here and there might be there too. They are for low income seniors and

are affordable, yet

very attractive apartments. They are in nice areas here too, so maybe you can

find one in your area.

Take care Imogene and keep us informed of your adventures.

Love and Hugs,

Jan

The upheaval around here

Hello everyone,

I would love to write to each of you, but time and health prevent  it.

Love you all. My big wonderful cyber family!

I am going to share several post with you in one letter. I am so  sorry, but

this is the only way I can write to you. They are parts and bits of  letters

to all six of my children, who get one letter. Sorry to lump  everyone.

First, I do want to comment on Sandie. I am so sorry she is having  trouble

right now. I love her very much. From your letters I gather that she may  have

Prinzemetal's or Variant Angina. I know exactly where she is coming from. I 

was diagnosed with it in my early forties. It was caught during a treadmill 

test. All of your descriptions are right on the money Sherrie. The biggest help 

I have received was the channel blocker Cardizem. Now that I am in my mid 

seventies I no longer have that pain. I do have trouble now with Gerd, but it is

not the same pain. I will say this in addition. No test show the tiny 

capillaries or tips of the arteries. Women can look as if they are as healthy

as  a

horse and are having pain from those tiny blocked arteries. This is a 

relatively new finding.

I pray our dear Sharon M. is doing well, and Ron. Jan, I  do hope all is

holding it's own with Jim. I haven't been able to keep up,  so just know I do

think about you.

(1) July 18th 

Hi dear children,

and I took Don to the doctor in  Fredericksburg on the morning of the

18th. The Doctor Admitted  Don right then and there. So we took him to the

nursing home. We went back  again on the 23ed to do all the Medicaid work with

the Lady, and bring Don  home, to be here for his surgery on the next morning.

In the mean time  I spent many hours getting all the paper work together for 

Medicaid.

Thursday morning, the 24th, I flew around here getting  things packed for me,

(yes, alone. 's family had plans to go to the  coast, with my

blessing, as they had been given a free place to stay) I  would take Don to have

surgery at 9:30 A.M. All the  Squamous Cell Carcinomas were removed, and he has

done well. After the  surgery I drove him up to Fredericksburg in a terrible

rain

from the  hurricane sending rain up here from the coast. After I got him

situated I told  him I would be back for supper. I drove around looking for a

place to stay, and  goodness at the prices!

It's a tourist town, and they didn't bat an eye when they told me  their

prices. I found one dive at 34.50 a day, but it was filthy! So I stayed in  one

at

one hundred, (and that was cheap) yet, I found a mouse dropping on  the

floor. It was a beautiful place and the garden was a delight out my window. 

Don's

daughter came to look in on me, and I ate fig bars and bananas, and told  her

to tell Don I couldn't make it for supper. I was so tired after all the 

driving in the rain, and looking for a place, that I went to sleep by six PM. 

and

woke up at seven AM. Except for two trips to the bathroom, but I went right 

back to sleep both times. So, I got my hundred dollars worth of sleep. How

about  that! 

I visited with Don and had lunch with him. We sat on the verandah  talking

for quite a while, and it rung my heart out for him when he cried from  being

lonely for me. I want to move near him as soon as I can find a reasonable 

apartment. I want to keep the house so I can come back to it, but Katy can  live

here while I am up there.

It is a terrible row to hoe to take the beginning steps for the  end. I want

to be with him all I can. We were always two love birds and still  are, so

while I can I intend to keep it so.

Love you all through very tired eyes and fingers,

Mama

(2)

I just talked to Don, and I could barely hear him some of the time,  and at

other times I couldn't hear him at all. He has a picture of me, and said  it

was his favorite. He also has my book that I just had bound. He said he has 

read about twelve pages of it already. It is 361 pages so he has a lot of 

reading, but then, it also has a lot of pictures. He loves his big chair to

take 

his naps in.

This is so hard on both of us, I just hope he doesn't start  begging to stay

home. If he does, I'll relent and keep him here. But, I can't. I  just can't.

Oh the agony!

(3)

 

Here is the latest, all you lovable people.

The day of Don's surgery the water main down the road had  broken. NO water

for my bath, nor to flush the toilets, nor to brush our teeth.  I had been

flying around packing to go up to the nursing home, so I got in Don's  cold bath

water as he hadn't pulled the plug the night before. You  talk about holler

from that cold water! Then we used it to flush the toilets. (I  didn't have time

to heat it) Thank goodness I didn't realize he hadn't pulled  the plug. He

bathed in the bath tub, as he felt safe in it.

Fortunately, I had some left over coffee that I heated in the  Microwave. I

almost always set up the coffee pot the night before, but I was  running my

legs off trying to help Don with his bath the night before, and to  get his

clothes, and help him get ready for bed, plus pack some things for  me. So I

neglected the coffee pot. We had a half jar of 7up that we used to  brush our

teeth.

Such as it was. Were we having fun yet? (It's a laugh  now). I am going to

put a jar of water in the refrigerator.

Yesterday, I visited Don. He cried about being separated from  me. He can't

express himself well, but did when he looked me in the  eyes while crying, and

pleaded, " Green eyes please come and live with  me. " Can you imagine how that

made me feel?  I told him I would as  soon as I could find a place that is

suitable all around. (clean, and the  cost)

Don is fine and in the very best of hands. The man that bathes him  and sees

to it that Don brushes his teeth, is superb, and of course Don's  Daughter

looks after his other needs. As hard as it is, I am glad he is  there.

I have to get my hearing aids, Monday.  I find I MUST have  them. That two

days with Don, and not being able to hear unless his cheek was  touching mine,

was extremely stress producing. That is what wore me out so  badly. I am going

to go up and be with Don as soon as I can  on Tuesday after I get the hearing

aids. But, this weekend I am  going to rest.

Yeah, right! I am doing three loads of laundry right now. Don's bed  clothes,

etc.

And, I have to get ready by properly packing so I can be a  little more

organized.

It is something when a situation is all over, how you can look back  at the

ridiculousness of it and have a big belly laugh. I sure have over that  cold

bath and teeth brushing.

I love you all,

Mama

(4)

Don was on a tear tonight, and his daughter let him talk to me on  the phone.

He was coming to me right now!  She let him talk awhile and told  me it is

best if I don't

come often as he expects to go home.  She told me to stay away until he

becomes adjusted. I have news for  her!

He tore me apart with his pleading, and said he was coming to me  right now! 

He has always done best when I hug him a lot and reassure him.  I told his

daughter that. I said he is a scared man-child, and needs lots of  hugs. She

said one of the male aids was with him, and was averting his attention  to the

TV. I just want to ball. But, I told Don, we both knew this was going to  be

hard. Very hard. And, it is.

Tues. the 26th, (my daughter) knows how I feel.  So even though Don's

daughter didn't think I should come around very  much, took me up

there. We spent the day visiting Don, (which was  wonderful,) and we looked for

apartments. We ate lunch and dinner  (supper) with him. Sharon had the day off.

Today, Sharon called and said, " Daddy was so much better  all day. " She

asked, " Are you are coming up on Friday? " I told her, " I sure am. "   She was just

confirming what Don had told her. She said, " He is really looking  forward to

your next visit, " and that she would be out of town Friday  through the weekend.

It will be Aug 17 before I know how much money I will be  getting from Social

Security. So, I can't rent a nice senior apartment near Don  until I know. In

fact, I can't rent anything until I know. We found that out  when apartment

looking. The woman said she needed a piece of paper stating my  income.

Monday, I ran many errands, including pharmacy for Don, until  Medicaid kicks

in. Tuesday, , and I, went up there, Joy,  joy! We had quite a day!

Today, I drove all over the place  trying to find the Social Security office to

find out how much  I would actually have to work with.

I nearly fell through the floor. The man's words really  upset me. I asked if

I would get even a portion of my husband's check. He said it has to go to the

nursing home. Finally, he said  well, it depends on where your husband wants

his money  sent. I said it has always gone into our checking account. He said

Well, you  will still have to pay the nursing home. I thanked him for being 

patient with me, and took my leave.

I tend to believe the woman that set up Medicaid for Don to start  with. She

said I would get both of our checks, and that the month that Medicare  should

have paid will be covered by Medicaid too. It's a small town and a lot of 

strings were pulled to get help for Don. I will wait until the  17th when I have

it in writing and then get a place to live. I am going to  be with him! (sleep

in the car? Yeah right!) (grin) I do wish I now had the  old camper.

The food at the NH is excellent. A man told he thought  so when she

waited for us in the Doctor's office. Well, one person's likes  are not

necessarily everyone's. Believe me it IS very good. I am so glad.  It is not

hospital

food.

Don is wearing a bracelet so that he can't leave. He became  very adamant

with me just before dinner, (really, supper to me). He wanted  to go out the

back

way and go home right then! " Just do what I say and come  on! " he ordered. So

I walked with him and said, " Honey, I  am really, really hungry can we please

eat before we go? " Three more steps and  he would have made a scene trying to

go out the door.

But, instead he turned around and we went to the dining  hall. After eating

he felt better, and we kissed good-bye. He walked  back to his room.

could hardly believe it. That was LBD in action. She has no  idea

what went on here at home.

Love a big bunch, and then some more,

Mama

So Cyber family there you have it. He is torn up, I am torn up, but we had 

to take

the help that has so generously been extended to us. I have my hearing aids 

now, and will be able to hear Don. In fact I could when I was there Tuesday. 

That was a real blessing.

I do plan to be with him. If I am not left enough money, then I will join 

him in the nursing home. Let the kids have the house. Thank goodness I'm not 

materialistic.

Love is far more important. And in six weeks I will be 76, so I can do it 

just fine. I have already been there enough to know what the place is  like.

Tomorrow I will see him, and hopefully stay a couple of days. 'Til later 

" gators "

From time to time I will keep you posted. I sure hope this hasn't been too 

long to go in one mailing,

Lift your hearts and do a happy dance in your mind (or for real). And 

certainly I don't want to forget to tell all of you new family members, " HELLO, 

a

big warm welcome from me "

Love a lot, and sing in your heart,

Imogene

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