Re: I am not happy if you are not happy

[Guest guest]

Hello " stlmagnolaz " ,

Welcome to the group and thanks for posting your inquiry.

This looks pretty good to me - and you are the only one that can know

if it's helped or not.

Other thoughts/beliefs that may ring true and could be inquired into are:

Your subject line - I am not happy if you are not happy

I can make others happy

I can make others feel better

I can make others unhappy

I can make others feel worse

My job as a wife is to ..... (fill in and see what you discover)

With thanks,

Jon

[Guest guest]

Hello,

I remember when my husband would tell me how he was feeling and I had

thoughts come to me like ~

He hates me.

He's going to leave me.

He's going to leave me for another woman.

He expects me to fix this problem at work.

Without my husband working, my babies will starve.

My mind would take a nose dive into the toilet of poop, guilt, and

misery and my sweet husband was just telling me that he had a rotten

day at work.

I can find the turnaround for myself in this situation which is

" I expected my husband to make ME happy....by being a " happy and

content " person and never telling me about the bad stuff that happens

to him. "

Glad you are here to share...it really helped me to see my own stuff

today.

Love, nne

>

> Hello,

> New here but been reading every day and doing the work. I " seem " to

be more content

> but still have a lot of nagging low feelings so maybe I don't really

get to the center of my

> thoughts. Wanted to run this by and see if anyone can find more for

me to work on and

> if others relate.

>

> Thought:

> I should be doing something to make you feel better.

> True?

> feels like it because I am your wife, is my job? I have always tried

to for 20 some years, I

> can't be happy if you are not, I feel guilty if I feel ok but you

don't, I should be able to

> fix things

> Can I know it is true that I should be doing something to make you

feel better? No

>

> How do I feel when I have this thought? I am anxious, I can't focus,

I can't sleep, I feel

> helpless, I feel guilty. I feel you expect me to make you feel

better or fix the situation.

>

> Who would I be or how would I be without this thought and I am on

the phone with you

> or I am in the now? Maybe I could be a good listener, I would really

" hear " what you are

> saying, or maybe I wouldn't be talking with you as you need your

space?, I would be

> available for my kids, house what I am doing right now. I would be

in my business not

> yours.

>

> Turn around:

> I shouldn't be doing something to make you feel better...most true

because I would be in

> his business? and how do I know I could make him feel better, I

can't know what is in his

> mind. It could be a lose lose situation, I might make him feel bad

if I " fix " things and

> then he resents me for being in his biz.

>

> I should be doing something to make me feel better..true..if I am in

my business and

> " working " on me I will be in a better place for him when he does

want to talk and I will

> be more loving and peaceful for me and in turn others.

>

> I shouldn't be doing something to make me feel better..I should just

be in the moment

> and quit trying so hard.

>

> WHAT DO YOU THINK?

> THANX AND I AM SO GRATEFUL TO HAVE FOUND THIS GROUP:)))

>

[Guest guest]

great work.. im glad you found this group too..

the opposite sometimes comes up too " you should

make me happy. "

Lincoln said people are happy who make up their

minds to be happy..

i suppose they dont argue with what is.. rh

-

-- In Loving-what-is , " stlmagnolaz "

wrote:

>

> Hello,

> New here but been reading every day and doing the work. I " seem " to

be more content

> but still have a lot of nagging low feelings so maybe I don't really

get to the center of my

> thoughts. Wanted to run this by and see if anyone can find more for

me to work on and

> if others relate.

>

> Thought:

> I should be doing something to make you feel better.

> True?

> feels like it because I am your wife, is my job? I have always tried

to for 20 some years, I

> can't be happy if you are not, I feel guilty if I feel ok but you

don't, I should be able to

> fix things

> Can I know it is true that I should be doing something to make you

feel better? No

>

> How do I feel when I have this thought? I am anxious, I can't focus,

I can't sleep, I feel

> helpless, I feel guilty. I feel you expect me to make you feel

better or fix the situation.

>

> Who would I be or how would I be without this thought and I am on

the phone with you

> or I am in the now? Maybe I could be a good listener, I would really

" hear " what you are

> saying, or maybe I wouldn't be talking with you as you need your

space?, I would be

> available for my kids, house what I am doing right now. I would be

in my business not

> yours.

>

> Turn around:

> I shouldn't be doing something to make you feel better...most true

because I would be in

> his business? and how do I know I could make him feel better, I

can't know what is in his

> mind. It could be a lose lose situation, I might make him feel bad

if I " fix " things and

> then he resents me for being in his biz.

>

> I should be doing something to make me feel better..true..if I am in

my business and

> " working " on me I will be in a better place for him when he does

want to talk and I will

> be more loving and peaceful for me and in turn others.

>

> I shouldn't be doing something to make me feel better..I should just

be in the moment

> and quit trying so hard.

>

> WHAT DO YOU THINK?

> THANX AND I AM SO GRATEFUL TO HAVE FOUND THIS GROUP:)))

>

[Guest guest]

Wow! Thanx you all. I see I have a lot more to work on and the statement from

nne

and mrcitrus6 " you should make me happy " & " I expected my husband to make ME

happy....by being a " happy and

content " person and never telling me about the bad stuff that happens

to him. "

really hit home...it is baffling that I didn't see it when I was doing the work.

I think 20

some years ago I marriend him to take me away...make me happy..prince...etc...so

maybe

that has always been in the background..

Thanx again!

> >

> > Hello,

> > New here but been reading every day and doing the work. I " seem " to

> be more content

> > but still have a lot of nagging low feelings so maybe I don't really

> get to the center of my

> > thoughts. Wanted to run this by and see if anyone can find more for

> me to work on and

> > if others relate.

> >

> > Thought:

> > I should be doing something to make you feel better.

> > True?

> > feels like it because I am your wife, is my job? I have always tried

> to for 20 some years, I

> > can't be happy if you are not, I feel guilty if I feel ok but you

> don't, I should be able to

> > fix things

> > Can I know it is true that I should be doing something to make you

> feel better? No

> >

> > How do I feel when I have this thought? I am anxious, I can't focus,

> I can't sleep, I feel

> > helpless, I feel guilty. I feel you expect me to make you feel

> better or fix the situation.

> >

> > Who would I be or how would I be without this thought and I am on

> the phone with you

> > or I am in the now? Maybe I could be a good listener, I would really

> " hear " what you are

> > saying, or maybe I wouldn't be talking with you as you need your

> space?, I would be

> > available for my kids, house what I am doing right now. I would be

> in my business not

> > yours.

> >

> > Turn around:

> > I shouldn't be doing something to make you feel better...most true

> because I would be in

> > his business? and how do I know I could make him feel better, I

> can't know what is in his

> > mind. It could be a lose lose situation, I might make him feel bad

> if I " fix " things and

> > then he resents me for being in his biz.

> >

> > I should be doing something to make me feel better..true..if I am in

> my business and

> > " working " on me I will be in a better place for him when he does

> want to talk and I will

> > be more loving and peaceful for me and in turn others.

> >

> > I shouldn't be doing something to make me feel better..I should just

> be in the moment

> > and quit trying so hard.

> >

> > WHAT DO YOU THINK?

> > THANX AND I AM SO GRATEFUL TO HAVE FOUND THIS GROUP:)))

> >

>