Re: How outward should I direct BK?

[Guest guest]

What Mom does affects my feelings.

I am ____ at Mom because what she does affects my feelings.

I am _____ at my thought about Mom because they make me feel anxious.

Mom makes me feel anxious.

I am ____ at Mom because what she does makes me feel anxious.

Mom should not make me feel anxious.

The thought of Mom should not make me feel anxious.Mom should always feel good

to be around.

Is that true?

ne

Subject: How outward should I direct BK?

To: Loving-what-is

Date: Wednesday, July 27, 2011, 9:32 AM

 

I have been advised after doing the work on myself that it's best to do it

on other people. I knew this anyway, so I will try and direct BK more

outwardly.

Is it ok to do BK on how other people make you feel. So if I am affected by my

mom's feelings alot, I can do it on that?

I am also very affected by my sister. But I don't have any should's about

either of them. It's more I want to stop feeling anxious around my mom or I

don't want my sister to visit.

Any advise is welcome...

[Guest guest]

it's very very helpful to point outward. statements such as My mother should or

my mother makes me angry when she or my mother makes me feel. I want my mother

to.........

of course sister can be substituted in any of the above.

also, instead of general feelings about mother or sister you might focus on a

specific incident and how you felt at the time because of your mother or

sister's actions. see the worksheet and use it to apply to a specific incident.

that would be my best advice.

Vivian

How outward should I direct BK?

I have been advised after doing the work on myself that it's best to do it on

other people. I knew this anyway, so I will try and direct BK more outwardly.

Is it ok to do BK on how other people make you feel. So if I am affected by my

mom's feelings alot, I can do it on that?

I am also very affected by my sister. But I don't have any should's about

either of them. It's more I want to stop feeling anxious around my mom or I

don't want my sister to visit.

Any advise is welcome...

[Guest guest]

Hi Vivian,

I have been working on this too. For me it is important to go ahead and be

childish and unreasonable about the situation and them. I already know it is not

about them but it feels like it is.

" I am so affected by my Mom. "

I am distressed with Mom because I am so affected her.

I just write the rest as if it is her fault. What unreasonable things should she

do/be? These are the things that I am unwilling to admit to myself that I want

or think. Some times I write a JYN from a let her rip place, and something

shifts just in the writing. Then I go ahead with inquiry or write another from

there, usually I can get more specific about what it really is that I need in

that situation.

Mom should always be a relief to be around.

Mom should always be nice.

Mom should always know the right thing to say to make me feel better.

Mom should always be loving.

Mom is a pain in the butt. (because really I am kind of angry about this)

I need Mom to be completely safe.I need Mom to take a breath, smile and be

present.I need Mom to be surprisingly helpful.I need Mom to tell me she loves

me.

I can go to town with this.

(This group is such good practice for me. Getting the wording right, getting

clear on what I want.)

Thank you

Does that help?

Mom should smile and be happy.Mom sho

Subject: Re: How outward should I direct BK?

To: Loving-what-is

Date: Friday, January 27, 2012, 11:48 PM

 

it's very very helpful to point outward. statements such as My mother

should or my mother makes me angry when she or my mother makes me feel. I want

my mother to.........

of course sister can be substituted in any of the above.

also, instead of general feelings about mother or sister you might focus on a

specific incident and how you felt at the time because of your mother or

sister's actions. see the worksheet and use it to apply to a specific incident.

that would be my best advice.

Vivian

How outward should I direct BK?

I have been advised after doing the work on myself that it's best to do it on

other people. I knew this anyway, so I will try and direct BK more outwardly.

Is it ok to do BK on how other people make you feel. So if I am affected by my

mom's feelings alot, I can do it on that?

I am also very affected by my sister. But I don't have any should's about either

of them. It's more I want to stop feeling anxious around my mom or I don't want

my sister to visit.

Any advise is welcome...

[Guest guest]

These are really good. except for I am so affected which points inward, the

others point out and that's good. I can hear laughing at some of them and

saying: " On what planet............ "

I think she would want you to give examples. The best one might me " Mom is a

pain in the butt. " What's your proof of this or give examples of times she has

been a pain in the butt. And then examine those and think how your life would be

without the thought Mom is a pain in the butt. How would you behave differently

toward her without that thought?

She should always be nice. Is that true? Is it really true? ALWAYS is a charged

word. Turn it around. I should always be nice. I should always be nice,

especially to my mom. How does that feel? You can do the turnaround with many of

the ones on the list.

Actually I think you are providing a prescription for how you think a life

should be lived: always be nice, don't be a pain in the butt, be a relief, say

the right thing, be loving.

If that's how you believe a person should live, then you do it. You can't

control her, but you can yourself live a life authentically, the way you believe

it should be lived.

Vivian

How outward should I direct BK?

I have been advised after doing the work on myself that it's best to do it on

other people. I knew this anyway, so I will try and direct BK more outwardly.

Is it ok to do BK on how other people make you feel. So if I am affected by my

mom's feelings alot, I can do it on that?

I am also very affected by my sister. But I don't have any should's about

either of them. It's more I want to stop feeling anxious around my mom or I

don't want my sister to visit.

Any advise is welcome...