Re: i feel like such a loser

[Guest guest]

My husabnd is 64 and can now play at jam sessions with

less ego and hes ok if other muscians play better.

or that they are working and hes not. -

but it wasnt always easy .. maybe its because hes older.

My husband used to get depressed and just going out to hear music

was challenging..

now i think he just goes to jam sessions and plays for the fun of it.

I used to be in his business and i said he was looking for LAA

with music.. he always denied that. I dont think he cares anymore.

Give yourself credit for going out and supporting other musicians..

they need an audience too... and i bet they appreciated that

even if they didnt say anything..

i dont play any instrument.. but they do need an audience. well

i hardly go to listen either actually.. i hate jazz.. and thats

what he likes.

im scared tami will say this is not worky enough..

thanks for going, rh

-- In Loving-what-is , " facy102 " wrote:

>

> funny.. i came to wrote this topic.. and i see i have wrote it before,

> explorer has auto completed it.

>

> anyway... i dont know where even to begin.. i meet the same problem iv

> been meeting all my life.

> my psychologist called it social anxiety, but it is more than that.

> i decided im going out this weekend cause im tired of staying alone at

> home with no friends.. after everyone i thought of has told me they

> can't or wont go out with me .. i'v decided to go out alone, and

have fun.

> i went to a concert of someone i know.. we'r both in the music

business,

> he is not a friend but an acquaintance.

> as i arrived i felt self conscious and found myself afraid of looking

> at people .. and felt as i get tensed and wear some sort of defense, i

> couldn't talk to anybody and i felt a nurve breaking fear.

> i felt like everyone is looking at me .. allthough i knew they arn't.

> i joined a table of two girls cause there was no room, beraly

> exchanged a word with them.. was afraid to show interest.

> and i saw the show and everyone seemed to have such a good time .. and

> i just wanted to get the hell out of there.. i envied him for doing

> this, i thought i should perform like this .. and i was frustrated no

> one no who i am or apriciate my talent.

> at the first chance i could i got out of there.

> then i went to another place where a former singer who i used to work

> with sang.. i said hello and saw a few familier face's.. that felt a

> bit better .. and in a minute they went to the stage and i was left

> alone back stage.. feeling more comfortable, i had tears in my eyes..

> dont know why.. felt like crying.

> i wanted so much that she would call me to the stage do a number with

> her.. but she didn't .. i went home feeling like shit, dissapointed at

> myself feeling like a failure.

> help.

> thanks.

>

[Guest guest]

hi facy,

assuming you want to do the work around this, when I feel like a

failure / loser I sometimes do the following....

I take the statement " I'm a loser / failure because.... " and I keep

coming up with reasons why I think I'm a loser / failure.

30 or 40 is a good number to aim for, because you might be surprised

what is hidden in the back of the mind - beliefs about being a loser.

Another good statement for uncovering beliefs is " I'm not a success

because.... " and do a similar thing.

Then look at what you've got and see what you would like to inquire into.

With love and thanks,

Jon

[Guest guest]

Dear Facy

You have the original thought:

" I am a looser " and your mind find proofs for that

I almost believed you

and I saw reality as innocent as it really is

A woman sitting in a chair,

lying in bed,

going out on Saturday night

Who would you be without the thought:

" I am a looser " ?

Facy:

Turn it around. I am a losser...

I am not a losser!

Now give me an examples of why the turn around

might be true.

this is research, close your eyes, find it.

It is like your birthday, there are packages everywhere,

open them!

And...

I want to give you a little help?

Here is where I started, when I had the thought:

" I am a failure "

as I sit now on the sofa,

am I doing it " successfully " ?

As I write in this group,

am I doing it " successfully " ?

I want to eat - I eat!

I know how to do that successfully too.

and it goes on and on, cause in reality

I am a success.

I am always where I should be, doing my job

perfectly. (right now my job is to write here).

But as long as you believe the thought

" I am looser " you would deny the proofs

of all the that shows how successful you are.

So, if I don't question the thought

" I am a looser " and I believe that

staying at home on the weekend is the proof for that

I would force myself to go out

but guess who is going out with you?

your unquestioned mind that will remind you

how failure you are, as you are out!

I recommend this audio

does the work with a women who believes that:

" Something Is Wrong With Me "

With love and friendship, T

[Guest guest]

the confusion is just your concepts of success and failure getting

mixed up - when they're mixed up they make quite a tasty combination :-)

> > >

> > > Good idea, Jon.

> > >

> > > Let's see where I get with this.

> > >

> > > I feel like such a loser

> > >

> > > because I'm not reading stuff and writing the article I already

should

> > > have finished yesterday.

> > > because I haven't done the dishes in two weeks.

> > > because I haven't cleaned my house in even more than three weeks (i

> > > think, could be four, or even five, six?).

> > > because I haven't answered emails that I should have answered.

> > > because I should have finished composing the maths test by now.

> > > because I should have graded a student paper last week and I didn't.

> > > because I feel attracted to someone, wanting to be more than 'just

> > > friends' and feeling needy and greedy.

> > > because I believe I shouldn't feel needy and greedy.

> > > because I should do more yoga.

> > > because I should eat less chocolate.

> > > because I didn't take care of my friends fish as well as I should

> > > have(luckily they all survived).

> > > because I am a lazy bum.

> > > because I believe I shouldn't be a lazy bum.

> > > because I should tidy up my garden.

> > > because I have an untidy desk.

> > > because I should make more back-ups of my computer.

> > > because I should put carpet on my stairs.

> > > because I am not disciplined enough.

> > > because I condemn myself for all of the above.

> > > because ---

> > >

> > > sorry, have to stop, I have this irresistable urge to do the dishes

> > > right now.... :-)

> > >

> > > Maybe continue next time.

> > >

> > > I'm curious to read why anyone else thinks they're a

loser/failure....

> > > I found it quite entertaining to write up this list... :-)

> > >

> > > Eva

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Eva,

You might like this - from `A Thousand Names From Joy' transcript:

A successful human being is the one reading these words.

Do you weigh 500 pounds? You're a success. That's your job, to weigh

500 pounds.

You have cancer? That's your job, you are successfully doing that job

right now. It doesn't mean it won't change.

Can you be happy from here? Take on that job.

You don't understand the words you're reading? Perfect! Your job is

not to understand yet.

You may experience tomorrow morning in the shower a blast of

understanding, a profound experience and appreciation of yourself as a

successful human being, just a glimpse of how precious and how

necessary it is for you to be you right now.

There's no mistake in the universe. There's a perfect age, height, gender.

You don't have a partner? Perfect.

You have a partner whom you can't get along with? Perfect.

You're a success. You have just met yourself with unconditional love.

This deep understanding—that is success.

When you understand this, there is nothing that can keep you from

realizing that you're a success.

[Guest guest]

i read the book and i dont remember this part.. thanks..

rh -

-- In Loving-what-is , " Jon " wrote:

>

> Eva,

>

> You might like this - from `A Thousand Names From Joy' transcript:

>

> A successful human being is the one reading these words.

>

> Do you weigh 500 pounds? You're a success. That's your job, to weigh

> 500 pounds.

>

> You have cancer? That's your job, you are successfully doing that job

> right now. It doesn't mean it won't change.

>

> Can you be happy from here? Take on that job.

>

> You don't understand the words you're reading? Perfect! Your job is

> not to understand yet.

>

> You may experience tomorrow morning in the shower a blast of

> understanding, a profound experience and appreciation of yourself as a

> successful human being, just a glimpse of how precious and how

> necessary it is for you to be you right now.

>

> There's no mistake in the universe. There's a perfect age, height,

gender.

>

> You don't have a partner? Perfect.

>

> You have a partner whom you can't get along with? Perfect.

>

> You're a success. You have just met yourself with unconditional love.

>

> This deep understanding—that is success.

>

> When you understand this, there is nothing that can keep you from

> realizing that you're a success.

>