Nada Christmas Card

[Guest guest]

I got the sweetest Christmas card in the mail yesterday from nada

EVER!

NOT!

Oh my. She's still a little psychopath as usual. Almost like I can

feel it in my bones when she's up to no good. I felt a little

paranoid this past week and now it makes sense- duh- still got a nut

job of a mother hell bent on trying to destroy me b/c she hates her

life so freaking much. Oh well. Que Sera, sera.

She sent a nice donation to Heffer Int'l on behalf of the children

and then a card to each kid signed grammie and w/great news- she

started savings accts on behalf of each them. $100 a piece-

ooooooohhhhh! And she was very kind to enclose a card to us signed

w/her Christian name- no 'love mom' this year like all previous year-

ROFL. Like I give a crap, right? Dh said about time she quit

defamating the name of good mothers everywhere by signing it 'mom'-

ROFL.

I can tell I've come a long way and want to thank you all for such

awesome support and help, especially over this past year of NC. I

realized when I saw her savings accts for the kids and got a little

pissed b/c she NEVER saved for us for college, but instead wiped out

our savings accts my dead dad started for us before he died, that I

was over her. I felt a twinge of anger and then said 'oh yeah, those

savings accts will last until the boys hit puberty, have their sense

of rebellion and she needs to wipe out their accts for another new

marriage just like she did to dbrother and I when we were younger'. I

was glad to put a black humor twist on the situation right away. It

made me realize she's still playing the same games as always, but its

futile as I just don't care anymore.

Oh yeah, I got a good burn in by accident on Thursday when I called

auntie for a recipe and told auntie the news about how most tumor

livers (like what nada's got right now) end up benign after talking

to a doctor friend of mine. Auntie informed me that nada was there

and I said " oh, then I won't keep you from your socializing. Plus I

need to get busy making dinner. " After I got off the phone I realized

auntie didn't say " I love you " like she always does either b/c she

didn't want nada to know it was me on the phone or else she was

pissed that I didn't even care to talk to nada the day she had her

laproscopy for her 'tumors' and check up on her. ROFL. Either way-

could care less. Auntie's problem. Not mine. I kind of laughed at how

OVER guilt and obligation I am that I just don't even think about it

anymore. I do feel for Auntie since she's still in the middle of it,

but that's a place she choses b/c she choses obligation. I saw how

enormously I've grown this past year since going NC. I can say w/all

honesty that I don't ever care to go back and that I don't miss the

relationship at all- only the illusion that I was unwilling to wake

up to for so long. Even then. I don't miss the illusion much anymore

either. I see how good my life is now and I wouldn't trade it for ANY

illussions- especially ones about having a real mom. I prefer instead

to be a real mom now days and mother myself and my kids and love my

dh and my friends. And MAN, how my friends have rallied around me

this Christmas. They've all given me sooo much more gifts than in

years pasts I'm just utterly amazed!!!! Not that I was afraid

w/having nada out of my life that I wouldn't get any Christmas gifts-

only that I figured this year would be a lot more slim on the gifts

w/o nada and grandfada and dead fiance and his whacko mother and then

auntie sending her gifts late. Instead my brother actually sent gifts

this year to dh and I, which he doesn't usually do since we've had

kids and I told him not to worry about us anyway. But same w/my

friends. Its just kind of weird how like the universe is showing all

this other love, real love, for my family when I've finally made the

decision to let go of nada. Its so much easier to receive gifts from

these other people too since I know its given w/love and no strings

attached. What an awesome feeling.

Hope all other KOs out there who are also NC feel the universe more

than abundantly supplying them w/love as well. Its hard at first, but

sooo worth it!!!! Its scarey though. I pretend sometimes its not, but

the holidays are very scarey being NC after sooo many nada filled

years. Looking forward to the holidays this year w/much anticipations.

Kerrie