Giggles for today

[Guest guest]

Two doctors and an HMO manager are killed in a train wreck and line up at the

Pearly Gates for admission to heaven. Saint asks them to identify

themselves.

One doctor steps forward and says, " I was a pediatric spine surgeon. I helpled

hundreds of kids overcome their deformities. "

Saint says, " Enter. "

The other doctor says, " I was a psychiatrist. I helped rehabilitate thousands

of people. " Saint nods and invites him into heaven.

The third applicant steps forward and says, " I was an HMO manager. I helped

countless people get cost-effective health care. "

Saint tells him, " You can come in, too. "

As the HMO manager walks by, Saint adds, " But you can only stay for 3

days.... "

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Word definitions:

Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realized

it was your money to start with.

Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

Bozone: The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from

penetrating. The bozone layer, unforunately, shows little sign of breaking down

in the near future.

Cashtration: The act of buying a huse, which renders the subject financially

impotent for an indefinite period. (sounds as if if is rampant in CA)

Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.

Kharmageddon: It's like, when everyone is sending off all these really bad

vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes, and it's like a serious

bummer.

Beelzebug: Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at 3am

and cannot be cast out.

Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at

you rapidly.

Caterpallor: The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you are

eating.

Glibido: All talk and no action.

Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-pained very, very high.

Hippititis: Terminal coolness.

Inoculatte: To take coffee intraveneously when you are running late.

Decafalon: The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things

that are good for you.

Aracholeptic: The frantic dance performed after you have accidently walked

through a spider web.

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A man from Poland goes to the optometrist who shows him a card with the letters

" C Z W X N Q S T A C Z "

" Can you read this: " The optometrist askes.

" Read it? " He replies, " I know the guy! "

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A little history lesson............

From: Poor Rix's Almanac....

Dear Poor Rix:

Back in the 1960's when I was a kid, people used to joke about the " dodo bird. "

Did the bird really exist? " ~ .

Yes, this fow (prounounced " dough-dough " ) actually lived, but it's been extinct

since the 1680's, which makes it officially, sincerely dead.

I't's no wonder the dodo didn't survive. It's wings were too small to fly and

it's legs too short to run. Predators found the bird easier to catch than a

head cold.

The little animal lived on islands in the Indian Ocean. It had a body like a

turkey, a thick beak, and feet and tail feathers sorta like a duck.

On the islands, dodos faced constant threats by hogs and monkeys. Nothing's

worse than being chased by monkeys, especially if they're riding wild, hungry

pigs.

Curious explorers took a specimen to Europe around 1640. Unfortunately, the

other dodos didn't make the trip, and it croaked faster than a chrorus of

bullfrogs.

~~~We can learn three things from the dodo:~~~

1. Birds of a feather flock together. Birds labeled " deceased " get remembered

the least.

2. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. A bird in the museum is worth a

look.

3. If it looks like a turkey and walks like a duck, it might be a dodo....and

that's bad luck.

~ " If I could reach up and hold a star for every time you've made me smile, the

entire evening sky would be in the palm of my hand. "