Re: HE's not intimate with me

[Guest guest]

Nice work - and just noticing how you didn't list him having sex with

you as being intimate. Almost like there's some kind of belief that

sex is not (part of) intimacy - good for me to notice that as well.

Jon

>

> He's not intimate with me

>

>

>

> 1, yes

>

>

>

> 2, no

>

>

>

> 3, I shut down, pull back, feel used, feel scared, I find all the

> ways he's not being intimate with me and don't see the ways he is. I

> feel my body contract, My stomach feels heavy and I get out there

> into the future. I go into a space of comparing and contrasting the

> past and the future, I tell myself I can't go though what happened

> before again. I see this future where I'm completely out of control.

> I see myself as completely in denial of the situation. We have these

> great sexual interactions and I feel shame after because i tell

> myself that it's the only way he can be intimate with me. I feel sad

> that outr conversations seem to only go in one direction.

>

> I treat him as if he's not capable, i seduce him because it feel like

> it's the only way i can get him to be intimate with me.

>

> I treat myself as if there's something wrong with me, as if i can

> only have intimacy thru sex.

>

> i get angry at myself for creating the same situation, i tell myself

> off for enjoying the sexual interaction.

>

> i think this thought protects me from making the same mistake again,

> i get to be right that intimacy should look a certain way and that

> i'd be happy if i got it.

>

> the worst thing that could happen if I couldn't believe this thought

> is that I'd make the same mistake again, not read the warning signs,

> be hurt and heartbroken again, good to notice that this thought

> didn't protect me from that the last time.

>

> I'm in his business.

>

>

>

> 4, I would be noticing all the ways he is intimate with me, I would

> feel peaceful, in my own business, holding myself, telling myself all

> the things i want his to say to me.

>

> I would notice that he shares his inner world with me alot. I would

> stop keeping score, I would enjoy the wonderful intimacy we do have.

> I would stop wanting validation from him.

>

> I would be holding my own and getting on with my own life, present

> enjoying the one i'm with and being intimate with everyone.

>

>

>

> T.A He is being intimate with me

>

> 1, yes he tells me how he feels about me and he tells me I'm

> beautiful and I notice how I say I know to not take it on board.

>

> 2, yesterday we spent 2 hours playing online monopoly together and

> shared a fun time

>

> 3, he's intimate with me when he tells me he thinks i'm great and

> amazing and he feels like there's something missing.

>

> 4, he's intimate with me when he offers business advice

>

> 5, he was intimate with me tonight by telling me he was tired and

> didn't feel like talking,

>

> 6, he's intimate with me when he gets online and asks how i am every

> day

>

> 7, he;s intimate with me when he wants to know what i'm thinking .

>

> 8, he's intimate with me when he tells me he doesn't want me to look

> outside myself for validation.

>

> 9, he's intimate with me by being true to himself and not saying yes

> to me because he wants something from me

>

>

>

> T.A I'm not intimate with him

>

> 1, I didn't share with him that my mind was spinning out over the

> situation between us this morning.

>

> 2,I'm not intimate with him in the moment I think he's not being

> intimate with me because I'm with holding.

>

> 3,I'm not intimate with him because I haven't told himI'm scared of

> him coming back for fear of making the same mistakes again.

>

> 4, I'm not intimate with him when i think he's being intimate with me

> will give me something because i'm not being who i truly am, i'm not

> being myself

>

> 5, when i don't see who he really is and when i don't listen to him

> telling me that he feels like there is something missing , i'm still

> holding onto a fantasy..

>

> 6, i'm not intimate with him when i try and shape myself into this

> sex goddess to win his L.A.A

>

> 7, I'm not intimate with him when I'm looking for validation from him

> and when I use sex as a way to get it.

>

>

>

> T.A I'm not intimate with me

>

> 1, when I go outsie myself to try and get intimacy from someone else

>

> 2, when i go along with his sexual advances and don't say no

>

> 3, when i get get out of myself into his business trying to please

> him.

>

> 4, when i don't say no lets just talk today.

>

> 5, sometimes i run around trying to avoid my feelings

>

> 6, i don't do the things i really wanna do sometimes because i want

> someone else to do it with me

>

> 7, i don't meet my own needs

>

> 8, i'm too busy trying to get it from him and thinking it should look

> a particular way that I loose touch with the reality of whats going

> on.

>

> 9, when i get into a fantasy about him

>