Re: Can you help me find some turn arounds?

[Guest guest]

Hi Lamar,

Welcome to the group and thanks for posting.

The first turnaround looks OK to me - are you dissatisfied with it

because you're wanting something other than the true from doing this

work? Maybe a motive around doing more with your mom or being closer

to her.

On the second inquiry and turnarounds, these could be turnarounds:

I didn't miss a good opportunity to bond with my mom

What comes to me is that the opportunity was to go to a movie - people

sit next to each other and watch a movie, generally without talking -

not exactly a great bonding experience much of the time :-)

Can you find other reasons why you didn't miss a good opportunity?

I missed a good opportunity to bond with me

Yes, in the moments I'm believing I've missed something, I'm missing

reality as it is now, missing whatever experience I'm having, whether

that's walking, watching TV, etc.

Another approach could be to explore the beliefs you have about your

mom, if you have any stressful thoughts about her, including those you

may have had about going out with her to a movie that may have

resulted in you deciding not to do it.

Jon

[Guest guest]

> The only turn around I could find was

> I should not have gone to the movie with my mom.

> It IS what happened so in that sense its true, but it doesnt really do

> it for me. When I think I SHOULD NOT have gone to the movie with my

> mom and that is what happened, it feels like a nice breath of fresh

> air.

Perhaps you could find three reasons why it was good that you did not go

with your mom... (i.e. I got something else done; now the next time I do

go with her it will be more special, etc).

Same with the second set of turnarounds. Try to find 3 examples... but,

it's true... they don't all work.

[Guest guest]

Yah, sitting at the movie watching the movie. Sounds like really great

bonding time :/

Thank you for the help

I am definatly motivated by wanting to heal me and my mothers

relationship. Is this counterproductive?

>

> Hi Lamar,

>

> Welcome to the group and thanks for posting.

>

> The first turnaround looks OK to me - are you dissatisfied with it

> because you're wanting something other than the true from doing this

> work? Maybe a motive around doing more with your mom or being closer

> to her.

>

> On the second inquiry and turnarounds, these could be turnarounds:

>

> I didn't miss a good opportunity to bond with my mom

>

> What comes to me is that the opportunity was to go to a movie - people

> sit next to each other and watch a movie, generally without talking -

> not exactly a great bonding experience much of the time :-)

>

> Can you find other reasons why you didn't miss a good opportunity?

>

> I missed a good opportunity to bond with me

>

> Yes, in the moments I'm believing I've missed something, I'm missing

> reality as it is now, missing whatever experience I'm having, whether

> that's walking, watching TV, etc.

>

>

> Another approach could be to explore the beliefs you have about your

> mom, if you have any stressful thoughts about her, including those you

> may have had about going out with her to a movie that may have

> resulted in you deciding not to do it.

>

> Jon

>

[Guest guest]

When we are first starting the Work it is strongly suggested that the Work point

outward. Yours points to yourself.

Vivian

Can you help me find some turn arounds?

Hi. I've been reading the board for about a month (about as long as

I've been doing the work) and I wrote out some of my inquiries. I had

a little bit of a problem finding T.A.s on these so I was hoping you

could help.

Heres the initial thoughts:

I should have gone to the movie with my mom

I missed out on a good oppurtunity to bond with my mom.

I should have gone to the movie with my mom

is it true - i think so

can I absolutely know that it is true? No

Whats the effect of thinking I should have gone to the movie with her?

I feel sick inside, I feel sad I didnt go. I tell myself that I wanted

to see the movie and because I didnt go I made a mistake. I feel

stupid and small. I want to make it up to my mom. I think of what my

mom thinks about me not going. I try and guess her mind.

Can I imagine what or who I would be if I could not think that I

should have gone to the movie with her? I would just love that she

went to a movie that I thought looked good. I would want to talk to

her about it.

The only turn around I could find was

I should not have gone to the movie with my mom.

It IS what happened so in that sense its true, but it doesnt really do

it for me. When I think I SHOULD NOT have gone to the movie with my

mom and that is what happened, it feels like a nice breath of fresh air.

I missed a good oppurtunity to bond w/ my mom.

Is it true?

Can I absolutely know its true? no. How can I really " miss " anything.

And I cant know that it would have been good at all.

So whats the effect of believing this thought?

I feel like I'm missing something. That I need to repair my

relationship with her. I beat myself up by feeling like I failed

something important. I think that Ill never get it. I try hard to make

up for it and always fail. I try and be the loving person and I feel

kinda fake for it.

Can you see who you'd be without the thought I missed a good

oppurtunity to bond with her?

It would be such a load off my back. Just peace with it.

T.A.

I gained a good oppurtunity to bond with my mom

I didn't miss an oppurtunity to bond with my mom

neither of these really seem to " fit "

I guess I'm just not quite sure how to do the turnarounds with these

sorts of statements.

ALso, if anyone is interested in doing some Inquiry together, I am

interested. So write me and maybe we can do it over email or something.

Lamar

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9:59 AM

[Guest guest]

Not necessarily, just worth noticing - if you come to the work with a

motive, the answers can then seem unsatisfactory.

You could even inquire something like " My relationship with my mother

needs healed " , never know what you might find out.

Jon

>

> Yah, sitting at the movie watching the movie. Sounds like really great

> bonding time :/

> Thank you for the help

> I am definatly motivated by wanting to heal me and my mothers

> relationship. Is this counterproductive?

>

>

[Guest guest]

Dear Lamar,

How can you bond with your Mom now? If you feel like you missed an

opportunity to bond with her, tell her so, tell her why you didn't go

to the movie with her (if that feels right)...ask her to a movie next

time and buy her popcorn.

Love, nne

wrote:

>

> Hi. I've been reading the board for about a month (about as long as

> I've been doing the work) and I wrote out some of my inquiries. I had

> a little bit of a problem finding T.A.s on these so I was hoping you

> could help.

>

> Heres the initial thoughts:

> I should have gone to the movie with my mom

> I missed out on a good oppurtunity to bond with my mom.

>

> I should have gone to the movie with my mom

> is it true - i think so

> can I absolutely know that it is true? No

> Whats the effect of thinking I should have gone to the movie with her?

> I feel sick inside, I feel sad I didnt go. I tell myself that I wanted

> to see the movie and because I didnt go I made a mistake. I feel

> stupid and small. I want to make it up to my mom. I think of what my

> mom thinks about me not going. I try and guess her mind.

>

> Can I imagine what or who I would be if I could not think that I

> should have gone to the movie with her? I would just love that she

> went to a movie that I thought looked good. I would want to talk to

> her about it.

>

> The only turn around I could find was

> I should not have gone to the movie with my mom.

> It IS what happened so in that sense its true, but it doesnt really do

> it for me. When I think I SHOULD NOT have gone to the movie with my

> mom and that is what happened, it feels like a nice breath of fresh air.

>

> I missed a good oppurtunity to bond w/ my mom.

> Is it true?

> Can I absolutely know its true? no. How can I really " miss " anything.

> And I cant know that it would have been good at all.

> So whats the effect of believing this thought?

> I feel like I'm missing something. That I need to repair my

> relationship with her. I beat myself up by feeling like I failed

> something important. I think that Ill never get it. I try hard to make

> up for it and always fail. I try and be the loving person and I feel

> kinda fake for it.

>

> Can you see who you'd be without the thought I missed a good

> oppurtunity to bond with her?

> It would be such a load off my back. Just peace with it.

>

> T.A.

> I gained a good oppurtunity to bond with my mom

> I didn't miss an oppurtunity to bond with my mom

>

> neither of these really seem to " fit "

> I guess I'm just not quite sure how to do the turnarounds with these

> sorts of statements.

>

> ALso, if anyone is interested in doing some Inquiry together, I am

> interested. So write me and maybe we can do it over email or something.

>

> Lamar

>