A Message From the Midwest. Hope you enjoy this! (ot)

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A Message from the Midwest

Hope you enjoy this!

A message from the rural Midwest:

Because of misunderstandings that frequently develops when Easterners and

Californians cross states such as Illinois, Ohio, Indiana, Wisconsin, Nebraska,

Wyoming, Kansas, Iowa, Michigan, Missouri, Minnesota, North Dakota, and South

Dakota, those states' Tourism Councils have adopted a set f information

guidelines. In an effort to help outsiders understand the Midwest, the following

list will be handed to each driver entering the state:

1. That farm boy standing next to the feed bin did more work before

breakfast than you do all week at the gym.

2. It's called a 'gravel road' No matter how slow you drive, you're going

to get dust on your car.

3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. Yeah,

we saw Bambi. We got over it.

4. Any references to " corn fed " when talking about our women will get you

whipped... by our women.

5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a

flathead catfish breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little

trout you fish for...bait.

6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their

final approach, we will shoot it! You might hope you don't have it up to your

ear at the time.

8. That's right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for what you

paid in the airport for one drink.

9. No, there's no " Vegetarian Special " on the menu. Order steak. Order it

rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and

turkey.

10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over

ice.

11. So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car you drive on weekends. We're

real impressed. We have a quarter of a million dollar combine that we use two

weeks a year.

12. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when

it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.

13. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks--because they want to . So,

you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.

14. Yeah, we eat catfish. Carp, too--and turtle. You really want sushi and

caviar? It's available at the bait shop.

15. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like

it? Interstates 70, 80, & 90 go two ways- east and west - Interstates 29, 35, &

69 go north and south.

Pick one and use it accordingly.

16. The " Opener " refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious

holiday. You can get breakfast at the church.

17. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly.

Understand the concept?

18. Yeah, we have golf courses. Just don't hit in the water hazard. It

spooks our fish.

19. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving like

an idiot...his name is " Sir " ...no matter how old he is.

Now, enjoy your visit!

~ " If I could reach up and hold a star for every time you've made me smile, the

entire evening sky would be in the palm of my hand. "