I am not happy if you are not happy

[Guest guest]

Hello,

New here but been reading every day and doing the work. I " seem " to be more

content

but still have a lot of nagging low feelings so maybe I don't really get to the

center of my

thoughts. Wanted to run this by and see if anyone can find more for me to work

on and

if others relate.

Thought:

I should be doing something to make you feel better.

True?

feels like it because I am your wife, is my job? I have always tried to for 20

some years, I

can't be happy if you are not, I feel guilty if I feel ok but you don't, I

should be able to

fix things

Can I know it is true that I should be doing something to make you feel better?

No

How do I feel when I have this thought? I am anxious, I can't focus, I can't

sleep, I feel

helpless, I feel guilty. I feel you expect me to make you feel better or fix the

situation.

Who would I be or how would I be without this thought and I am on the phone with

you

or I am in the now? Maybe I could be a good listener, I would really " hear " what

you are

saying, or maybe I wouldn't be talking with you as you need your space?, I would

be

available for my kids, house what I am doing right now. I would be in my

business not

yours.

Turn around:

I shouldn't be doing something to make you feel better...most true because I

would be in

his business? and how do I know I could make him feel better, I can't know what

is in his

mind. It could be a lose lose situation, I might make him feel bad if I " fix "

things and

then he resents me for being in his biz.

I should be doing something to make me feel better..true..if I am in my business

and

" working " on me I will be in a better place for him when he does want to talk

and I will

be more loving and peaceful for me and in turn others.

I shouldn't be doing something to make me feel better..I should just be in the

moment

and quit trying so hard.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

THANX AND I AM SO GRATEFUL TO HAVE FOUND THIS GROUP:)))