Pregnancy Questions and Answers

[Guest guest]

> > Pregnancy questions from him and her...

> >

> > Q. Am I more likely to get pregnant if my husband wears boxers rather

than

> > briefs?

> > A. Yes, but you'll have an even better chance if he doesn't wear

anything

> > at all.

> >

> > Q. What is the easiest way to figure out exactly when I got pregnant?

> > A. Have sex once a year.

> >

> > Q. What is the most common pregnancy craving?

> > A. For men to be the ones who get pregnant.

> >

> > Q. My blood type is O-positive and my husband's is A-negative. What if

my

> > baby is born, say, type AB-positive?

> > A. Then the jig is up.

> >

> > Q. My husband and I are very attractive. I'm sure our baby will be

> > beautiful enough for commercials. Whom should I contact about this?

> > A. Your therapist.

> >

> > Q. I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?

> > A. With any luck, right after he finishes college.

> >

> > Q. How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?

> > A. If it's the flu, you'll get better.

> >

> > Q. My brother tells me that since my husband has a big nose, and genes

for

> > big noses are dominant, my baby will have a big nose as well. Is this

> > true?

> > A. The odds are greater that your brother will have a fat lip.

> >

> > Q. Since I became pregnant, my breasts, rear end, and even my feet have

> > grown. Is there anything that gets smaller during pregnancy?

> > A. Yes, your bladder.

> >

> > Q. Ever since I've been pregnant, I haven't been able to go to bed at

> > night without onion rings. Is this a normal craving?

> > A. Depends on what you're doing with them.

> >

> > Q. The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why?

> > A. Cause you're fatter then they are.

> >

> > Q. My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's

> > borderline irrational.

> > A. So what's your question, dipshit?

> >

> > Q. Will I love my dog less when the baby is born?

> > A. No, but your husband might get on your nerves.

> >

> > Q. Under what circumstances can sex at the end of pregnancy bring on

> > labor?

> > A. When the sex is between your husband and another woman.

> >

> > Q. What's the difference between a nine-months pregnant woman and a

> > Playboy centerfold?

> > A. Nothing, if the pregnant woman's husband knows what's good for him.

> >

> > Q. My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor,

but

> > pressure. Is she right?

> > A. Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

> >

> > Q. When is the best time to get an epidural?

> > A. Right after you find out you're pregnant.

> >

> > Q. Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife

is

> > in labor?

> > A. Not unless the word " alimony " means anything to you.

> >

> > Q. I'm modest. Once I'm in the hospital to deliver, who will see me in

> > that delicate position?

> > A. Authorized personnel only -- doctors, nurses, orderlies,

photographers,

> > florists, cleaning crews, journalists, etc.

> >

> > Q. Does labor cause hemorrhoids?

> > A. Labor causes anything you want to blame it for.

> >

> > Q. Where is the best place to store breast milk?

> > A. In your breasts.

> >

> > Q. Is there a safe alternative to breast pumps?

> > A. Yes, baby lips.

> >

> > Q. What does it mean when a baby is born with teeth?

> > A. It means that the baby's mother may want to rethink her plans to

nurse.

> >

> > Q. How does one sanitize nipples?

> > A. Bathe daily and wear a clean bra. It beats boiling them in a

saucepan.

> >

> > Q. What are the terrible twos?

> > A. Your breasts after baby stops nursing cold turkey.

> >

> > Q. What is the best time to wean the baby from nursing?

> > A. When you see teeth marks.

> >

> > Q. What happens to disposable diapers after they're thrown away?

> > A. They are stored in a silo in the Midwest, in the event of global

> > chemical warfare.

> >

> > Q. Do I have to have a baby shower?

> > A. Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.

> >

> > Q. What causes baby blues?

> > A. Tanned, hard-bodied bimbos.

> >

> > Q. What is colic?

> > A. A reminder for new parents to use birth control.

> >

> > Q. What are night terrors?

> > A. Frightening episodes in which the new mother dreams she's pregnant

> > again.

> >

> > Q. Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act

> > normal again?

> > A. When the kids are in college.

> >

> > viv

> >

> > __________________________________________________

> >

[Guest guest]

Another list of items that are almost too true to be funny!LOL!

thanks, billie!!

robin

> > > Pregnancy questions from him and her...

> > >

> > > Q. Am I more likely to get pregnant if my husband wears boxers

rather

> than

> > > briefs?

> > > A. Yes, but you'll have an even better chance if he doesn't wear

> anything

> > > at all.

> > >

> > > Q. What is the easiest way to figure out exactly when I got

pregnant?

> > > A. Have sex once a year.

> > >

> > > Q. What is the most common pregnancy craving?

> > > A. For men to be the ones who get pregnant.

> > >

> > > Q. My blood type is O-positive and my husband's is A-negative.

What if

> my

> > > baby is born, say, type AB-positive?

> > > A. Then the jig is up.

> > >

> > > Q. My husband and I are very attractive. I'm sure our baby will

be

> > > beautiful enough for commercials. Whom should I contact about

this?

> > > A. Your therapist.

> > >

> > > Q. I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?

> > > A. With any luck, right after he finishes college.

> > >

> > > Q. How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the

flu?

> > > A. If it's the flu, you'll get better.

> > >

> > > Q. My brother tells me that since my husband has a big nose,

and genes

> for

> > > big noses are dominant, my baby will have a big nose as well.

Is this

> > > true?

> > > A. The odds are greater that your brother will have a fat lip.

> > >

> > > Q. Since I became pregnant, my breasts, rear end, and even my

feet have

> > > grown. Is there anything that gets smaller during pregnancy?

> > > A. Yes, your bladder.

> > >

> > > Q. Ever since I've been pregnant, I haven't been able to go to

bed at

> > > night without onion rings. Is this a normal craving?

> > > A. Depends on what you're doing with them.

> > >

> > > Q. The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at

me. Why?

> > > A. Cause you're fatter then they are.

> > >

> > > Q. My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes

she's

> > > borderline irrational.

> > > A. So what's your question, dipshit?

> > >

> > > Q. Will I love my dog less when the baby is born?

> > > A. No, but your husband might get on your nerves.

> > >

> > > Q. Under what circumstances can sex at the end of pregnancy

bring on

> > > labor?

> > > A. When the sex is between your husband and another woman.

> > >

> > > Q. What's the difference between a nine-months pregnant woman

and a

> > > Playboy centerfold?

> > > A. Nothing, if the pregnant woman's husband knows what's good

for him.

> > >

> > > Q. My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during

labor,

> but

> > > pressure. Is she right?

> > > A. Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air

current.

> > >

> > > Q. When is the best time to get an epidural?

> > > A. Right after you find out you're pregnant.

> > >

> > > Q. Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while

my wife

> is

> > > in labor?

> > > A. Not unless the word " alimony " means anything to you.

> > >

> > > Q. I'm modest. Once I'm in the hospital to deliver, who will

see me in

> > > that delicate position?

> > > A. Authorized personnel only -- doctors, nurses, orderlies,

> photographers,

> > > florists, cleaning crews, journalists, etc.

> > >

> > > Q. Does labor cause hemorrhoids?

> > > A. Labor causes anything you want to blame it for.

> > >

> > > Q. Where is the best place to store breast milk?

> > > A. In your breasts.

> > >

> > > Q. Is there a safe alternative to breast pumps?

> > > A. Yes, baby lips.

> > >

> > > Q. What does it mean when a baby is born with teeth?

> > > A. It means that the baby's mother may want to rethink her

plans to

> nurse.

> > >

> > > Q. How does one sanitize nipples?

> > > A. Bathe daily and wear a clean bra. It beats boiling them in a

> saucepan.

> > >

> > > Q. What are the terrible twos?

> > > A. Your breasts after baby stops nursing cold turkey.

> > >

> > > Q. What is the best time to wean the baby from nursing?

> > > A. When you see teeth marks.

> > >

> > > Q. What happens to disposable diapers after they're thrown away?

> > > A. They are stored in a silo in the Midwest, in the event of

global

> > > chemical warfare.

> > >

> > > Q. Do I have to have a baby shower?

> > > A. Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.

> > >

> > > Q. What causes baby blues?

> > > A. Tanned, hard-bodied bimbos.

> > >

> > > Q. What is colic?

> > > A. A reminder for new parents to use birth control.

> > >

> > > Q. What are night terrors?

> > > A. Frightening episodes in which the new mother dreams she's

pregnant

> > > again.

> > >

> > > Q. Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel

and act

> > > normal again?

> > > A. When the kids are in college.

> > >

> > > viv

> > >

> > > __________________________________________________

> > >

[Guest guest]

lmao ain't that the truth!!!

billi

Re: Pregnancy Questions and Answers

> Another list of items that are almost too true to be funny!LOL!

> thanks, billie!!

> robin

> > > > Pregnancy questions from him and her...

> > > >

> > > > Q. Am I more likely to get pregnant if my husband wears boxers

> rather

> > than

> > > > briefs?

> > > > A. Yes, but you'll have an even better chance if he doesn't wear

> > anything

> > > > at all.

> > > >

> > > > Q. What is the easiest way to figure out exactly when I got

> pregnant?

> > > > A. Have sex once a year.

> > > >

> > > > Q. What is the most common pregnancy craving?

> > > > A. For men to be the ones who get pregnant.

> > > >

> > > > Q. My blood type is O-positive and my husband's is A-negative.

> What if

> > my

> > > > baby is born, say, type AB-positive?

> > > > A. Then the jig is up.

> > > >

> > > > Q. My husband and I are very attractive. I'm sure our baby will

> be

> > > > beautiful enough for commercials. Whom should I contact about

> this?

> > > > A. Your therapist.

> > > >

> > > > Q. I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?

> > > > A. With any luck, right after he finishes college.

> > > >

> > > > Q. How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the

> flu?

> > > > A. If it's the flu, you'll get better.

> > > >

> > > > Q. My brother tells me that since my husband has a big nose,

> and genes

> > for

> > > > big noses are dominant, my baby will have a big nose as well.

> Is this

> > > > true?

> > > > A. The odds are greater that your brother will have a fat lip.

> > > >

> > > > Q. Since I became pregnant, my breasts, rear end, and even my

> feet have

> > > > grown. Is there anything that gets smaller during pregnancy?

> > > > A. Yes, your bladder.

> > > >

> > > > Q. Ever since I've been pregnant, I haven't been able to go to

> bed at

> > > > night without onion rings. Is this a normal craving?

> > > > A. Depends on what you're doing with them.

> > > >

> > > > Q. The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at

> me. Why?

> > > > A. Cause you're fatter then they are.

> > > >

> > > > Q. My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes

> she's

> > > > borderline irrational.

> > > > A. So what's your question, dipshit?

> > > >

> > > > Q. Will I love my dog less when the baby is born?

> > > > A. No, but your husband might get on your nerves.

> > > >

> > > > Q. Under what circumstances can sex at the end of pregnancy

> bring on

> > > > labor?

> > > > A. When the sex is between your husband and another woman.

> > > >

> > > > Q. What's the difference between a nine-months pregnant woman

> and a

> > > > Playboy centerfold?

> > > > A. Nothing, if the pregnant woman's husband knows what's good

> for him.

> > > >

> > > > Q. My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during

> labor,

> > but

> > > > pressure. Is she right?

> > > > A. Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air

> current.

> > > >

> > > > Q. When is the best time to get an epidural?

> > > > A. Right after you find out you're pregnant.

> > > >

> > > > Q. Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while

> my wife

> > is

> > > > in labor?

> > > > A. Not unless the word " alimony " means anything to you.

> > > >

> > > > Q. I'm modest. Once I'm in the hospital to deliver, who will

> see me in

> > > > that delicate position?

> > > > A. Authorized personnel only -- doctors, nurses, orderlies,

> > photographers,

> > > > florists, cleaning crews, journalists, etc.

> > > >

> > > > Q. Does labor cause hemorrhoids?

> > > > A. Labor causes anything you want to blame it for.

> > > >

> > > > Q. Where is the best place to store breast milk?

> > > > A. In your breasts.

> > > >

> > > > Q. Is there a safe alternative to breast pumps?

> > > > A. Yes, baby lips.

> > > >

> > > > Q. What does it mean when a baby is born with teeth?

> > > > A. It means that the baby's mother may want to rethink her

> plans to

> > nurse.

> > > >

> > > > Q. How does one sanitize nipples?

> > > > A. Bathe daily and wear a clean bra. It beats boiling them in a

> > saucepan.

> > > >

> > > > Q. What are the terrible twos?

> > > > A. Your breasts after baby stops nursing cold turkey.

> > > >

> > > > Q. What is the best time to wean the baby from nursing?

> > > > A. When you see teeth marks.

> > > >

> > > > Q. What happens to disposable diapers after they're thrown away?

> > > > A. They are stored in a silo in the Midwest, in the event of

> global

> > > > chemical warfare.

> > > >

> > > > Q. Do I have to have a baby shower?

> > > > A. Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.

> > > >

> > > > Q. What causes baby blues?

> > > > A. Tanned, hard-bodied bimbos.

> > > >

> > > > Q. What is colic?

> > > > A. A reminder for new parents to use birth control.

> > > >

> > > > Q. What are night terrors?

> > > > A. Frightening episodes in which the new mother dreams she's

> pregnant

> > > > again.

> > > >

> > > > Q. Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel

> and act

> > > > normal again?

> > > > A. When the kids are in college.

> > > >

> > > > viv

> > > >

> > > > __________________________________________________

> > > >

[Guest guest]

Billie,

So funny. ROTFLMAO!!!

Hugs

Sharon

Pregnancy Questions and Answers

> > Pregnancy questions from him and her...

> >

> > Q. Am I more likely to get pregnant if my husband wears boxers rather

than

> > briefs?

> > A. Yes, but you'll have an even better chance if he doesn't wear

anything

> > at all.

> >

> > Q. What is the easiest way to figure out exactly when I got pregnant?

> > A. Have sex once a year.

> >

> > Q. What is the most common pregnancy craving?

> > A. For men to be the ones who get pregnant.

> >

> > Q. My blood type is O-positive and my husband's is A-negative. What if

my

> > baby is born, say, type AB-positive?

> > A. Then the jig is up.

> >

> > Q. My husband and I are very attractive. I'm sure our baby will be

> > beautiful enough for commercials. Whom should I contact about this?

> > A. Your therapist.

> >

> > Q. I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?

> > A. With any luck, right after he finishes college.

> >

> > Q. How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?

> > A. If it's the flu, you'll get better.

> >

> > Q. My brother tells me that since my husband has a big nose, and genes

for

> > big noses are dominant, my baby will have a big nose as well. Is this

> > true?

> > A. The odds are greater that your brother will have a fat lip.

> >

> > Q. Since I became pregnant, my breasts, rear end, and even my feet have

> > grown. Is there anything that gets smaller during pregnancy?

> > A. Yes, your bladder.

> >

> > Q. Ever since I've been pregnant, I haven't been able to go to bed at

> > night without onion rings. Is this a normal craving?

> > A. Depends on what you're doing with them.

> >

> > Q. The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why?

> > A. Cause you're fatter then they are.

> >

> > Q. My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's

> > borderline irrational.

> > A. So what's your question, dipshit?

> >

> > Q. Will I love my dog less when the baby is born?

> > A. No, but your husband might get on your nerves.

> >

> > Q. Under what circumstances can sex at the end of pregnancy bring on

> > labor?

> > A. When the sex is between your husband and another woman.

> >

> > Q. What's the difference between a nine-months pregnant woman and a

> > Playboy centerfold?

> > A. Nothing, if the pregnant woman's husband knows what's good for him.

> >

> > Q. My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor,

but

> > pressure. Is she right?

> > A. Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

> >

> > Q. When is the best time to get an epidural?

> > A. Right after you find out you're pregnant.

> >

> > Q. Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife

is

> > in labor?

> > A. Not unless the word " alimony " means anything to you.

> >

> > Q. I'm modest. Once I'm in the hospital to deliver, who will see me in

> > that delicate position?

> > A. Authorized personnel only -- doctors, nurses, orderlies,

photographers,

> > florists, cleaning crews, journalists, etc.

> >

> > Q. Does labor cause hemorrhoids?

> > A. Labor causes anything you want to blame it for.

> >

> > Q. Where is the best place to store breast milk?

> > A. In your breasts.

> >

> > Q. Is there a safe alternative to breast pumps?

> > A. Yes, baby lips.

> >

> > Q. What does it mean when a baby is born with teeth?

> > A. It means that the baby's mother may want to rethink her plans to

nurse.

> >

> > Q. How does one sanitize nipples?

> > A. Bathe daily and wear a clean bra. It beats boiling them in a

saucepan.

> >

> > Q. What are the terrible twos?

> > A. Your breasts after baby stops nursing cold turkey.

> >

> > Q. What is the best time to wean the baby from nursing?

> > A. When you see teeth marks.

> >

> > Q. What happens to disposable diapers after they're thrown away?

> > A. They are stored in a silo in the Midwest, in the event of global

> > chemical warfare.

> >

> > Q. Do I have to have a baby shower?

> > A. Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.

> >

> > Q. What causes baby blues?

> > A. Tanned, hard-bodied bimbos.

> >

> > Q. What is colic?

> > A. A reminder for new parents to use birth control.

> >

> > Q. What are night terrors?

> > A. Frightening episodes in which the new mother dreams she's pregnant

> > again.

> >

> > Q. Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act

> > normal again?

> > A. When the kids are in college.

> >

> > viv

> >

> > __________________________________________________

> >

[Guest guest]

LMAO, Billie !!!! Thanks, hon ! I needed that ! 8^)

> > Pregnancy questions from him and her...

> >

> > Q. Am I more likely to get pregnant if my husband wears boxers rather

than

> > briefs?

> > A. Yes, but you'll have an even better chance if he doesn't wear

anything

> > at all.

> >

> > Q. What is the easiest way to figure out exactly when I got pregnant?

> > A. Have sex once a year.

> >

> > Q. What is the most common pregnancy craving?

> > A. For men to be the ones who get pregnant.

> >

> > Q. My blood type is O-positive and my husband's is A-negative. What if

my

> > baby is born, say, type AB-positive?

> > A. Then the jig is up.

> >

> > Q. My husband and I are very attractive. I'm sure our baby will be

> > beautiful enough for commercials. Whom should I contact about this?

> > A. Your therapist.

> >

> > Q. I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?

> > A. With any luck, right after he finishes college.

> >

> > Q. How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?

> > A. If it's the flu, you'll get better.

> >

> > Q. My brother tells me that since my husband has a big nose, and genes

for

> > big noses are dominant, my baby will have a big nose as well. Is this

> > true?

> > A. The odds are greater that your brother will have a fat lip.

> >

> > Q. Since I became pregnant, my breasts, rear end, and even my feet have

> > grown. Is there anything that gets smaller during pregnancy?

> > A. Yes, your bladder.

> >

> > Q. Ever since I've been pregnant, I haven't been able to go to bed at

> > night without onion rings. Is this a normal craving?

> > A. Depends on what you're doing with them.

> >

> > Q. The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why?

> > A. Cause you're fatter then they are.

> >

> > Q. My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's

> > borderline irrational.

> > A. So what's your question, dipshit?

> >

> > Q. Will I love my dog less when the baby is born?

> > A. No, but your husband might get on your nerves.

> >

> > Q. Under what circumstances can sex at the end of pregnancy bring on

> > labor?

> > A. When the sex is between your husband and another woman.

> >

> > Q. What's the difference between a nine-months pregnant woman and a

> > Playboy centerfold?

> > A. Nothing, if the pregnant woman's husband knows what's good for him.

> >

> > Q. My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor,

but

> > pressure. Is she right?

> > A. Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

> >

> > Q. When is the best time to get an epidural?

> > A. Right after you find out you're pregnant.

> >

> > Q. Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife

is

> > in labor?

> > A. Not unless the word " alimony " means anything to you.

> >

> > Q. I'm modest. Once I'm in the hospital to deliver, who will see me in

> > that delicate position?

> > A. Authorized personnel only -- doctors, nurses, orderlies,

photographers,

> > florists, cleaning crews, journalists, etc.

> >

> > Q. Does labor cause hemorrhoids?

> > A. Labor causes anything you want to blame it for.

> >

> > Q. Where is the best place to store breast milk?

> > A. In your breasts.

> >

> > Q. Is there a safe alternative to breast pumps?

> > A. Yes, baby lips.

> >

> > Q. What does it mean when a baby is born with teeth?

> > A. It means that the baby's mother may want to rethink her plans to

nurse.

> >

> > Q. How does one sanitize nipples?

> > A. Bathe daily and wear a clean bra. It beats boiling them in a

saucepan.

> >

> > Q. What are the terrible twos?

> > A. Your breasts after baby stops nursing cold turkey.

> >

> > Q. What is the best time to wean the baby from nursing?

> > A. When you see teeth marks.

> >

> > Q. What happens to disposable diapers after they're thrown away?

> > A. They are stored in a silo in the Midwest, in the event of global

> > chemical warfare.

> >

> > Q. Do I have to have a baby shower?

> > A. Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.

> >

> > Q. What causes baby blues?

> > A. Tanned, hard-bodied bimbos.

> >

> > Q. What is colic?

> > A. A reminder for new parents to use birth control.

> >

> > Q. What are night terrors?

> > A. Frightening episodes in which the new mother dreams she's pregnant

> > again.

> >

> > Q. Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act

> > normal again?

> > A. When the kids are in college.

> >

> > viv

> >

> > __________________________________________________

> >