I am new

[Guest guest]

Hi all,

I joined yesterday and have been reading your posts. I am grateful to know

I am not alone in my struggles with pain.

I want to rant, scream and throw things when I have this much pain. It has

been non-stop for nearly a week. It is nearly unbearable; far worse than what I

normally feel. I live in constant pain, that worsens with the weather. It gets

worse when I try to do most anything. Just lying in bed is a luxury my body

will not allow me. Sleep? A few hours here and there. If I move in my sleep,

I am awakened by pain. If I don't move, I cannot get out of bed without help.

I have stopped asking for help to get up. My family treats me with cold

annoyance. They make fun of me if I scream in pain. They act as if I am faking

it. Just once, I'd like them to know what it all feels like.

The only thing I have for pain is DarvocetN 100. I take it maybe once or

twice a month. It does not do much. I am petrified to be on painkillers. I am

a nurse. I am a certified pharmacy tech. as well. I can no longer work at all.

I am on SSDI. In my work, I saw too many people addicted to the strong pain

relievers, but still in pain. I saw so many cases of failed back surgery. I

saw so many caught up in having five and six surgeries that did not work.

My initial injury was done while lifting. L5/S1. I was hospitalized, put

in traction. Even morphine would not relieve the nerve pain I suffered. I

refused back surgery because the traction provided enough relief so I could go

home. I have been hobbled ever since.

Five years ago, I had an MRI. My doc called me in panic over the results.

From T12 on down is herniated, compressed, disintegrated, fused or broken. A

bone fragment at one level is touching my spinal cord. It's been over 20 years

since my original injury.

Even doctors laugh at me when I tell them I cannot walk for exercise. I

have gotten fat from my sedentary lifestyle, steroids and compulsive eating.

Besides my back hurting, I am under some kind of arthritis attack. It jumps

from joint to joint. Right now it's in both wrists, my neck, my left hip, both

knees. It travels at will.

Please share some ESH with me. Any suggestions? I am only 52.

Sue