Re: To Jennie (OT)

September 28, 2004

My sister and I pretty much felt the same way when our step-dad moved

in. We were happy for our mom, but hated having our lives changed by

the whole situation.

I know his daughters (my three step-sister) resent the close

relationsihp we have with their dad. But they don't do anything to

try and have a close relationship with him themselves. Plus some

comments two of them made to my mom once indicated they were

resentful because they felt he supported us financially when he

didn't give them much money at all (at this point they were all grown

and out of the house). My step-father never gave us any money, my

mom always supported us and when we were on our own, we were on our

own. They don't get that because their mom and her husband always

give them money. They also had no idea, even years after my mom and

their dad married, that our father was dead. Hopefully after

learning that they can understand why we grew to see their dad as our

own dad. But I probably will never know that since we all live so

far apart and they never agree to all get together as a family.

Jennie

--- In , " lisaplumeria " <lisamolino@h...>

wrote:

> Jennie,

> I am so glad that you drifted off topic! Wow, what a bunch of

> complex emotions that you must have felt as a child...regarding

your

> mom and her care. You wrote that you were worried about leaving

but

> then I can hear about how hard it was to have someone new in the

> house. I feel alot of that with my 17 year old. Maybe this is

some

> of what she is dealing with? Did the other kids feel the same way

> that you did or...

>

> I loved your letter - you have a gift for writing that is extremely

> expressive.

> in AZ

>

> --- In , " Jennie G " <xponder70@y...>

wrote:

> > I was in my last year of high school when my step dad moved in.

I

> > was almost out of the house but my sister had a few years to go.

> We

> > grew up being just the girls, and we had a hard time coping with

> > having someone else in the house. It seems silly now, but our

> > biggest complaint was that now we had to close the bathroom

door.

> > But we were both afraid that with my mom's RA, one of us was

going

> > to end up *not* being able to move out and we were grateful she

had

> > someone to help her. Then over time we grew to love him. I

never

> > thought that after I was grown I would still need a father, I

> > managed without one as a child. But I wouldn't trade him for

> > anything now. I've only met my step sisters a couple times, they

> > lived in another state and never visited much.

> >

> > I tried going to college after I graduate high school and it was

a

> > disaster. I was simply not ready emotionally to handle being on

my

> > own. I made it less than a semester and the only class I was

going

> > to pass was " death and dying. " I swear that was a class. I

worked

> > a variety of jobs for the next few years until one day I was

doing

> > something at work and mentioned to my mom that I kind of liked

it.

> > She said it was " accounting " and it was a profession. I went to

> > community college and took some classes and from there went to a

> > four year school.

> >

> > I also had total looser boyfriends back then. I just could not

> make

> > the right choice, but I am just now at age 34 figuring out why.

A

> > lot of it has to do with my father's rejection of me and another

> > part of it has to do with my relationship with my mother.

Therapy

> > is the only thing that has helped me figure myself out over the

> > years.

> >

> > Ok - I've drifted off topic and I'm going to go note that in the

> > subject line

> >

> > Jennie

> >

September 28, 2004