Re: Lynn - Your Regret

[Guest guest]

Lynn--

I find I must reply to your message which was very wise and loving. You

stated your only regret was not pushing the live donor issue harder with

Mike. I wanted to point out that that might not have made a difference at

all. I had my transplant May 5 and still have to face having

cholangiocarcinoma--it's what my doctor wrote on the orders for my next CT

scan -- " followup on cholangiocarcinoma. " So you see--even if Mike had had

a transplant, whether it was live or not, may not have made a difference at

all. Please don't be too hard on yourself and push that regret out of your

mind, if possible.

It is very hard to live through the liver transplant surgery, the seizures I

had as a result of the medications and the recovery aspect, only to be told

I have cholangiocarcinoma and now having to follow up on that every 6-8 wks

for the next couple of years at least.

You are in my prayers and I hope and I know that God will give you the

strength and endurance to get through this.

Love & Prayers,

Laurie

---- Original Message -----

To: " psc group " <egroups>

Sent: Monday, July 17, 2000 4:36 PM

Subject: Patti

> Patti.....what's ahead for you and Mike isn't necessarily what my Mike and

I

> had to deal with. was very much a fatalist and our family feels

very

> blessed to have had him as long as we did. Every time your thrown a curve

> you have to deal with it. For me the first curve was Vietnam.....Marine,

> DMZ, all those major battles in 67/68 he shouldn't have returned

from....but

> he made it and I have lots of wonderful and yet sad memories...The flight

to

> Hawaii to see him on R & R...all those women who arrived and found out that

> their husbands weren't there...its a moment I can't forget. Saying goodbye

> and flying home alone with many bottles of wine to comfort me. But you

know

> what, he made it though the whole ugly war and we had two additional

> children who learned what it means to have a loving parent with ideals and

> integrity. I have had so many calls from his former students who wanted to

> let me know just how much of an impact he made on their lives. The

funeral

> was overwhelming...the number of people mind boggling.

>

> The point I'm trying to make is that Mike had elevated liver function

tests

> and UC diagnosed in 1969. Only a small portion of the PSC patients will

> every get cholangiocarcinoma. The rest have with each passing day and

public

> awareness a greater possibility for a liver transplant. My only regret was

> that I didn't push the live donor issue harder with Mike. That and time

> could have been a factor. But each of us must cherish what time we do

have.

> It doesn't have to be a terminal disease...it could be stepping off the

curb

> and having someone run a red light....We don't know what each day will

> bring....so if you say nothing and hold hands...that tender touch can say

it

> all.

>

> For me I have to learn what living alone will be like. I'm

> frightened....sad...teary...and mad that my life has changed so

drastically

> and that the man I married 36 years ago is no longer here to protect and

> comfort me. Time and adjustment that's what it takes and with the help of

my

> children I'll make it. So be thankful for what you have and the

experiences

> you will share. Its OK to feel sad and unhappy but its also GREAT to feel

> loved .

>

> Lynn

>

>

>

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