The concepts of my business, their business, God's business

[Guest guest]

Just picking up on some recent activity within the group and also on

some inquiry work I've just done regarding " business " , seems a good

time to share my thoughts on the concept of business.

See what you think to it, add your own, do whatever feels right :-)

I've often had major issues with the concept of " business " - prior to

using the work, believing that others should mind their own business

( " mind your own business " was one of my favourite sayings with my

first wife....) and once I started with the work, taking the new found

information I had about business and judging others for being in my

business or other people's business.

In particular, I've had major issues around my mother and believing

that she should mind her own business. In the past I would see her as

a busybody, interfering in other people's business, etc - especially

in mine :-)

I've also had conversations with members of this group where I've felt

absolutely outraged, believing that they should know better and mind

their own business.

Over time, working with these kind of thoughts, I've come to see

(sometimes) how " business " has become a concept in itself that I use

to judge others - a defensive measure I take when I want them to be

different in some way.

As I've continued to work with this, I've seen how my reactions

towards others, especially my mother, have changed - and how I've been

able to talk about certain issues with her without feeling triggered /

stressed about how she is, and to find solutions that work for both of us.

And this is not always true - I still have work to do with this :-)

Look forward to hearing your thoughts, insights, views on " business " .

With thanks,

Jon x

[Guest guest]

i think mothers are the worst for being in --kids business

i know i am.. often.. i think i can help them..

or i screwed them up and so im responsible for them.

for example

suggesting katie books etc.. so far i dont

think my kids have ever read a book i suggested.

i know i also suggest stuff to facy and others but

he asks for advise or i assume he does since

he posts here.

i suppose i feel im an expert on self help since i have

almost every book written..

i know i should ask me.. instead..

At first i thought this post was about work business.

Im in gods business often because i argue with what is..

still and in others as i think somehow i can help them..

guess i should still stick with helping me..

thank youx

roslyn

- In Loving-what-is , " Jon " wrote:

>

> Just picking up on some recent activity within the group and also on

> some inquiry work I've just done regarding " business " , seems a good

> time to share my thoughts on the concept of business.

>

> See what you think to it, add your own, do whatever feels right :-)

>

> I've often had major issues with the concept of " business " - prior to

> using the work, believing that others should mind their own business

> ( " mind your own business " was one of my favourite sayings with my

> first wife....) and once I started with the work, taking the new found

> information I had about business and judging others for being in my

> business or other people's business.

>

> In particular, I've had major issues around my mother and believing

> that she should mind her own business. In the past I would see her as

> a busybody, interfering in other people's business, etc - especially

> in mine :-)

>

> I've also had conversations with members of this group where I've felt

> absolutely outraged, believing that they should know better and mind

> their own business.

>

> Over time, working with these kind of thoughts, I've come to see

> (sometimes) how " business " has become a concept in itself that I use

> to judge others - a defensive measure I take when I want them to be

> different in some way.

>

> As I've continued to work with this, I've seen how my reactions

> towards others, especially my mother, have changed - and how I've been

> able to talk about certain issues with her without feeling triggered /

> stressed about how she is, and to find solutions that work for both

of us.

>

> And this is not always true - I still have work to do with this :-)

>

> Look forward to hearing your thoughts, insights, views on " business " .

>

> With thanks,

>

> Jon x

>

[Guest guest]

> >

> > Look forward to hearing your thoughts, insights, views

on " business " .

> >

> > With thanks,

> >

> > Jon x

If I am reading correctly, what you sound like you're saying is that

you reached the conclusion that telling people to mind their own

business is *us* minding their business.

Or . . " People should mind their own businesss. "

Is that true . . . when they don't?

Whose business am I in when I think the thought that " people should

mind their own business? "

Like that?

What else have you found? Wonder what else I will find, too.

Thanks!

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I'm wary of making up prescriptive rules like " if I tell someone to

mind their own business then I am in their business " - for me, it's

more the stress (or absence of stress) I am feeling at the time.

It does seem possible to request/tell someone to mind their own

business and also realize it's not their job right now - and it might

change.

And yes to being in someone else's business if I believe they should

mind their business :-)

With thanks,

Jon

[Guest guest]

Some more on business:

I also notice I can be in the past or future's business - for example,

if I believe someone shouldn't have done something, I'm in their

business and in the past's business, or when I felt nervous about

Obama winning the Presidential race, my mind was in the future's

business as well as other people's business.

Jon

[Guest guest]

when you tell someone what to do you are in that person's business. period. ask

.

Vivian

Re: The concepts of my business, their business,

God's business

Hi ,

I'm wary of making up prescriptive rules like " if I tell someone to

mind their own business then I am in their business " - for me, it's

more the stress (or absence of stress) I am feeling at the time.

It does seem possible to request/tell someone to mind their own

business and also realize it's not their job right now - and it might

change.

And yes to being in someone else's business if I believe they should

mind their business :-)

With thanks,

Jon

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6:16 PM

[Guest guest]

I don't agree Vivian - this seems like a very definite, fixed point of

view :-)

Being in someone's business is a stress-based thing for me, not about

whether I say something or not.

For example, if I'm the passenger in a car and tell the driver to turn

left, or if my nephew is about to touch the radiator and I tell him

not to.

If I feel stress in these kind of situations, that's the clue for me

that I'm in their business. If I don't, they're simply doing what

they do and I'm simply doing what I do.

The words might be the same, but the energy/impact of it will be

different.

With thanks,

Jon x

[Guest guest]

So I'm noticing that my response to Vivian seemed to be a very

definite, fixed point of view :-)

Thinking about this some more - maybe it's entirely possible to be in

someone's business (or appear to be) and actually just be in the

moment - saying " do this " or " do that " - unattached to the future outcome.

Jon

>

> I don't agree Vivian - this seems like a very definite, fixed point of

> view :-)

>

> Being in someone's business is a stress-based thing for me, not about

> whether I say something or not.

>

> For example, if I'm the passenger in a car and tell the driver to turn

> left, or if my nephew is about to touch the radiator and I tell him

> not to.

>

> If I feel stress in these kind of situations, that's the clue for me

> that I'm in their business. If I don't, they're simply doing what

> they do and I'm simply doing what I do.

>

> The words might be the same, but the energy/impact of it will be

> different.

>

> With thanks,

>

> Jon x

>

[Guest guest]

What if your words bring stress to the other person but not to you? Are you then

in their business? If you tell me to turn left but I can get to the same place

by going straight ahead you might not find it stressful but I may and if I'm

driving you are in my business.

The nephew example is totally different.

Vivian

Re: The concepts of my business, their business,

God's business

I don't agree Vivian - this seems like a very definite, fixed point of

view :-)

Being in someone's business is a stress-based thing for me, not about

whether I say something or not.

For example, if I'm the passenger in a car and tell the driver to turn

left, or if my nephew is about to touch the radiator and I tell him

not to.

If I feel stress in these kind of situations, that's the clue for me

that I'm in their business. If I don't, they're simply doing what

they do and I'm simply doing what I do.

The words might be the same, but the energy/impact of it will be

different.

With thanks,

Jon x

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6:16 PM

[Guest guest]

Hi Vivian,

If someone else finds what I say or do stressful, that's their

business, not mine - and if they say something about it, I try to hear

what they are saying - but that doesn't mean I'm in their business

simply by saying something.

I don't see either example as different, they're both just examples of

what can be said or done at times - and ultimately, both can be said

from a stressful place, believing stressful thought, and both can be

said from a non-stressful place.

How it lands with someone else is their beliefs in action - and I do

have to work with their response, but that's not the same as being in

their business.

If you believe I'm in your business, that's your business, not mine :-)

And I'm open to finding out otherwise.

With thanks,

Jon

[Guest guest]

I've been down this road before and what you say is all well and good. However,

if a person says something that is likely to bring about a negative and

stressful reaction in someone and if you are a kind person, it is best not to

make that statement or do that action, even if it is about the other person.

As an extreme example, in talking to a Jew if someone says, " Hitler didn't go

far enough. Too bad he didn't succeed completely. "

You can argue that the other person's reaction is their own business and not

that of the speaker. But I'd say, if you are a kind person you don't make an

inflammatory statement like that.

Of course I'm taking it to the nth degree.

Vivian

Re: The concepts of my business, their business,

God's business

Hi Vivian,

If someone else finds what I say or do stressful, that's their

business, not mine - and if they say something about it, I try to hear

what they are saying - but that doesn't mean I'm in their business

simply by saying something.

I don't see either example as different, they're both just examples of

what can be said or done at times - and ultimately, both can be said

from a stressful place, believing stressful thought, and both can be

said from a non-stressful place.

How it lands with someone else is their beliefs in action - and I do

have to work with their response, but that's not the same as being in

their business.

If you believe I'm in your business, that's your business, not mine :-)

And I'm open to finding out otherwise.

With thanks,

Jon

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9:59 AM

[Guest guest]

I agree Vivian. Over the years I have watched as simple good manners and common

human kindness and courtesy have gone the way of the dodo bird. It does not hurt

anyone to be kind and polite. It might actually help:)

Jane

Subject: Re: Re: The concepts of my business, their business,

God's business

To: Loving-what-is

Date: Tuesday, December 9, 2008, 1:18 PM

I've been down this road before and what you say is all well and good. However,

if a person says something that is likely to bring about a negative and

stressful reaction in someone and if you are a kind person, it is best not to

make that statement or do that action, even if it is about the other person.

As an extreme example, in talking to a Jew if someone says, " Hitler didn't go

far enough. Too bad he didn't succeed completely. "

You can argue that the other person's reaction is their own business and not

that of the speaker. But I'd say, if you are a kind person you don't make an

inflammatory statement like that.

Of course I'm taking it to the nth degree.

Vivian

[Loving-what- is] Re: The concepts of my business, their business,

God's business

Hi Vivian,

If someone else finds what I say or do stressful, that's their

business, not mine - and if they say something about it, I try to hear

what they are saying - but that doesn't mean I'm in their business

simply by saying something.

I don't see either example as different, they're both just examples of

what can be said or done at times - and ultimately, both can be said

from a stressful place, believing stressful thought, and both can be

said from a non-stressful place.

How it lands with someone else is their beliefs in action - and I do

have to work with their response, but that's not the same as being in

their business.

If you believe I'm in your business, that's your business, not mine :-)

And I'm open to finding out otherwise.

With thanks,

Jon

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AM

[Guest guest]

Vivian,

I agree Vivian - for me, noticing who's business I am in and kindness

go hand in hand.

If I'm believing people should be different in some way, or that

something different should have happened, my words and actions come

from that stressful place. As in your example.

As I notice who's business I am in, inquire and return to sanity, the

need to hit out, be unkind, etc falls away. Kindness in action. No

need to prove or defend my " self " .

Of course, others may not view what I then say or do as kind - that's

their business, their path, etc. All I can do is check it out and do

my best. Even seems to have quite a few people that don't see

her as kind (to say the least).

Even " kindness " is a concept that can be inquired into if/when I don't

feel that people are being kind to me.

With thanks,

Jon

[Guest guest]

why were you worried about obama being the president?

just curious..

I cant think of one reason.. but i have heard some

think hes the anti christ.

or moslem or will help africa and not the US

All so totally weird.. rh

>

> Some more on business:

>

> I also notice I can be in the past or future's business - for example,

> if I believe someone shouldn't have done something, I'm in their

> business and in the past's business, or when I felt nervous about

> Obama winning the Presidential race, my mind was in the future's

> business as well as other people's business.

>

> Jon

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Jon,

Glad to know we've worked this topic to the point where we are in agreement on

at least this part of it.

I was taken with your statement, " Even kindness is a statement that can be

inquired into... "

I believe that many people mistake being " nice " for being " kind " . Sometimes I

feel that that is what is occurring on this board. People are so busy being nice

to each other or polite and understanding that they really aren't being honest

or being helpful. at least that's my take on some of the responses. Of course

others would probably see it otherwise.

Vivian

Re: The concepts of my business, their business,

God's business

Vivian,

I agree Vivian - for me, noticing who's business I am in and kindness

go hand in hand.

If I'm believing people should be different in some way, or that

something different should have happened, my words and actions come

from that stressful place. As in your example.

As I notice who's business I am in, inquire and return to sanity, the

need to hit out, be unkind, etc falls away. Kindness in action. No

need to prove or defend my " self " .

Of course, others may not view what I then say or do as kind - that's

their business, their path, etc. All I can do is check it out and do

my best. Even seems to have quite a few people that don't see

her as kind (to say the least).

Even " kindness " is a concept that can be inquired into if/when I don't

feel that people are being kind to me.

With thanks,

Jon

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9:59 AM