Guest guest Posted December 15, 2004 Report Share Posted December 15, 2004 Subject: Disorder in the American Courts - laughs from > > > > > court reporters > > > > > > > > > > These are from a book called Disorder in the > > > > > American Courts and are things people actually said in > > > > > court, word for word, taken down and now published by > > > > > court reporters who had the torment of staying calm > > > > > while these exchanges were actually taking place. At > > > > > least read the last one! > > > > > > > > > > Q: Are you sexually active? > > > > > A: No, I just lie there. > > > > > __________________________________ > > > > > Q: What is your date of birth? > > > > > A: July 15 > > > > > Q: What year? > > > > > A: Every year. > > > > > ______________________________________ > > > > > Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the > > > > > impact? > > > > > A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. > > > > > ______________________________________ > > > > > Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? > > > > > A: Yes. > > > > > Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? > > > > > A: I forget. > > > > > Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you have > > > > > forgotten? > > > > > _____________________________________ > > > > > Q: How old is your son, the one living with > > > > > you? > > > > > A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't > > > > > remember which. > > > > > Q: How long has he lived with you? > > > > > A: Forty-five years. > > > > > _____________________________________ > > > > > Q: What was the first thing your husband said > > > > > to you when he woke > > > > > that morning? > > > > > A: He said, " Where am I, ? " > > > > > Q: And why did that upset you? > > > > > A: My name is . > > > > > ______________________________________ > > > > > Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been > > > > > involved in voodoo or > > > > > the occult? > > > > > A: We both do. > > > > > Q: Voodoo? > > > > > A: We do. > > > > > Q: You do? > > > > > A: Yes, voodoo. > > > > > ______________________________________ > > > > > Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person > > > > > dies in his sleep, he doesn't > > > > > know about it until the next morning? > > > > > A: Did you actually pass the bar exam? > > > > > ___________________________________ > > > > > Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how > > > > > old is he? > > > > > _____________________________________ > > > > > Q: Were you present when your picture was > > > > > taken? > > > > > ______________________________________ > > > > > Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was > > > > > August 8? > > > > > A: Yes. > > > > > Q: And what were you doing at that time? > > > > > ______________________________________ > > > > > Q: She had three children, right? > > > > > A: Yes. > > > > > Q: How many were boys? > > > > > A: None. > > > > > Q: Were there any girls? > > > > > ______________________________________ > > > > > Q: How was your first marriage terminated? > > > > > A: By death. > > > > > Q: And by whose death was it terminated? > > > > > ______________________________________ > > > > > Q: Can you describe the individual? > > > > > A: He was about medium height and had a beard. > > > > > Q: Was this a male, or a female? > > > > > ______________________________________ > > > > > Q: Is your appearance here this morning > > > > > pursuant to a deposition > > > > > notice which I sent to your attorney? > > > > > A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. > > > > > ______________________________________ > > > > > Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you > > > > > performed on dead people? > > > > > A: All my autopsies are performed on dead > > > > > people. > > > > > ______________________________________ > > > > > Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What > > > > > school did you go to? > > > > > A: Oral. > > > > > ______________________________________ > > > > > Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the > > > > > body? > > > > > A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. > > > > > Q: And Mr. Pennington was dead at the time? > > > > > A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering > > > > > why I was doing an autopsy. > > > > > ______________________________________ > > > > > Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? > > > > > ______________________________________ > > > > > Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, > > > > > did you check for a pulse? > > > > > A: No. > > > > > Q: Did you check for blood pressure? > > > > > A: No. > > > > > Q: Did you check for breathing? > > > > > A: No. > > > > > Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was > > > > > alive when you began the > > > > > autopsy? > > > > > A: No. > > > > > Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor? > > > > > A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in > > > > > a jar. > > > > > Q: But could the patient have still been alive, > > > > > nevertheless? > > > > > A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been > > > > > alive and practicing > > > > > law somewhere. 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