Re: he'll love me if i have sex with him ~ more john work

[Guest guest]

thanks for this pip ~ it's been a big one for me too.

my mind just went to ~ they love us or they don't.  no matter what we do, they

love us or they don't. or maybe more accurately they want to spend time with

us,, show us affection or they move on and do those things with someone else. 

reminding myself that someone's reaction to me is about them and their story

somehow frees me up a bit while i inquire into these thoughts.  know that no

matter WHAT i DO...whether they love me or not has NOTHING to do with what i've

done or not done.

soooooo:

i drank too much and that means that:

- Joan will think I am pathetic

- was embarassed by me

ok i could do the work on those.  but how about the thought that 'i drank too

much'?  hmm.  it seems like this is what is troubling me, like if i hadnt done

that then i would still have their LAA ~ so i guess underneath it is needing the

LAA of these people.  if i had drank the exact same amount and had been with

other people who found my behaviour adorable and charming, i probably wouldn't

have any problem with the amount that i drank.  ok i'll give one of these a go:

is embarassed to be involved with me

is it true?  yes

how do i react when i attach to this thought?

wow.  i look around and see all the things about my life that i am embarassed

by.  i look around and see what is 'lacking'...i look around and find evidence. 

i still see many areas of my life as 'failures' and cause for embarassment. i

see myself as lacking, not being good enuf, not educated enuf, not smart enuf,

not .......on and on.  in my mnd i want to run, to not be involved with him

because of what beliefs it brings up.  i think about ending the relationship,

not seeing him again so that i can avoid these feelings and thoughts.  i see

john and his family as critical and judgemental, shallow and unkind.

who would i be without this thought?

i hardly can imagine this.  but one place i go is that i could see the effects

of drinking a certain amount of alcohol and notice that it seems to seperate me

from myself (my own internal) and others..it puts me in a place where i am not

really interacting with those around me, i'm in my own seperate place and can't

relate or connect authentically with those around me.  i would see this without

shame, just notice why it doesnt feeel good to drink what i consider to be too

much, the amount that cuts me off from those around me, the people that i love

and care about.  this is important because i notice this so much more clearly

when the people around me are not drinking..like john and his mother.  so

without the thought of whether or not i embarassed john, i could see more

clearly what it was about that night that is bothering me, and just learn from

it.  esp around my drinking.. and need for approval from john and his famly. 

without the thought i

would be out of their business and back here taking care of my own business. 

it has been retched to be caught inall of these thoughts since christmas day.  i

have not been able to be present here in my own life with my daugter.  without

the thought i am here seeing hwat needs to be done, thinking about my own life

and what is the next thing to do to take care of myself.

T.A.  I did not embarass .  or is not embarassed to be involved with

me.

ok.  just as true , sometimes.  i can think of examples of many times that he

has included me, spoken highly of me, seemed proud to have me in his life. 

specifically on christmas, he wasnt too embarassed to call and invite me and

during the evenng there were times that he was happy and laughing and seemed to

be enjoying himself.

I embarass myself : much truer.  I dont live up to my own expectations and beat

myself up for it. 

I am embarassed to be involved with me.  hhmm.  seems that way sometimes.  i

dont like to seem self-involved, i go out into other people's business and avoid

taking care of my own.

I am embarassed to be involved with \.  just as true sometimes.  i think of

how we don't seem compatible in so many ways.  i think of the things that we

dont do together, of the areas of our lives that have not come together and i am

embarassed to be so caught up something that may not be what i imagined it to

be.

i feel that i am still scattered with this..more work to do.  any comments or

reactions welcome.

Subject: he'll love me if i have sex with him

To: Loving-what-is

Received: Friday, December 26, 2008, 9:19 PM

he'll love me if i have sex with him

1, no

3, i try and get him to love me by having sex, i use sex to control

him, i use sex to try and get him to want me, i use sex to manipulate

him and try and feel good about myself,

I treat him as an object to be owned, i don't really care about him

just thinking about what he can give me, i don't care about what he

wants, too busy trying to get what i want by using my body.

i become his yes woman, i say yes even when i'm not turned on,

because i'm so desperate to get him to love me.

i put all my wants on the shelf, i don't say no, i sell myself out, i

become the love godess.

i get to believe i can manipulate love from him and no it's never

worked in the past. i get to believe if i twist myslf into a pretzel

that in some way he'll love me.

4, i can't say who i'd be without this thought, i can't say that i

wouldn't want to have sex with him but maybe i'd be doing it more

because i want to rather than because i want to get something from

him, and i'd also have the opportinity to say No that doesn't feel

right right now so i'd be more in the moment, asking myself if it

felt right for me rather than feeling desperate.

So less desperate, needy, less wanting to please him, maybe being

really open about what we might be entering into.

i wouldn't be projecting that he just wants me for sex because i

wouldn't be using my sexuality to try and get something from him.

Maybe we would just have a beautiful friendship.

T.A he won't love me if i have sex with him.

1, no it certainly hasn't made him any closer

2, he still dumped me even though we had great sex

3, maybe he will just think i'm easy and a bit stupid if i have sex

with him

T.A I won't love me if i have sex with him

1, no not when i'm doing it to try and win his love

2, i don't love me and i get suspicious of him as well because i

think he just wants to fuck me

3, no i don't love or like myself because i'm selling myself out for

L.A.A

T.A I will love me if I have sex with me

1, yes if i turn all that energy i keep putting out there on him and

focus it on me then I think I might just love myself

2, I can learn to pleasure myself without needing a man to do it and

i mean pleasure in more than one way.

3, i'll love me if i have sex with me by just really loving myself up

and not looking for an outside source.

T.A I won't love me if i have sex with me

1, yes when i use sex or mastibation to move away from my feelings i

don't like me

2, when i use mastabation as a way or avoiding my mind.

T.A i will loove me if i have sex with him

1, if i just have sex with him, accepting him for who he is and have

no expectation of him loving me.

2, if i'm completely crazy about myself and have sex with him then it

wouldn't matter what he thought and then i wonder if i'd want to have

sex with him or not anyway.

Ok i'D love feedback or any other turnarounds or just insights into

where other peoples minds go with these turnarounds

blessings

pipxx

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[Guest guest]

catherine,

good work,

if i can help in any way, let me know, this is my work too.

xxpipxx

>

> Subject: he'll love me if i have sex with him

> To: Loving-what-is

> Received: Friday, December 26, 2008, 9:19 PM

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> he'll love me if i have sex with him

>

>

>

> 1, no

>

>

>

> 3, i try and get him to love me by having sex, i use sex to control

>

> him, i use sex to try and get him to want me, i use sex to manipulate

>

> him and try and feel good about myself,

>

> I treat him as an object to be owned, i don't really care about him

>

> just thinking about what he can give me, i don't care about what he

>

> wants, too busy trying to get what i want by using my body.

>

> i become his yes woman, i say yes even when i'm not turned on,

>

> because i'm so desperate to get him to love me.

>

> i put all my wants on the shelf, i don't say no, i sell myself out, i

>

> become the love godess.

>

> i get to believe i can manipulate love from him and no it's never

>

> worked in the past. i get to believe if i twist myslf into a pretzel

>

> that in some way he'll love me.

>

>

>

> 4, i can't say who i'd be without this thought, i can't say that i

>

> wouldn't want to have sex with him but maybe i'd be doing it more

>

> because i want to rather than because i want to get something from

>

> him, and i'd also have the opportinity to say No that doesn't feel

>

> right right now so i'd be more in the moment, asking myself if it

>

> felt right for me rather than feeling desperate.

>

> So less desperate, needy, less wanting to please him, maybe being

>

> really open about what we might be entering into.

>

> i wouldn't be projecting that he just wants me for sex because i

>

> wouldn't be using my sexuality to try and get something from him.

>

> Maybe we would just have a beautiful friendship.

>

>

>

> T.A he won't love me if i have sex with him.

>

> 1, no it certainly hasn't made him any closer

>

> 2, he still dumped me even though we had great sex

>

> 3, maybe he will just think i'm easy and a bit stupid if i have sex

>

> with him

>

>

>

> T.A I won't love me if i have sex with him

>

> 1, no not when i'm doing it to try and win his love

>

> 2, i don't love me and i get suspicious of him as well because i

>

> think he just wants to fuck me

>

> 3, no i don't love or like myself because i'm selling myself out for

>

> L.A.A

>

>

>

> T.A I will love me if I have sex with me

>

> 1, yes if i turn all that energy i keep putting out there on him and

>

> focus it on me then I think I might just love myself

>

> 2, I can learn to pleasure myself without needing a man to do it and

>

> i mean pleasure in more than one way.

>

> 3, i'll love me if i have sex with me by just really loving myself up

>

> and not looking for an outside source.

>

>

>

> T.A I won't love me if i have sex with me

>

> 1, yes when i use sex or mastibation to move away from my feelings i

>

> don't like me

>

> 2, when i use mastabation as a way or avoiding my mind.

>

>

>

> T.A i will loove me if i have sex with him

>

> 1, if i just have sex with him, accepting him for who he is and have

>

> no expectation of him loving me.

>

> 2, if i'm completely crazy about myself and have sex with him then it

>

> wouldn't matter what he thought and then i wonder if i'd want to have

>

> sex with him or not anyway.

>

>

>

> Ok i'D love feedback or any other turnarounds or just insights into

>

> where other peoples minds go with these turnarounds

>

>

>

> blessings

>

>

>

> pipxx

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> __________________________________________________________________

> Yahoo! Canada Toolbar: Search from anywhere on the web, and bookmark

your favourite sites. Download it now at

> http://ca.toolbar.yahoo.com.

>

>