he should be more intimate with me

[Guest guest]

todd should be more intimate with me

1, yes

and then i'd have what??? not much

2, no

3, i get frustrated, i see him as using me for sex, i feel hurt, i

get pissed off with him when he doesn't make time for me.

i treat him like the enemy, i attack him, i criticize him, i want to

hurt him, i stomp about abit, i try and get him to be intimate with

me without asking him directly so i manipulate him, i get angry and

tell him where he's not intimate

i'm in his business,

i get to avoid the feelings that were coming up for me today.

i get to flake out doing it for myself

i get to blame him and not take responsibility for myself

4, i would see the ways he is intimate with me, i would have noticed

that he wanted me to come and join him playing monop today, i wuld be

in my own world, taking care of me , holding space for my own

feelings, not blaming him, peaceful, letting him be who he is. not

listening to freakin 12 step concepts, noticing he hangs out with me

alot online and sends me hugs.. and tells me he wants to snuggle me

T.A I should be intimate with me

1, i'm not intimate with me when i look to him for intimacy

2, when i'm in his business judging how intimate he is or isn't being

3, yes right now rather than worrying about how he's not

communicating with me or when i say yes when i want to say no

T.A i should be intimate with him

1, yes by saying no when i want to.

2, by asking him to hold space rather than trying to manipulate it

out of him.

3, by asking for what it is i want from him

T.A he shouldn't be more intimate with me

1, because maybe he's not able to be more intimate with me at the

moment

2, than he is hopeless as kt says

3, it's not his job

[Guest guest]

Also maybe your definition of what sex is and isn't.

>

> Nice work Pip,

>

> A few thoughts - get really clear on what your personal definition of

> intimate is - what he should and shouldn't be doing.

>

> Also, the thought " He uses me for sex " stands out, maybe an associated

> belief " He shouldn't use me for sex " .

>

> With love,

>

> Jon

>

[Guest guest]

intimacy is holding space for me when i'm feeling emotional

is telling me whats going on in his life

sharing his feelings with me

talking to me about his problems

wanting to know more about me and my feelings

calling me to tell me he cares

saying loving things to me

telling me he cares

wanting to spend tme with me doing romantic things

holding my hand

(kinda hard on cyber space but i'm being general here)

he should see intimacy the way i do

ok just did i would have more intimacy with him if he told me his

feelings and that was interesting, noticing i'm being spared..

i would have more intimacy with him if i told him my feelings and i

would have more intimacy with me if i told me my feelings

nice

xxpxx

>

> Nice work Pip,

>

> A few thoughts - get really clear on what your personal definition of

> intimate is - what he should and shouldn't be doing.

>

> Also, the thought " He uses me for sex " stands out, maybe an associated

> belief " He shouldn't use me for sex " .

>

> With love,

>

> Jon

>

[Guest guest]

Hi,

I just saw this recently and thought it was clever.

Intimacy = Into me see

This is a nice word play.

It tells me that intimacy is something I offer. It is allowing

another person to see me as I really am. It is allowing myself to

be completely honest, open, authentic etc. It has nothing to do

with doing what they want me to do or being what they want me to be.

I like your turn arounds.

" i would have more intimacy with him if i told him my feelings and i

> would have more intimacy with me if i told me my feelings "

Love,

Helen

> >

> > Nice work Pip,

> >

> > A few thoughts - get really clear on what your personal

definition of

> > intimate is - what he should and shouldn't be doing.

> >

> > Also, the thought " He uses me for sex " stands out, maybe an

associated

> > belief " He shouldn't use me for sex " .

> >

> > With love,

> >

> > Jon

> >

>