Breaking News...just in (OT)

[Guest guest]

Press Release: At New York's Kennedy Airport today, an individual later

discovered to be a public school teacher, was arrested trying to board a flight

while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule, and a

calculator.

At a morning press conference, Attorney General Ashcroft said he believes

the man is a member of the notorious al-gebra movement. He is being charged by

the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

" Al-gebra is a fearsome cult, " Ashcroft said. " They desire average solutions by

means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute

value. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as

'unknowns', but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the

axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer

Isosceles used to say, 'there are 3 sides to every triangle'. "

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, " If God had wanted us

to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers

and toes. "

~ " If I could reach up and hold a star for every time you've made me smile, the

entire evening sky would be in the palm of my hand. "