Addictions kicking in

[Guest guest]

I NEED A GIRL !!!!!

is that true?

yes.

can you absolutely know this is true?

not absolutely.

how do you react to the thought you need a girl?

sadness, sinking into dreamworld, feeling empty, resisting

ok stop.

my suffering is not caused by the thought i need a girl, i suffer

before that, it's like i have an inner wound, where many things can

press on.

and then comes the thought i need a girl as a theory as to what do i

need to end the suffering.

yea.. that's it.

what is the essence of the wound? i don't know.. all i know is that

when i have approval it doesn't hurt anymore, when i get my fix.. im ok.

also it doesn't hurt when nothing press on it, when there's no girl in

the picture, i see no girls, and i dont think about it (which is very

rare).

but then i go outside.. i will see a cute girl wherever, and there's

the pain again.

what thoughts are going through my head then?

im not good enough

i need to fuck her

everyone get's one but not me

she doesn't need me

she's so beautiful

i need her

if i wont do anything someone else will

everybody knows how to do this but not me

there's something very wrong with me

im nobody to her

she thinks im stalking her

she's afraid of me

but regardless to those thoughts.. what about the desire to want to be

close to her?

it's a sexual energy, i can feel it.. i really need this, i feel like

an addicted person who's going crazy without his fix, i need my drug,

im shaking and behaving weird and scaring of people like a dragged person.

but it's worse then being addicted to drugs, cause with drugs after

awhile you dont get your fix.. you get free from it, but here.. it's

an endless need, i rarely get a fix and the desire only gets bigger.

i cannot find within me a thought that creates this.

and if i dont react this, if im only staying with this feeling, the

addiction, the pain, the hornyness, i can sense it is physical, it is

real sensation.

i know rationally that no girl can feed this, no external source can

feed the hunger, so what is then?

what about excepting things the way they are?

that means excepting the unstoppable hunger and the pain of the wound

and the sexual desire, not trying to solve them, what happens then..

it basicly means to stay in the suffering without resisting it.

it does not guarantee an end to it or a cure, on the contrary, it is a

conscious choice to experience the suffering fully.

oh brother..